While the age-old saying about hindsight being 20/20 is often used, the roll-over of the new year gives it an entirely new meaning. Regardless of what you personally think of the past year, there are likely some choices you would have made differently. This is true for any year, but especially given the horrific one we had.
Are there thing I would have changed? Not many. I would not have remained in Yuma throughout the summer; day after day of 115 degree heat is too much! The choices we made kept us healthy, except for a couple rounds of illness I had in the middle of the summer so it was not a bad choice either.
I regret not getting back to Michigan to see my kids and grandchildren. Michigan was a roller coaster ride of what the Governor was going to keep open or shut down from week to week, so we decided not to risk it. We are looking forward to our upcoming travel plans.
While death, disruption, loss of income, and depression are what many will likely recall when they think back on the past year, there are also some positives that should come to the forefront:
More time together with your spouse/partner/significant-other or any other name you call the person you reside with
More time to do gardening, crafts, hobbies
Homemade food, especially baked goods became a normal day of life for many
Kids enjoyed being home with their parents and having more family time
Truly learning what your kids are studying in school if they were doing remote learning
Less air pollution from traffic meant cleaner air to breathe
Many people learned how easy and convenient it is to work from home
Companies may now decide to lower their overhead by having more people work from home on a regular basis
Everyone has become more tech savvy thanks to Zoom, Jitsi Meet, and Google Meet
Those who reside too far away to attend club meetings were brought “into the loop” through online meetings
Vacation doesn’t mean you have to travel far
As for me, I’ve spent my time writing, processing photos and videos, and have taken a real liking to adult coloring books.
Whatever the things are that stay-at-home orders and Covid-19 brought to you, remember hindsight is 2020 and you can now envision a bright future in 2021.
When you own hotels, you can collect a lot of rent. Every time you round the corner you collect $200, and there is always a chance you can get out of jail free. Every player knows it is better to purchase property on Park Place and Boardwalk than it is on Mediterranean or Baltic Avenue. The real competition is everyone wanting to own a railroad Monopoly.
Of course, it is important to know how to manage money properly, which includes dealing with bills, expenses, insurance, making deals, and getting a commission. Let’s not forget to collect your PayDay at the end of the month. The goal is to always have more cash and savings than any of your friends
The important thing in being successful is to set your own victory conditions and decide the best way is to allocate your money, fame and happiness to achieve your Careers goal. As with any position, experience is beneficial, and opportunity helps you move ahead. Decisions on life’s goals help you determine your college educational degree and your salary level.
You don’t want to get into Trouble as you move out of home and start racing around. The way to cross the finish line first is to force your opponents back home.
When you are racing there is always the risk of bumping an opponent, and in such a case it is always proper to say Sorry!
As we all know, when going through life it is easy to have expenses, in which case you may crank your credit cards up to $50,000 due. That is what happens when you always say Charge It!
Now that you own a Monopoly, and have solid Careers with a regular PayDay, you may know that the goal is to keep you out of Trouble and you can always tell your friends Sorry when you are constantly saying Charge It!
I hope you have enjoyed my little tour of some of my favorite games from my youth. Keep in mind that as you proceed through The Game of Life, making decisions about college, marriage, jobs, and retirement there will always be stumbling blocks along the way. That is sometimes what happens when you work with others, only to have them turn against you and before you know it you may be caught in a Mouse Trap and out of the game.
Author’s Note: It was recently brought to my attention that there are readers out there who may not be familiar with the board games I played while growing up. My favorite by far was Monopoly, and my favorite playing piece was the car. PayDay is a spin-off from Monopoly. I passed my love of Monopoly down to my son, who as a teen had the game Triopoly. I believe all the games shown above are still available todayin either vintage or updated versions.
The most frequent use of our phones is social media. The average person picks up their phone 58 times per day, which includes sending or looking at text messages, checking email, placing calls, playing games, and social media. The total daily time spent on smart phones averages between three hours fifteen minutes to four and a half hours on their phone every day.
Social media is addictive. I became multi-connected for the purpose of promoting my photography and writing. The most addictive for many is Facebook, with a few others close behind.
What are the problems with social media? Let’s take a look.
1. Addiction
Social media is used for everything from personal connections to business promotions. It has become a necessity of life. The problem is many people are unable to walk away from it, even for a short period of time. Those are the addicts.
You see them everywhere. Have you ever been in a restaurant where people are sitting at a table together, but everyone is on their phone? Why are they unable to put down their phones and converse with each other?
We all know people who if you make a comment and tag them, they respond immediately regardless of whether it is morning, night, or the middle of their workday. They can’t resist the “ping” that tells them they have a notification for something.
Addiction came to my attention recently when I responded to a political question on Facebook. The poster said, “you didn’t answer within 12 hours.” She had a time limit on when anyone could give an answer!
That shows she is addicted to social media and assumes everyone else lives their lives wrapped up in it as well. I hadn’t looked at Facebook posts within that amount of time so my answer was, to her, invalid due to being “late.”
I will admit, I sometimes will “share” things to Facebook without going into the program, so I probably fall into a posting habit trap.
2. Brain Saturation
Social media is a means of sharing information that 50 years ago no one cared about. Do we really need to know that someone is out to dinner and where? Do we need to see a photograph of what they cooked for dinner? Is it important we know they got their hair cut, had a pedicure, got new glasses or went to the doctor?
That is there life, not ours. This is the type of useless information we now know about everyone we are connected to. We are all guilty of sharing those tidbits at least part of the time. Probably now more than ever due to social distancing orders. Social media is now providing us with human connections that we are unable to get on a more personal level.
3. Lack of Face-to-Face Interaction
While this is a benefit during the Covid-19 pandemic, it also creates social distancing. Zoom meetings are a wonderful way of connecting from the comfort of your own home, and remote work is great, especially when you live on the road as I do. The concern is whether we will become withdrawn from society as a whole.
Will face-time phone calls replace getting together? Will we remain socially distanced by having our conferences and meetings held remotely, or will we return to in-person gatherings that require more forethought and planning? Hopefully it will become a combination of the two.
I think the virtual meetings have benefits. There are those who are unable to make it to in-person meetings due to health or distance. Those virtual meetings add personal human connections to their lives. However I also think nothing can replace in-person interactions we have without the assistance of a computer or phone.
4. Cyber-Bullies
Social media brings out the hostility in people. When you are not looking at someone face-to-face it is much easier to be rude. This has happened frequently during the presidential race, most likely inspired by our own president using social media to cyber-bully everyone from people in his own administration to leaders of foreign nations.
