An average of 2.4 million weddings occur in the U.S. annually, or about 5,000 per day. When planning a wedding, most couples incorporate several traditions, including a wedding shower, an engagement party, the father giving away the bride, tossing the bouquet, going on a honeymoon, and more.
Have you ever wondered how these traditions came to be? I was surprised to learn that many derive from superstition, monetary transactions, and the transfer of female ownership. Once I started reading about these traditions, I wanted to know more. The list is long, so I’ve made it easy to skim down and find the practices you are curious about. I hope you end up like me, wanting to learn about them all.
Engagement Party— In ancient Greece, the engagement party was a financial contract between the bride’s father and the man she would be marrying. The bride was not present during the business agreement. An ordinary party was held by the bride-to-be’s father, during which the bride’s father would announce his daughter’s engagement to everyone in attendance. The bride was often just as surprised as the guests to learn she was to be married. Marriages were not based on love until the late 1700s, and even after that time, arranged marriages continued. In some cultures, they still exist today.
Dowry—The original purpose of a dowry was for the groom to compensate the bride’s family for losing her labor and reproductive potential. Sometime before the Ancient Roman period, the custom reversed, with the bride’s family giving a dowry to the new husband’s family to help support her and the expense of setting up a new household. It is believed that the modern tradition of the bride’s family paying for the bulk of the wedding is an evolved practice that replaces the dowry system.
Engagement Ring—This tradition goes back to ancient Rome, when women would wear a ring of bone, copper, flint, iron, or ivory to signify a business contract or that an affirmation of love and obedience had been made. This was derived from the ancient Egyptian practice of using a ring of hemp or reeds to signify eternity.
It was in 850 CE when the official purpose of an engagement ring was introduced by Pope Nicholas I. He declared the ring to represent a man’s intent to marry. Although rings adorned with diamonds were not popular until the 1940s, the first diamond appeared on an engagement ring in 1477. That is when the Archduke Maximilian of Austria proposed to Mary of Burgundy with a stone setting in the shape of the letter M.
In the 15th Century, gimmel rings served the purpose of engagement. This set of three rings was used, with the bride and groom each wearing one ring during the engagement. On the wedding day, the two bands were connected with the third, and all were worn by the bride as her wedding set.
Diamond engagement rings became popular and ornate during Victorian times because of Queen Victoria’s love of diamond jewelry. Although diamond engagement rings have been in the U.S. since 1840, they did not gain popularity until 1947. That is when the British company, De Beers, was mining diamonds in South Africa and launched an advertising campaign, “A diamond is forever.” This sales ploy skyrocketed diamond sales for wedding engagement rings.
Bachelor Party—The bachelor party dates to the 5th century B.C. when ancient Spartans devised a celebration of the groom’s last night as a single man. The term bachelor meant a young knight or student with a bachelor’s degree and first appeared in Canterbury Tales in the 14th century.
The term bachelor party was first used in 1922 in a Scottish publication, meaning a “jolly old party.” The modern parties were traditionally black-tie dinners hosted by the groom’s father to honor and toast the groom. They did not become the current parties of beer, strippers, and drugs until the 1980s.
Popular Saying—The traditional saying about what a bride must wear on her wedding day is based on a 19th-century Old English rhyme in Lancashire. There is a reason behind each item in the phrase:
Something old— traditionally a personal gift from the bride’s mother, usually symbolizing wisdom for married life.
Something new—symbolizes the establishment of a new family created by the marital union.
Something borrowed—by borrowing something from a happily married woman, the bride is borrowing marital bliss to carry into her new union.
Something blue—The robes of pagan Roman maidens had blue trim on their borders, symbolizing modesty, fidelity, and love. For Christians, blue symbolizes the purity of the Virgin Mary.
And a sixpence for your shoe—often left out of the rhyme, and the British coin is no longer in production. The purpose was to bring prosperity to the newlyweds.
Bridal Gift Registry—This was started by a Marshall Field’s store in Chicago in 1924. It was a marketing pitch that allowed brides to select their fine china and silver for the big day. This successful advertising campaign soon gained popularity throughout the county, with many businesses expanding on the idea to include other items the newlyweds would need.
Bridal/Wedding Shower—Showers date back to 16th century Holland. The bridal shower is a dowry alternative that began when a bride’s father was too poor to provide a dowry. It was also held if the bride’s father opposed the union.