I have been called racist, old, a murderer (when discussing right-to-choose re abortion), idiot, ignorant, etc. all because of my political views. Would those same people have said those things to my face? Most likely not. Have I said things on social media I most likely would not have said in person? Yes.
The point is, social media provides a protective barrier that allows people to let down their guard and be rude to people in a way they otherwise would not be. This is especially true because the majority of people are connected through groups, etc. to people they never have and probably never will see in person. If you wouldn’t say it in person, you shouldn’t say it on social media.
5. Personal Privacy
There are people that post all their personal issues online. If they have a fight with their spouse, it is out there. If they have an encounter with someone at the grocery store, they rant about it online. Have a dispute with your neighbor, it is out there for the world to see. Your child runs into a problem at school, everyone on Facebook knows about it.
People have lost their desire to keep private matters private. They no longer consult with their best friend for support, they now post it on social media for 200 of their closest acquaintances to chime in on and/or share with their social media acquaintances.
Everyone should give consideration to the delicacy of the information they are sharing about their personal relationships prior to posting.
So Where are We Now?
Social media is here to stay. We are a cyber-connected world now, and if you haven’t embraced it thus far, eventually you will be forced into it. The world revolves around our ability to be online for banking, paying bills, work, and communicating.
What social media platforms are you connected to? What are your favorites? What is it you like about them? Enjoy cyber-life, but don’t forget about real life in the process.
My Social Media Platforms:
I invite you to check out some of my pages and subscribe to my blog and/or YouTube channel.
Facebook Photography Page – I share photographs I have available for sale, sometime videos I have posted onto YouTube, and other tidbits of information on my Times Gone By Photography Facebook page.
Facebook Grace Grogan, Writer Page – Where I share links the genealogy column I write for The Lakeshore Guardian, links to my blogs that are posted here on WordPress, and other things connected to writing.
Fine Art America – this is the place to view all my photographs I have available for sale, which can also be placed on various items such as shower curtains, throw pillows, mugs, beach towels, tote bags, etc.
Fine Art America – Ron Grogan – This is the page my deceased husband had for viewing and selling his photography, which I continue to manage
Pinterest – a collection of tidbits, including links to my writing and photography
The memories I have of my grandmothers, two very different but wonderful ladies, are as different as they were. Although they were both born during a time when women didn’t work outside the home, my paternal grandmother did on occasion out of necessity.
Both of my grandmothers wore a full apron when at home. When you arrived they were always happy to see you, and you knew your were going to be fed a full meal. While my maternal grandmother always made homemade pie, my paternal grandmother favored cake and cookies. Her sour cream drop cookies were the best!
If you haven’t read Memories of My Grandma – Part 1 I encourage you to read it, as it will show how different two very important women in my life were.
My Paternal Grandmother
Louise Elizabeth Lautner King was born on January 1, 1912. She was born into the well-known and respected Lautner family. The Lautner’s had immigrated from Bohemia in the 1800s.
Eight Lautner brothers settled a huge track of land that became known as the Lautner Settlement in Traverse City, and they became prominent dairy farmers. When my grandmother was growing up her father, Louis Lautner, was a restaurateur.
Grandma Wins Beauty Contest
My grandmother won a “most beautiful baby” contest when she was 2 years old. Her prize was a doll that was larger than she was. After having 3 sons, she gave the doll to the daughter of a needy family and thought she would never see it again.
When Grandma’s 90th birthday was announced in the Traverse City Record Eagle the family she had given that doll to decades before saw the announcement. They still had Grandma’s doll and Grandma was reunited with her prize possession at her 90th birthday party.
My grandmother’s desire was that the doll be donated to a museum. My aunt and uncle took the doll and a framed scrapbook page I made for Grandma showing her pictures with the doll at 2 years and 90 years to accompany the donation. I don’t know if the donation has been made. It would be neat to visit a Traverse City museum and see my grandmother’s doll on display.
Growing Up
When Grandma was 6 years old her father built the farmhouse she grew up in. Grandma remembered hearing the sirens that signaled the end of World War I on November 11, 1918 as her father was working on the home.
Grandma lived in that home from the time she was 6 years old until she placed herself into assisted living in her late 80’s. I don’t know the exact dates, but I estimate it was around 82 years she lived in that home.
My grandmother grew up at a time when education for females was not considered important. When she graduated from 6th grade her parents refused to attend the ceremony. They didn’t think it was important for her to be educated. I think it is sad that Grandma’s parents refused to witness this important day in her life.
Grandma had a bit of a wild side to her. She met the man that would become my grandfather when he and a friend pulled into the yard of the farm. She thought Grandpa was cute. When he invited her to go out riding in his car, she hurried to get her chores done and left before her parents knew.
Louise Elizabeth Lautner married Dominic Florian King on January 18, 1931. Grandma was 19 years old; Grandpa was 9 years older. Grandpa moved into the farmhouse with Grandma and her parents. A year after the marriage her parents moved out and Grandma and Grandpa continued to reside and raise their family on the farm.
After their marriage Grandma taught Grandpa to sign his name. He was a smart man and a hard worker but lacked a formal education, having only attended school through the 3rd grade.
My grandparents worked the farm and raised three boys there, including my father. They had a considerable amount of property, but that didn’t keep them from suffering financial loss as a result of the great depression. Due to a need for additional income my Grandmother sometimes worked outside the home in canning factories.
Memories of the Farm
From the time I was about 3 years old we lived several hours from my grandparents. Prior to that time we would visit, but I don’t have much recollection of time spent there.
On our trips to visit family in Traverse City we always stayed at the home of my maternal grandparents. We visited my paternal grandparents on every trip, but my memories of the farm are scant.
I do remember when they had the property across the street from their home, which included a barn and pigs. Other than walking over to see them, I don’t remember anything about the pigs or barn. I assume they slaughtered them for meat.
When my parents were dating my grandmother made Schwarz Sauer. That is a German soup made with pigs’ blood, but my mother never ate it. Grandma had made her an alternative dish when she was visiting during that meal.
I remember walking the woods of the property across the road, searching for morel mushrooms with my grandparents. The property seemed huge to me as a child, and it was sizeable.
They sold the land across the road when I was a young teen. It was purchased by a Mennonite family, and for a long time one huge house stood grandly on the land. That land is now a subdivision.
As an adult I drove through the subdivision and was impressed with what a prize piece of land my grandparents had and sold. There are areas on the property with a view of Grand Traverse Bay.
I have always wondered why my great-grandfather didn’t build his home on that section of land. The spot he chose for his home did not offer the scenic views available across the road.
Back on the other side of the road where the house is located, the property behind the house had two large barns and a chicken coop. I do not remember any of those having livestock in them, but I know that when the farm was in full operation it did.
As a child I remember going inside the barn with my father and grandfather. It was filled with farming equipment. I remember standing and tilting my head way back to see the upper loft. Being a city kid, I was amazed at the barn’s size.
There was an outhouse that still stands behind the barns. When the home was sold 2-3 years ago but had not been used in decades. I wish I had asked if there had originally been one closer to the home.
I know the electricity was put into the home when my father was a child. He spoke of running from the fields in excitement when the lights came on for the first time. I’m not sure when the house had plumbing installed.
I remember Grandma keeping ducks in a pen attached to the chicken coop. I wasn’t there often enough to have any detailed memories of that. There was a large field next to the house and the property ran as far as you could see behind the barns.
The property went all the way from M-72 where the house was back to Barney Road. They had a total of about 50 acres just on that side of the highway. As a teen my cousins, my sister, and I road snowmobiles on the property one winter. We ran in a loop through the field, back to Barney Road, around the woods and back. I was amazed at how far we could go and still be on their property.
Louise Elizabeth Lautner, 6 years old. Photo taken December 21, 1917 in Grand Rapids, Michigan
Grandma watering her garden with her back to the main street and drive of the property they wold.
Grandma with Ron and me on our wedding day
Grandma, Louise Elizabeth Lautner, age 6 months with her father, Louis Lautner
Grandma – Louise Elizabeth Lautner – 4 years old
My grandparents, Louise and Dominick King
Grandma with my daughter, Caroline
Louise and Dominick King – Easter Sunday 1930
Grandma after winning most beautiful baby contest, age 2 with her prize
Louise Lautner King with horses Barney and Chuck hooked to plow
Grandma and Grandpa – on the back Grandma wrote it was a picture of her and Dominick before they were married. She was 17 years old with a glass of homebrew in hand. “Ma took the picture so guess her and Pa approved”
Grandma ready to go help her Dad with the hay, didn’t want to but had to – age 16 years
The House and Yard
The house was unique, and part of that had to do with my grandparents remodeling the home before I was born. It had wide wood trim throughout that I always liked, and a big front porch. The porch was not often used, at least when we were there, but did have a glider seat on it.
Porch Sitting
The back of the house had a huge cement porch that resembled a patio. Near the house was the cistern, which we were warned to stay away from. A cistern is a reservoir tank for rainwater. When placed near a home like that it is often used for flushing toilets. I don’t know if that was its purpose, but it was near the bathroom.
The land was at different levels near the house, so on the side of the porch you could walk onto the driveway. From the back of the porch you had to go down steps to reach the yard. Because it was of sizeable height in that area Grandma had flowerbeds planted beside it. On the other side of the porch, you could again walk right off and into the lawn.
Grandma had a wash line in her backyard. There were flowers planted at each of the poles, and what most didn’t know is that was where her deceased German Schnauzers were buried.
The first, Poody, was trained to do tricks. I remember as a kid how fun it was to watch him jump through a hoop held in different positions. He would also sing when prompted.
After Poody was given his resting place, Grandma and Grandpa got Hantze. They decided not to train Hantze to do tricks, but he was a good dog. Hantze traveled with them, and loved a nice dish of ice cream.
The back porch was where Grandma enjoyed sitting. She had a large rose bush along the house that my mother had purchased for her early in my parent’s marriage. Grandma had a garden hose that ran out of the house for watering the flowers, but the best was the hose direct from the well.
One time my sister got the hose from the house and sprayed me with it. It had a lot of power, but Grandpa said he would fix me up and took me to the well house. He gave me a hose that ran direct from the well and the pressure was awesome!
I was able to stand on the back porch and spray my sister, Carol, as she was running away. She was almost to the barns before I couldn’t spray her anymore. I can still see the spray of water arching up into the sky and back down at Carol’s back as she ran. What fun that was!
On the Inside
We never entered that house through the front door. You always pulled up into the drive, went down by the barns and turned around, then drove up and parked on the drive so you were facing the road when ready to leave. Grandma lived on M-72 and cars went by fast.
You would enter the back door, which took you into a shed. You would go down a few steps, then back up a few steps into the back of the kitchen. If you turned left before entering the kitchen, you stepped up into the storage area of the shed.
The shed had a counter and cupboards. It was an overflow storage of sorts and where grandma sat cakes and cookies so they stayed cool until ready to serve. It was also through this area that you walked to go upstairs.
The Kitchen
The kitchen was a huge, traditional country kitchen. The door you entered through from the shed had a glass center, so you always knew if Grandma was in the kitchen when you arrived. She would come rushing to the back door to greet you upon arrival.
As you stepped in there was a large farmer’s sink to the right. That was used for washing up after you had been in the garden or other miscellaneous tasks. There were two large wooden rocking chairs, one on each side, my favorite spot in the kitchen.
To the left was Grandpa’s chair, and beside that a long low table holding magazines and other miscellaneous items. Grandma’s chair is on the right, next to the window. From there you can look out onto the drive if awaiting the arrival of guests.
When visiting I loved sitting in the large wooden rocker and talking with Grandma as she prepped food. Chatting involved catching up on the latest gossip. You found out everything that was going on in the family.
Grandma loved gossip! I can still here her saying “oh go on!” when she was questioning something or as emphasis in one of her stories.
Beyond those rocking chairs was the kitchen table and refrigerator, and then the stove, counters and cupboards stretched across the back. There was a stool Grandma would sit on while cooking, which allowed her to keep an eye on food while chatting.
The layout of my grandparent’s house was interesting. Probably because they had done some remodeling, which added character to the layout. I loved the wide molding and built-in cabinets.
Living Room
Leaving the kitchen you stepped into what I had always known as the living area. To the left was the entry to the bathroom. Normally not something worthy of mention, but I always thought it was interesting it had another door that went out into the shed. Most likely because it made it easier to access the bathroom if coming from upstairs.
The living area itself was long and narrow, running probably 2/3 the depth of the house. The part immediately off the kitchen had once been a formal dining area. This was evident by the huge built-in china cabinet. That is where Grandma displayed family china, photos and knick-knacks.
In front of the china cabinet was a recliner, and next to it a stand with the black rotary phone on it. This was a convenient set-up, because Grandma could sit down and talk on the phone, but still have a clear view of the television at the other end of the room.
The rest of the room had ample seating for family gatherings, plus a small organ. Grandma enjoyed playing the organ, polka music being her favorite. Off the front of the living room was the front door.