The tradition is based on a Dutch story about a high-society girl falling in love with a poor miller’s son. The girl’s family objected because of the miller’s low class, but she insisted on marrying him. The girl’s father said he would withhold her dowry as punishment for her refusal to marry the wealthy pig farmer he chose for her.
To help the couple in their misfortune, the bride’s friends showered her with gifts as a dowry substitute. Touched by the generosity of his daughter’s friends, the father finally agreed to the marriage. This began the tradition of a bride’s family and friends showering her with gifts before a wedding.
Bridal showers grew in popularity in the U.S. during the late Victorian era. Upper-class society ladies saw them as an opportunity to celebrate, gossip, and exchange gifts, thoughts, and food for the bride-to-be. Gifts were usually modest, simple, useful household goods the bride would need in her new home, including bed linens, kitchen items, China, and more. By the 1930s, the tradition had extended to middle and lower-class families.
A bridal shower is thrown for the bride and traditionally attended only by females. A wedding shower is a modern version of the shower. It is thrown for the couple and includes the groom in the party and opening of gifts. Guests may also be mixed gender.
Rehearsal Dinner—The dinner may be an evolution of an event that occurred hundreds of years ago when attending a wedding meant days of travel. The night before the wedding, the manor house, castle, hut, or tent would be packed with friends, relatives, and emissaries needing to be fed. Out of necessity, a meal would be held the night before the wedding. This was also wrapped in superstition. The belief was that if those attending the dinner were loud and rambunctious, they would scare away evil spirits trying to destroy the couple’s chance of having a happy life.
Today the rehearsal dinner follows the wedding rehearsal. I couldn’t find anything about when wedding rehearsals began, which appears to be strictly an American tradition. Rehearsals may have begun as wedding parties grew, allowing everyone to become familiar with exactly what would occur during the ceremony to hopefully prevent any glitches.
Not Seeing the Bride Before the Wedding—Before the 18th century, pre-arranged marriages were common. It was considered unlucky for a bride and groom to see each other before the wedding because the groom might back out of the arrangement if he saw the bride-to-be and didn’t like her appearance. This is also one reason for the veil.
Bridal Veil—The veil establishes that a woman is spoken for and disguises the bride so evil spirits wishing to harm the couple will not recognize the bride. It also was a way of securing the marriage contract. Many brides and grooms met for the first time on their wedding day at the altar. The veil was only lifted after the ceremony, so the groom could not back out of the wedding if he didn’t like his wife’s appearance.
Giving Away the Bride—This practice dates back to when women were the property of men. Women were unable to live independently of men, could not own property, have a job, or inherit money. They belonged first to their fathers, then their husbands, and if their husband died, their sons.
By walking his daughter down the aisle and giving her in marriage, the father transferred ownership of his daughter to her new husband. This dates back to when an engagement was a business transaction, not an act of love between two people. By being at the wedding ceremony and presenting his daughter in marriage, the father ensured the wedding would take place, fulfilling his part of the agreement.
Wedding Ceremony and Vows— God established marriage in the garden with Adam and Eve based on a covenant promise in Genesis 2:24, which defines marriage as joining two into one. The traditional wedding vows we are familiar with are not in the bible but are based on biblical principles.
The first recorded evidence of a marriage ceremony uniting a man and woman is around 2350 B.C. in Mesopotamia. Over several hundreds of years, marriage evolved into an accepted union by Romans, Greeks, and Hebrews. The primary purpose was to bind women to men, guaranteeing that a man’s children were his biological heirs. The father would hand over his daughter and say, “I pledge my daughter for the purpose of producing legitimate offspring.” If a wife failed to produce offspring, her husband could give her back and marry someone else.
The first mention of marriage vows was in a prayer book from the Medieval Church in England, written in 1549. The book has marriage vow examples that modern vows have incorporated. If you would like to learn more about the different areas of traditional wedding vows and where in the bible they stem from, check out this article on Wedding Wire.
Wedding Rings—Ancient Egyptians were the first to exchange rings made of braided reeds and hemp. They placed them on the fourth finger of the left hand because of their belief that a ‘vein of love’ ran from that finger to the heart. The circle of the ring also was symbolic of an endless circle of eternal love with no end, the promise of bonding forever.