Grandma’s Bedroom
Off the side of the living room was what my grandparents used as a bedroom. I believe it had originally been a parlor. There was no door, just an arched entry with built-in book cases on either side that faced into the living room. The bedroom itself was bright and welcoming with windows on two of the walls.
Upper Floor and Basement
I didn’t get into the upstairs or basement of my grandparent’s home except on a few occasions. I found them both interesting and worthy of mentioning.
The upstairs was, as typical of the day, unheated. It was made into two bedroom areas, but there was no doorway between, just opening to walk through one room and into the next. That is where my father and his two brothers slept when growing up.
One neat feature was that on both sides of the room there were small doors below a slanted ceiling. That was how you accessed a long narrow attic space. I remember Grandma had all kinds of things stored inside. Lots of unknown treasures!
My grandparents had a Michigan basement. I’m a city kid, I was amazed to go down into a basement that had dirt walls and a dirt floor. It was cool down in there and that was where she stored produce. It was dark and damp, had a low ceiling, and without someone with me I would have found it scary.
Things About Grandma
My grandmother had a wonderful sense of humor and loved a good laugh. She enjoyed attending parades, festivals, and loved polka music.
I didn’t realize it until she was gone, but my grandmother had a talent for writing. After she died I saw poems she had written in her 80’s and they were very good. I wish I had known we shared that interest when she was still alive.
Another regret is that I wasn’t able to spend more time with her as an adult, hearing stories of her years growing up and living on the farm. There is much I missed by living so far away.
Grandma loved surprises. One year after I was married, I didn’t know what to get her for Christmas. She was in her late 70’s or early 80’s at the time, and I came up with an idea. I made her a certificate saying she would receive one gift a month for a year.
When I made that certificate, I had no idea what I would send her. It was a fun year for both of us. I was struggling to come up with ideas, and she was waiting anxiously for her monthly package to arrive. One of her favorite gifts didn’t cost me a penny.
I had received a head scarf for free with a cosmetic order. I didn’t wear scarfs but Grandma did, so off it went in the mail. She was thrilled! Grandma liked the print of the fabric, it was the perfect size, and it didn’t slip off her head like some of them did. I never anticipated that kind of success from a freebie!
Grandma was living on her own in that huge farmhouse. She didn’t drive and it was a good distance from town for anyone to reach her. Grandma had been in and out of the hospital a few times, and without telling anyone made some calls and decided that the next time she was hospitalized she would not be going home, but would instead go into assisted living.
That must have a hard adjustment, leaving the home she had been in from the time she was 6 years old. Grandma did like to socialize, and being in the home she no longer had to fix her own meals, so the move had its benefits.
Grandma Turns 90
Grandma was in the assisted living facility for her 90th birthday. The family decided to hold a surprise birthday party for her. It was a wonderful gathering with two very special moments.
Grandma had been best friends with Mary from the time they were 6 years old, but they hadn’t seen each other in years due to their advanced age. Mary’s daughter brought her to Grandma’s birthday party.
When Grandma saw Mary come in she jumped up and rushed over. They hugged and then Grandma announced to everyone who Mary was. Two best friends beaming with joy at being together again. If only all friendships could last like that.
The second special moment was when Grandma was presented with the doll she had won in the beautiful baby contest at age 2. She was very happy to see the doll and kept referring to it as her baby. Photos were taken of Grandma with her doll.
I later made a scrapbook page of her with the doll at ages 2 and at 90, which I framed and gave to her the following Christmas. It hung on her wall until she passed.
What do you give a woman for her 90th birthday? I didn’t want to do the normal stuff, so I decided to make a 90 Years of History book. I used my scrap-booking hobby to fill a 4” 3-ring binder.
I researched and found at least one event and coordinating photo for every year of Grandma’s life. These were not personal events, they were world events, U.S. historical moments, and technological advances. It all began with the sinking of the Titanic in 1912.
It was a fun project, and revealed how things had changed during her lifetime. I received a card from Grandma later that said it took her a while, but she read the entire book. She was also surprised at all the things that happened during her lifetime.
Grandma Liked Eye Candy
Grandma may have been old in years, but she still appreciated a good-looking man. When she first went into assisted living, we figured there must have been a male resident she liked. She took a bit more care with her hair and makeup. She also was wearing nicer looking clothes.
After one of her surgeries Grandma needed physical therapy. She told me her therapist was a good-looking man with a nice body. She summed it up with “he’s cute!” Grandma said she didn’t mind going to physical therapy at all!
When Grandma was turning 90 I knew she would receive tons of sentimental cards decorated with flowers. I decided to shake things up a bit.
The card that accompanied my gift had a well-built man, shirtless, in tight jeans and a cowboy hat sitting backwards on a ladder chair. I wrote inside that I thought she needed at least one card that wasn’t full of flowers. She loved it!
A couple weeks after the party I received a note that she really liked my card, and that she was still fanning herself. She may have been 90 but she wasn’t dead yet!
Grandma died in 2005 at the age of 93. The book and scrapbook page I made celebrating her 90th birthday were displayed at her memorial. The book was returned to me. The scrapbook page is to be displayed with the doll in a museum.
If I Could Go Back
I would love to go back and spend a day with Grandma on the farm. It would be a fun day, filled with laughter.
As enter the house through the shed and walk into the kitchen Grandma will turn from the sink and rush over saying “well, hello Gracie,” giving me a kiss and hug. She will walk me through the house, showing me anything new she has gotten since my last visit. I will get an update on each family member she has received a photo of.
We will sit in the living room talking for a while. Grandma will get out the old Victrola and records. I’ll crank the handle to hear the music just like I did as a child.
When the phone rings Grandma will rush over, sit in the chair and pick up the receiver. “Oh, hello Mary, I can’t talk right now, Gracie is here. I’ll call you later, Bye.” Mary may have been Grandma’s best friend, but when you were vising, you came first. That is a courtesy people have lost these days.
While Grandma fixes us something to eat I will sit in large wooden rocker and listen to her fill me in on the latest family news. She will sit on her stool by the stove waiting for the hot water to warm in the kettle.
Grandma will fix us both a cup of instant coffee. I think it was a “modern convenience” that she liked. Instant was the only type of coffee I ever remember having at Grandma’s house. I don’t normally drink instant, but when visiting Grandma, I do.
After lunch Grandma will go out in the shed to get a cake she baked for my visit. It is made from a cake mix, but exceptionally moist because she always adds a cup of sour cream to the batter.
We go outside and walk around the yard as she shows me her gardens and how they are doing. She decides the bushes need some water, and I haul a lawn chair over for her to sit in while holding the hose.
When the watering is done we sit on the back porch and enjoy the weather. She talks about how the nicely the rose bush is blooming against the house. We talk about the barn on the adjacent property, and how it is falling apart compared to how nice her barns look.
Before I leave Grandma grabs me a gallon jar of homemade pickled bologna, and another of homemade dill pickles to take with me. I’m in snack heaven!
As I climb into my car I look up. Grandma is watching out the kitchen window by her rocking chair. I knew she would be there to wave goodbye. She always is.
We have all been watching the fear of the unknown unfold before us with the Coronavirus spread throughout the world, but more closely to home here in the United States.
We all need a break from the chaos, and below I am going to give you 10 positive Points to the stay-home orders.
I am in a unique class of citizens. We do not have a “sticks and bricks” home, we live full-time in an RV. Stay-at-home orders affect us a bit differently. We elected to stay put in the RV park here in Yuma, Arizona until things calm down. Being in an area where temps average 107 in the summer is not our choice, but we feel it is the best alternative if things do not calm down before then.
When I think back to one year ago in April 2019 I was winding down on the sorting out of my house in the anticipation of moving into an RV full time. I was prepping for an estate sale, selling my home, leaving my full-time job, and hitting the road. By mid-August, those things had been accomplished.
I enjoyed a wonderful fall traveling in eastern Canada, and warm winter in southern Texas and Arizona. Our plans for this summer to hit some national parks before heading back to Michigan to visit family have been pitched. We don’t know when or if we will be able to travel to Michigan this year.
The Port Huron Township RV Park we stayed in last summer is closed indefinitely due to the coronavirus. The Port Huron Lapeer Road KOA is price gouging, charging $75 per night if you want to make a reservation. Under the circumstances, our plans are in limbo.
The coronavirus has been the main focus of news for the past couple of months and will likely be for the next few months ahead. We all need is a positive brain break during our stay-at-home time. Here are some positives of the stay-at-home orders:
You no longer need to set an alarm clock. Sleep in or get up early, your choice.
You can dress however you want – casual, pajamas, the scroungy never-wear-in-public old clothes – whatever suits your fancy. You aren’t going anywhere, no one is visiting, so it’s all good.
No need to wear makeup – who is going to see you?
You can now read those books you purchased but never had time to read. Clean off that shelf and prepare for a literary shopping spree when the stay-home orders lift.
There is plenty of time to do spring cleaning. Does anyone really do that anymore?
Do the spring yard cleanup, plant flowers, ready the vegetable garden.
Clean the junk drawer, the closet, or the basement. Think how neat and organized things will be once this pandemic is over.
Lower gasoline expense – if you aren’t going anywhere you aren’t using any gas
Skim through recipe books and try some new recipes. Think of all the money you save by not eating out, shopping, going to events and concerts.
More time with your spouse, kids, significant other. Make art projects and play board games. Did out your old hobbies – woodworking, sewing, ceramics, stained glass – anything you used to do and normally don’t have time for.
Sit on your porch or deck and enjoy the sun, listen to the birds, drink a glass of wine.
Use this stay-home time to enjoy life. Someday you will be able to look back and remember the brain break you were awarded in the midst of a pandemic.
Hard to believe it has been seven weeks since I started my new lifestyle of living on the road full time in a motor home (a/k/a full-time RV). In that amount of time I have visited Ontario, Quebec, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia, Canada and Bar Harbor/Acadia National Park, Maine in the United States.
One thing you have to do when living this way is be conservative, be flexible, and enjoy life. Sometimes things go well, and other times the best laid plans can be foiled. Highlights of my travels and learning curve:
The best laid plans can be foiled when you make a day trip three hours away only to discover that town’s power is out and all businesses (including museum you wanted to visit) are closed.
Pulling off for a quick lunch break takes more planning in a 35-foot motor home towing a vehicle than it does in a car.
Ottawa, Ontario is the capitol of Canada and is a very interesting city, but bring your walking shoes. There is one parking lot in the entire city and a lot of area to cover. If you take a double decker bus tour it is a great way to get around, but you may end up with a tour guide who has a strong French accent and is difficult to understand.
Canadians are very pro recycling The question in grocery stores is “Do you have your own bag?” not “paper or plastic?” Some stores charge you for use of their bags.
You can not stock up when items are on sale. There is no extra room beyond the refrigerator and pantry.
There is a large percentage of people in Canada who hang their laundry outside to dry….many on pulley-style clotheslines.
When living in an RV, laundry is a necessary evil that must be done in a laundromat (most campgrounds have them) every 2-3 weeks.
You can live in a house for years and never wave at your neighbors, but in a campground everyone waves at everyone else.
The architecture and culture of Quebec City, with its fortification wall, Citadelle, and French influence is like taking a step into another country.
When you travel full time you need down time. This is not a vacation, it is a lifestyle.
When you give up on the road signs being true and think you will never see a moose, one shows up on the side of the road and you do not have the camera ready.
No matter how many times you see them, the difference between high tide and low tide at the Bay of Fundy is amazing. This is where you see the world’s largest tides.
Getting your mail an average of once every four to six weeks takes planning so it arrives in a city where you plan to be at the appropriate time.
A GPS can be your best friend and your worst enemy. Our Trucker GPS in the RV took us down a road that had been re-done two years ago and no longer goes through — it is now a dead end. When towing you cannot back up because it damages the tow unit, so we had to disconnect the jeep, turn the RV around and then re-connect before we could continue. Of course it would have helped if Ellsworth, Maine had put up a “Dead-End” sign, as a woman on the road said it happens all the time and they have been after the city to do something.
In many spots what is promoted as a “scenic drive” is overgrown with nothing to see.
Convection oven cooking is not difficult, just different. The three burners on the stove-top is much harder to adjust to as it does not easily accommodate large pans.
I have not adjusted to the feel of the motor home when driving in high winds or uneven pavement. That one is going to take some time!
This is an awesome way to live and I’m glad I took the plunge and jumped in with both feet.
As time goes on I look forward to sharing more of my travel adventures with everyone.
I have been, and continue to be, in the whirl-wind of trying to sort through 36+ years of belongings accumulated in my house and reduce the “keep” items down to what I can take with me in a 35-foot motor home, in which I will live and travel the United States and Canada. Needless to say, this is a monumental task. I am on the downside now, with only a few things left to complete, and the estate sale is scheduled May 2-6, 2019.