Ancient Romans and Greeks wore rings of ivory, bone, or leather. Wealthy people began creating rings of gold and silver for their marriage commitments. Romans believed the left hand to be unholy and untrustworthy, so they placed their wedding rings on the right hand. The right hand serves as a symbol of loyalty, honor, and trust. Today there are about 20 countries where married couples place their rings on the right hand.
The first diamond wedding ring was recorded in the will of a widow who died in 1417. The oldest surviving diamond ring is from the late 100s CE in Rome when diamonds were valued for their harness rather than brilliance.
Men’s Wedding Rings—Wedding rings for men didn’t become popular until WWII. It was then soldiers wore them as a way to remember their wives back home. Many of the weddings in 1942 were quick, taking place within a week of the announcement because of a soldier being deployed.
The tradition of soldiers wearing wedding rings continued through the Korean War. The practice eventually caught on for non-soldiers as well.
Bridal Party—While the purpose of the bride and groom is clear, why do we have all the other members of the bridal party? What was their original purpose?
Bridesmaids—In ancient Rome, bridesmaids protected the bride. They would all wear the same dress as the bride to confuse evil spirits and prevent them from finding the bride. This prevented the couple from being cursed on their wedding day. Roman law also required ten witnesses to every wedding, so there would be five bridesmaids and five groomsmen.
Groomsmen—Derived from an ancient tradition of kidnapping a bride, a man would employ his friends to help him fight other warriors and prevent the bride’s family from finding the couple. Because weddings were a business transaction rather than a union of love, the groom needed an excellent swordsman to retrieve a runaway bride or fend off a bride’s angry family not approving the marriage. The term Best Man referred to the quality of a man’s swordsmanship, and the groom’s main warrior companion was the equivalent of today’s best man.
Flower Girl—In ancient Rome, a young virgin would carry sheaths of wheat, believed to bring well-being and good fortune to a newly married couple. Over time the sheaths of wheat were replaced by flowers scattered along the bride’s path to the altar.
Ring Bearer—In Victorian times, a pageboy would carry the bride’s train down the aisle, along with a prayer book. During this time, Victorians began displaying the ring on a small pillow to show their wealth. Pillows were expensive, luxury items that only the elite members of society could afford. Over time, the pageboy carried the ring pillow down the aisle. That tradition evolved into today’s ring bearer.
Witnesses to the Wedding—Ancient Roman law required ten witnesses to be present at a wedding. At that time, the legal witnesses were all men, but the bride was also escorted by female attendants. Not only did witnesses watch the marriage ceremony, but they also witnessed the consummation of the couple on their wedding night.
Yes, the newlyweds had sex in the presence of witnesses. This was usually done with the bed curtains closed and the observers on the room’s outer edges. If the marriage was not consummated, it could be declared null and void, and the couple granted an annulment. The witnesses were present to confirm the couple had sex, forming an unbreakable union. In modern times, witnesses only have to sign a marriage license as confirmation that a couple has legally married.
Unity Candle – The unity candle became popular in the second half of the 20th century in American Christian weddings. This is attributed to a 1981 General Hospital episode where a couple used a unity candle. The candle symbolizes the merging of two individuals, creating a blended family.
Sealed With a Kiss—This tradition began in Ancient Rome when marriage was a contract. Instead of signing your name, you confirmed your commitment to the agreement with a kiss. It was believed that by binding the marriage with a kiss, the couple exchanged spirits, sending part of themselves into their spouse, binding them as one.
Bridal Bouquet—Ancient Greeks and Romans carried aromatic herbs, garlic, and grains to drive away evil spirits and bad luck during the wedding. Floral garlands the bride and groom wore symbolized a new beginning and hopes of fertility, fidelity, and happiness. Some bouquets included rosemary for loyalty, wheat for fertility, ivy for an unbreakable bond, heather, thistle, thyme, or basil for protection, and dill as an aphrodisiac. Carrying aromatic flowers was also a way for brides to mask their body odor before frequent bathing was practiced.
Bouquet Toss—Tossing of the bridal bouquet dates back to 14th century England when unmarried women tried to rip off pieces of a bride’s dress or flowers to gain some of her good luck, hoping to become the next one married. The bride would toss her bouquet into the crowd and run for safety to prevent being mobbed.
By the 1800s tossing the bouquet became a wedding tradition, with single women wanting to catch the bouquet as a sign of good luck for their future marriage. At that time, marriage was the only way a woman could bring her family out of poverty.