I have been sorting through old items, boxes never unpacked from when we moved here in February 2004, and family heirlooms, mementos and photographs. Those special items I have painstakingly gone through and divided between my two adult children. In the midst of all this my son has been moving out. Between working long hours and moving about 45 minutes away, he has taken a long time in the process with a couple trailer loads of items still left to move. This has made for a very stressful situation. We are now down to “crunch time” as the estate seller will need to come into the home and get things priced. My son made a comment about me pushing my sale back, but I refuse to do that. I need to get my house emptied, ready for sale, and sold quickly.
I have spent weekend after weekend at home, sorting through all my current items and those in boxes, preparing for my estate sale. Today I took some “me” time and attended the #RochesterWriters Spring Conference. I enjoyed a day of informative keynote speakers and instructors, plus socializing with other writers. It was time well spent, combining instruction in self-publishing with networking. There is something about spending a day with other writers that inspires one to write. Even though you haven’t seen me here in quite a while due to everything going on in my personal life, I find myself here tonight writing a quick blog, just to say hi and let you know I am still alive and kicking.
Once the sorting and packing is complete and I have moved into the RV, which will happen on or about April 23, 2019, you will begin to hear from me more often. As I move into fall and begin to travel the country I plan to post travel blogs of my adventures, and hopefully expand into writing some travel articles for magazines as well. What the future holds for me one can not be certain, but it will definitely be an adventure and a change in lifestyle.
Today I participated in two holiday traditions, a Christmas gathering for the Blue Water Shutterbugs Camera Club and the writing of my annual Christmas letter, which I do in lieu of a card. The writing of Christmas greetings and handling out of Christmas gifts are two areas where I recently learned the history of the tradition.
In the early 1850’s the first American made Christmas card was distributed by H. Pease, a printer and variety store owner in Albany, New York. Louis Prang, a German immigrant and printer perfected color printing and introduced a new colorful Christmas card in 1874. Within five years the sales were over 5 million. Popularity grew and Americans began sending cards instead of writing Christmas letters or making personal visits. Cards held their popularity until the 21st Century. The increased use of the internet led to a 60% decrease in the sale of Christmas cards in the past decade. In 1958 the average U.S. family mailed 100 Christmas cards. In 2001 that figure was down to an average of 28 cards per family sent and received. I know I have dropped my card sending down from about 75 to 30, and the number I receive has also substantially declined.
About eight years ago I went back to what I recently learned was the original tradition. Instead of purchasing and mailing Christmas Cards, I created a Christmas Newsletter that gave all the information on my family newspaper style. I use articles and columns to lay out my newsletter for easy reading. The first year I did this I received many positive responses. Friends and family enjoyed getting this newsworthy mailing rather than a purchased card with just a signature inside. Today I wrote and have printed my 2018 Christmas newsletter.
The Christmas party I attended today included a white elephant gift exchange, which is a bit different since it involves the giving of a used item from your home that is no longer of use to you but may be of use to someone else. They are given wrapped, but do not have the giver’s name attached. This provides a festive yet inexpensive way to enjoy the act of giving and receiving gifts.
Gift giving was not always part of Christmas tradition. The act of giving gifts increased from the 1820’s through the 1850’s, when shopkeepers re-shaped the holiday tradition. Prior to that time people gave unwrapped gifts. Then Americans began wrapping the gifts they gave, as a gift hidden in paper heightened the excitement and designated it as a gift. As this grew in popularity gifts from stores, factories and homes of laborers were wrapped in paper that advertised the material status of the giver. The more grand stores used distinctive colored paper and adorned them with tinsel cords and bright ribbon.
Gift giving became a symbol of materialism, as it signified family ties and the importance of the recipient to the giver. In 1856 Harper’s Magazine attached the security of a relationship to gift giving when it stated “Love is the moral of Christmas…What are gifts but proof of Love.” Gifts were given on a declining scale based on a person’s relationship. The best gifts were given to family and close social circles, lesser gifts in descending order of value to relatives and acquaintances. The deserving poor received the least valuable and least personal gifts.
The act of giving gifts was controversial, as some perceived it to be a materialistic perversion of a holy day. Affluence was viewed as a reward from God and charitable gifting as a Christian duty. A rich man could escape condemnation by acting in a generous fashion to help those in poverty. Best and Company had an advertisement in 1894 that suggested while purchasing items for Christmas the shopper should think of Children less fortunate and for them the store suggested “a gift of serviceable clothing” be chosen from a group of marked down goods that “would be more than welcome.”
In today’s society the act of giving to those less fortunate is seen in all aspects of our life, including toy donation boxes in stores, mitten trees, and the annual Salvation Army Red Kettle Drive to gather money for providing meals, toys, and other items to those in need. Over the years I have participated in various forms of charitable giving, including shopping for a needy child and/or family, donating to mitten trees, working as a server at a soup kitchen, donating a stuffed Christmas sock for a designated sex/age child.
As you go through your holiday preparations think about where the traditions came from, jot a personal note in that Christmas card and if you are able, help out a child or family in need. After all, it is an American tradition.
Thanksgiving has become a day when people are encouraged to express their thanks for the good things in their lives. Quite often one will say they are thankful for their husband, children, and friends. Rarely do you hear anyone say they are thankful for where they are at financially or for their worldly possessions. That just seems inappropriate, cold, and self-centered. So then why do we allow those things to take priority in our day-to-day lives the rest of the year.
I stumbled across this quote from Oprah Winfrey, “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never ever have enough.”
We live in a society where people are always striving to acquire more materialistic possessions…a bigger house, better car, nicer clothes, participate in fine dining, the best of the best. Unfortunately there are also a lot of people who are unable to achieve those things. Families that struggle financially, working just to pay their bills without luxuries others take for granted. Are those people less happy than those who have everything? Not necessarily. In some ways they may be emotionally richer.
Your happiness in life is not a product of the wealth. It is of the relationships you have, the peace you feel in your life. If you are always striving to better yourself financially, working hard to purchase all the “things” you want, doing what it takes to prove you are an accomplished person, you may find yourself with a lot of possessions but not really happy. You will always be pushing for something bigger and better, striving for a fulfillment you can’t quite reach.
If you concentrate on enjoying the little things in life — the beauty of a sunrise or sunset, the perfection of a flower in bloom, the joy in a child’s laughter, the sound of the waves crashing on a shore, and personal connections to the people around you, that is when you will find yourself content. Those are the things that hold value far greater than anything you can purchase. They are what gives life meaning.
Be thankful for what you have, not what you can purchase. If you concentrate on materialistic things you will never be fulfilled. If you focus on what you do have, the things that money can not buy and realize their value, you will find contentment, and anything beyond that is a bonus.