Garter Toss—Garters were originally a necessity, holding up the stockings of both men and women. The toss dates back to the same safety problem in England and France when guests would try to rip off a piece of the bride’s clothing for luck. To protect his bride, the groom would take his new wife’s garter and throw it out into the crowd, and the couple would escape.
Receiving Line—I couldn’t find any information on when this practice began and assume it was a tradition before wedding receptions were a standard part of weddings. The receiving line immediately after a wedding is the couple’s first opportunity to “receive” guests as a married couple. The line usually includes the bride and groom, their parents, and members of the wedding party. It provides each guest a moment with the newlyweds to offer congratulations. It also ensures that the couple can personally thank each of their guests for attending.
Reception—Wedding receptions were not frequently held until the early 1960s. Before that time, if a reception was held, it was usually a casual affair at the home of the bride’s parents with cake and punch.
Carry Bride Over Threshold— This tradition goes back to ancient Rome when the groom dragged a bride unwilling to leave her parent’s over the threshold of her new home.
In medieval Europe, it was believed that brides were vulnerable to the invasion of evil spirits through the soles of their feet. To protect his new wife, the groom would carry her through the front door.
Later, it was believed that if a bride tripped entering her new home, it would bring bad luck to the marriage. The groom carried his new wife across the threshold to prevent her from tripping.
Tying Cans to Car Bumper—This custom dates back to sixteenth-century France and early twentieth-century Appalachian customs. The idea is to harass newlyweds on their wedding night through a noisy celebration with friends and neighbors banging pots and pans, singing, and making noise outside the couple’s window. Eventually, the newlyweds would invite everyone in for refreshments. It is believed that tying cans to the back of a newly married couple’s vehicle is an adoption of the noisy shivaree.
Wedding Dances—Many wedding party dances are popular, and I wondered how they all came into existence.
The First Dance dates back to 17th-century Europe when formal balls were popular. It was customary for the guest of honor or person of the highest social status to lead the first dance. This led to the tradition of a married couple having their first dance at a wedding.
The dance is the couple’s first cooperative and joint endeavor, symbolizing the consummation of the wedding. Their manner of dance, expression, and steps reveal the harmony between the bride and groom.
The Father-Daughter Dance dates back to when marriages were arranged as a monetary contract rather than love. The father-daughter dance was a final demand of the bride’s father on his daughter before her husband became the most important man in her life. After the father-daughter dance, the bride could dance with her new husband, whom she had likely just met.
In modern society, the father-daughter dance usually occurs after the bride and groom have first danced together. It now symbolizes the bride’s love and appreciation of her father.
The Mother-Son Dance is a modern addition to a wedding reception. It is comparable to the father-daughter dance and allows a groom to show his love and appreciation for his mother.
Bride Changing Last Name—The practice of a woman taking her husband’s last name dates back to the Middle Ages when societies were becoming organized. Under English common law, women were barely acknowledged and had no legal rights. The concept of coverture was the basis of a woman taking a man’s last name in marriage. Coverture was the legal status of a married woman. Because women had no legal identity, coverture placed them under their husband’s protection and identity.
Women were under the control of their fathers and then their husbands. They had no legal ability to make contracts, own a business, or own property. They had no legal rights to their possessions, clothing, children, or their bodies, and marriage rape was legal. If their husbands sent them out to perform labor, the husband collected the wages.
Within the U.S., the first break in coverture took place under the Married Women’s Property Act of 1848. Over time that act underwent amendments so that women could eventually attend school, obtain driver’s licenses, work, and vote. It took a long time for women to gain rights. Women in the U.S. could not get a driver’s license, passport, or register to vote if they didn’t take their husband’s last name. Marital rape did not become illegal until the 1970s.
Though no longer legally bound to take their husband’s last name, about 70% of women follow the tradition. This makes it easy for a married couple and their offspring to show daily unity.
Wedding Cake—In ancient Rome, wheat cakes were broken over a bride’s head to promote fertility. It later became customary to stack the wheat cakes on top of each other, and the bride and groom were challenged to kiss over the tower without knocking it over. If successful, they would enjoy a life of good fortune.
In modern times, white cake symbolizes purity. The joint task of the bride and groom cutting the cake represents their first joint task of married life, and feeding it to each other symbolizes the commitment they are making to each other.