I had the pleasure of attending my 40th High School Class Reunion in Eaton Rapids, Michigan this weekend. The coordinators did a fabulous job of pulling the weekend together with a variety of activities to keep people on the move. This was especially nice for those of us traveling in from out of town, especially those traveling from out-of-state.
This is my bulleted list of memories of the weekend.
Meet-and-Greet at Eaton Rapids Medical Center Conference Room.
Great desserts!
Friendly conversation with classmates.
Tammy (Ball) Albright’s face sign
Olive burgers and beer at Abies Bar
Woman’s bathroom is small with two toilets, no stalls.
Breakfast at Darb’s Patio, always yummy!
Glitch in planned tour of high school – Honor Society students are prepared to do tour, school is locked and they don’t have keys.
Classmate makes a couple calls and resolution is on the way.
Dave Johnson, teacher when we attended, later principal, now retired, has master key to school and comes to rescue, conducts the tour, and does an awesome job of sharing the way it was when we attended, and what changes have been done over the years.
Touring the high school after 40 years brings back memories, including these mentioned during tour:
The Cold Tongue
The smoking bathroom
Pep Rallies
After home game dances
Band/band camp
Typing class
1-2-3 Roll’em Ferndock
World History class lectures in auditorium
Theater performances in auditorium
Mr. Phillips math classes
Mrs. Lohrke, English teacher
Mrs. Shimnoski and Mrs. Tuthill, Business/Secretarial Block teachers
Various athletes, coaches
Teachers and counselors now gone but long remembered
Library no longer has a comfy seating area of bean bag chairs, chairs, etc.
Senior Bench (now gone)
The former layout of the school compared to what it is now
Non-Reunion Activity: Quick stop-over to visit with my sister for a couple hours
Walking a block to the Red Ribbon Hall for the reunion because I thought all parking in front was taken; there were still open spots.
Some classmates’ appearance has hardly changed, very recognizable.
Some classmates have changed a lot — thank goodness for name tags!
Being surprised at how many people recognized me immediately.
Good food, good desserts.
Good conversation with old friends and classmates.
1978 Graduate photo frame for shooting pics
Fun slide show of “then and now” pictures of classmates.
Party Favors: Eaton Rapids glass and notepad
The Red Ribbon Hall has very good acoustics = loud atmosphere.
A lot of us still drink, but not like we used to!
Many of us no longer “close down the bar” and left before the party was over.
Cell phones are great for event pics…I didn’t see a single “real” camera all weekend.
Facebook sharing of activities and photos on the ERHS Class of 1978 Page
Sad realization that we have lost 11 classmates, a nice memorial table was set up.
A quiz of things about our last year of school – presented by Mrs. Wheeler, former teacher.
Each classmate was to stand and give their name (maiden) now and where living…which grew as it went around the room to name, where living, married/years, occupation, children/grandchildren.
Amazing how many people have stayed in Eaton Rapids and/or the Greater Lansing area.
Surprised at how many have moved out of state, or resided in several states.
Time passes so quickly. How is it we have already been out of school forty years? Many thanks to classmates Julie and Jane Brenke, and their sister Jill, for organizing the reunion as well as several others who stepped in and assisted them.
When you work 40 hours a week, the weekend is your time for everything – social activities, housework, projects, shopping, you pile it all in and attempt to get it done, frequently without success.
Last Thursday I created a to-do list for everything I want to get done by March 18th — that gives me two weekends and the evenings after work. It is an extensive list, I used a sheet of notebook paper to make it out. This being the end of the first weekend, I am already feeling either frustration or panic over whether or not I will get everything done. That got me to thinking, what makes a weekend successful?
Friday after work I went to an opening of an art show exhibit at Studio 1219, an art studio I have belonged to for years. I was there until 8 pm, viewing art and talking with several other artists I know. I stopped for dinner on the way home.
Once home I cleaned out “junk” email, then shopped online for a new laptop computer. Being the first time I have made a computer purchase on my own (that was always my husband’s department) I had no clue if what I was looking at was good for speed, memory, graphics, etc. Luckily a friend had recently ordered a laptop so I pulled up the unit they purchased and compared their information to mine. Feeling confident my selection was good I placed the order — laptop computer, laptop sleeve/case and external mouse. I went to bed at 3 am….so much for weekend rest!
Saturday I started a major project — cleaning out my deceased husband’s office. He had let it pile up the last couple years he was alive and I was literally stepping over and around stacks on the floor whenever I had to go in there. I pulled a considerable amount of stuff out into the upper landing and found the floor. Then I got a step stool and hauled everything out of the closet to see what was there. I spent quite a bit of time going through things, setting some aside as “keep” or “unsure” and a lot of items went into boxes marked “sell.” Boxes marked for sale I began stacking into the back of the closet. I still have a lot of stuff on the landing to go through, put away, or temporarily store somewhere during the cleaning process (I currently have a bathroom blocked). I still have more on the floor in the office to sort, not to mention on shelves and in cabinets, but I have made a decent dent and can actually walk into the room now.
Sunday morning I did a few household chores and worked on my computer. I had to prepare an Agenda for a meeting and email it out, preview a CD for a meeting later this week to make sure it ran on the laptop okay, plus a few other minor projects. I then headed out the door for a 2:00 pm lunch event with the St. Clair County Eagle Watcher’s, a photography group I belong to. This year’s event included a showing of five birds of prey. Camera’s were clicking as each bird was displayed and talked about. By 4:30 I was on the road and headed to purchase groceries.
I arrived home around 7:00 pm, unloaded and put away groceries, then chatted on the phone for about 30 minutes with a friend. I sorted about four days worth of accumulated mail, hand-wrote a draft to a column for a newspaper due this week, then drafted out this blog, which I will likely review and post Monday morning.
There are still a lot of things left on my list to do, way more than I have crossed out. Now the question is, even though I haven’t completed my list, was my weekend successful? I did attend two social events, spent the majority of one day working on a large cleaning/sorting project, completed a few other tasks, went grocery shopping, plus drafted a column and this blog,
While it is easy to look at the number of things still on my to-do list and get frustrated at what is left to do, I think I have to log the weekend as a success.
How was your weekend? Was it a success? What did you do? Was it filled with fun, work, or a combination?
As we go through life we develop habits, a way of doing things. Some of them are our own, some of them are done to accommodate the likes/dislikes of those around us. As we cycle through life those things change.
We develop likes and dislikes, ways of doing things, and personality traits from our parents, grandparents, siblings, other relatives and friends as we are growing. Then we become adults and move away from those we have grown up with. Some move away to attend college, some branch out on their own, living the single life, and others, like me, leave their parent’s home when they marry. Each of those different events will impact the individual person and their overall personality.