Saving the top layer was originally for use at their future child’s christening. The bride was expected to be pregnant within the first year of marriage. The top layer is now used to celebrate the couple’s first marriage anniversary.
Tie The Knot—Handfasting dates back to ancient Celtic times and is a spiritual ritual of tying a bride’s and groom’s hands together during the wedding ceremony. The phrase “tying the knot” stems from binding the couple’s hands together during this ceremony with colored cords to symbolize their union of love.
For a three-cord handfasting, the colors of white for purity, blue for fidelity, and red for passion were braided together. Other colors include green for fertility and growth, purple for spiritual strength, and gold for wisdom.
The couple’s hands are not released until the marriage is complete. In modern times, a couple says their vows while bound together, then finish the ceremony with rings. Historically, the binding remained in place after the wedding ceremony, and the couple was escorted to the bedchamber to consummate their union. It was believed that if the couple survived the day bound together, they would survive their marriage together.
Throwing Rice—Marriage was traditionally seen as a way of building a family and increasing a person’s assets. Ancient Romans often threw wheat or oat seeds, which meant the birth of new life. The change to rice was likely because it was often available and low cost. Whichever grain was used, it symbolized fertility and prosperity. Tossing grain over newlyweds signified good luck and best wishes toward producing babies and good harvests.
Honeymoon—The term honeymoon dates back to the 5th century when the calendar was represented in moon cycles. After marriage, a couple would drink mead, an alcoholic beverage made from honey, during their first moon of marriage. Drinking the fermented honey liquor under the moon was believed to boost fertility and increase the odds of producing children early in the union.
The American honeymoon tradition dates back to 19th century Great Britain when relatives could not always attend the wedding. The newly married couple would travel by train and carriage to visit those unable to attend. This was called a bridal tour and often lasted for weeks or months.
Not Married? Be glad it isn’t 1860 to 1880 when the term Spinster was used to describe women who never married. During that time period, eleven percent of the American female population didn’t marry. This was probably because of the Civil War, which killed 600,000 men. It was during this period that women began obtaining a college education. The male opinion was that a female college graduate would be a poor homemaker.
Were you surprised at how many traditions deal with monetary transactions, ownership of women, and superstition? Let me know what you think in the comments below.
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I have spent weekend after weekend at home, sorting through all my current items and those in boxes, preparing for my estate sale. Today I took some “me” time and attended the #RochesterWriters Spring Conference. I enjoyed a day of informative keynote speakers and instructors, plus socializing with other writers. It was time well spent, combining instruction in self-publishing with networking. There is something about spending a day with other writers that inspires one to write. Even though you haven’t seen me here in quite a while due to everything going on in my personal life, I find myself here tonight writing a quick blog, just to say hi and let you know I am still alive and kicking.
Today I participated in two holiday traditions, a Christmas gathering for the Blue Water Shutterbugs Camera Club and the writing of my annual Christmas letter, which I do in lieu of a card. The writing of Christmas greetings and handling out of Christmas gifts are two areas where I recently learned the history of the tradition.
I am dealing with dreams in various aspects of my life, and the reality is I have been slow in taking action, but every small step I make gives me a feeling of accomplishment and the desire to push forward….I just need to start doing it at a faster pace!
A prime target has become schools, where firearms are not allowed. By an act of violence upon the innocent the “nobody” — a coward in my eyes because of the venue and victim type he/she chooses — has now become a celebrity. Thanks to mass media the shooter’s photo is displayed on TV and in newspapers across the country repeatedly, video clips of the shooting and aftermath are played again and again. Whether captured or killed, the shooter’s name will go down in history of having done something that made them headline news…a celebrity of sorts, even if for the negative they created.
In looking at my investments I also took a good look at my living expenses v. income and realized that while I am making my bills with the assistance of my husband’s life insurance, I can not really consider that “living in the green.” Let’s face it, the life insurance savings won’t last forever, and living month-to-month is not the way I want to spend my retirement. I also realized that I can not retire and continue to live where I am at. The decision, I need to downsize. Now there is a lot of stuff in this house that I must sort, decide what to keep, what to toss, and what to sell. That will take some time. I would like to be out in six months, a year is more realistic, and it may take beyond that. However the longer it takes the more money I am spending on this house that I could be saving or using for more fun things.
--- LIFE IS A MELTING POT --- Grace Grogan...Writer, Photographer 