I grew up in a small town far away from distant relatives, I left my parent’s home when I married just before my 21st birthday. With my marriage I moved about two hours away from home. The person I married was not controlling, but he was nine years older and had far more life experiences than I. He had served overseas in the military, been married and had a child, and purchased a home. Looking back I adapted to his way of doing things more-so than he adapted to mine. He paid the bills, serviced the cars, did home repairs, and was the driving force in any major purchases. I was more willing to keep things as they were, to more or less “make do” with what we already had. That is how we lived for 34 years until he passed away in December 2015.
When he passed away I was living on my own for the first time in my life. I spent a couple years in a bit of a vacuum, going through the motions of life without really experiencing it to its fullest. I learned to do things I had never done before, such as yard work, getting cars serviced, and paying bills. You could say in that way I grew during that period of time, but I didn’t really evolve, I simply functioned.
With the help of a friend I began to re-evaluate where I was at and what changes I needed to make. I took a good look at the investments I had, and the company my husband had us with was not making me any money, in fact after paying the service charges I had lost money over the course of the two years since his death. I’m not a math person, but I’m not stupid. I needed a new financial advisor and I followed the recommendation of a friend and made a change. It has been a good one and I feel my financial future has a more positive outlook.
In looking at my investments I also took a good look at my living expenses v. income and realized that while I am making my bills with the assistance of my husband’s life insurance, I can not really consider that “living in the green.” Let’s face it, the life insurance savings won’t last forever, and living month-to-month is not the way I want to spend my retirement. I also realized that I can not retire and continue to live where I am at. The decision, I need to downsize. Now there is a lot of stuff in this house that I must sort, decide what to keep, what to toss, and what to sell. That will take some time. I would like to be out in six months, a year is more realistic, and it may take beyond that. However the longer it takes the more money I am spending on this house that I could be saving or using for more fun things.
Fun things. I am going to do some fun things this year. For the first time in about three years I am going to take a real vacation. I have to admit, once I made the commitment, put down the deposit and booked my airline flights I had some difficulty sleeping for a couple nights, but now I am looking forward to it. My first international flight on my own, I will be flying to Calgary, Alberta, Canada for the Calgary Stampede and spending 11 days out there. I have a friend who will meet me in Calgary. We will be staying in his motor home and taking in some of the scenic sights of the area, doing photography in addition to attending the Stampede. It should be an awesome trip and I am looking forward to it.
I have a girl’s weekend planned in Mackinac City. The weekend is a yearly event with my sister and two cousins, and we always change locations to keep it interesting. There is also the possibility of another weekend trip into Canada with a friend, but that one is only tentative at this point.
So, where am I in the cycle of life? I am in a growing stage. I have broken free of the “me” that I was when married and becoming the “me” that I am as a widow. I have started to walk around my house doing a visual inventory. “That was him, it goes.” “That is me, it stays.” Sometimes it is “That was us” and with those items, some will stay and some will go. When I move out of this house it will be a good, clean break and I will be continuing the ride as I cycle through life.
I was at a loss on what to write about this week. So much negativity in the news with school shootings, peace officer shootings, and of course the impact statements of victims of Larry Nassar. While we want to know what is going on in our world, and all of these items are certainly newsworthy, it still can oppress the spirit and drain you of energy.
Image and Quote found online Author unknown
Then I was online and stumbled across a cute little Good Morning image. It immediately made me smile. The visual impact of a buggy eyed frog grinning as it precariously hangs on by its feet from a tree branch is enough to bring a grin to anyone’s face. The message “Good Morning, Have a Happy Day” just says it all. Regardless of what your situation make the best of it.
We are a visual world and it seems we are constantly burdened with negative images. TV programs that we watch for relaxation are often crime or medical dramas, the news is laden with the negative rather than the positive, newspapers frequently spotlight the worst of the worst rather than the best of the best on their front pages. Even video games that our youth play are laden with crime….car jackings, gun fights, fist fights, and even sex and/or hookers can appear in these games. What kind of message is this sending? What kind of an impact is all this negative focus having on not only adults, but more importantly on children and teens?
Image and Quote found online Author unknown
Take a look at another quote I found online. This image, even without the quote, portrays sadness. The little boy wearing miss-matched clothing, walks away with his head bowed.
The visual impact is an overall feeling of desolation. The quote “Sometimes it’s better to be alone nobody can hurt you” confirms what the photo says. You wonder what happened to this little boy that he is feeling so desperate and alone. Is there abuse in the home? Is he being bullied at school? Is he lacking in friends?
The viewer’s mood is impacted by this image in a caring, sympathetic way, but the image also has a tendency to give a feeling of depression to the viewer.
Image and Quote found online Author unknown
We are a visual society. We are a society impacted by a lot of negativity in our lives. The way each person approaches life and the way they conduct themselves when dealing with others has a large impact not only on their own life, but also on that of others. It is easy to be nice, happy and courteous to a buggy eyed, smiling frog. Keep in mind that the difficult adult or child you encounter may inside be that little boy, dealing with demons you are unaware of and can not even begin to imagine. Regardless of who you are dealing with, try to be that kind, smiling frog in any situation. Be kind and courteous and maybe you can turn their attitude around in the process.
As we celebrate Thanksgiving the minds of many is already on what has to be done in preparation for Christmas…the shopping, baking, decorating, and the traditional Christmas card mailing.
I have noticed over the years that the number of cards received has dropped tremendously. Is it because people are too busy to bother? Is it because people think an email “Happy Holidays” is as good as a traditional snail mail greeting? Is it because the price of Christmas cards has become so outrageous, and then once bought and prepared the postage still has to be purchased?
It could be any or all of those reasons, but I tend to believe the cost of cards has had a huge impact on the traditional sending of the card. The last time I purchased cards, which was several years ago, it was over fifty dollars just for the cards. I had always sent the traditional card with a newsletter on our happenings for the past year typed and included, and usually a bit of a handwritten personal note on the card as well. Then life happenings put me in a position to change all that.
In 2010 I did not get my traditional cards bought and the holiday crept up on me. Still I did not want to miss the traditional sending of the holiday greetings, so I did it with a twist. I used my Publisher program to make a Christmas Greetings newsletter. I set it up to read like a newspaper with various topics and column headings and included a few pictures of the family as well. A separate column was set up where I wrote about each of my adult children and my grandchildren. Other topics might have been travel, house remodeling/upgrades, and other such items. I then mailed the newsletter, with no card, in regular #10 envelopes. I folded them so that the “Christmas Greetings” header was visible when it was pulled from the envelope to give it a bit of holiday feel.
My newsletter was well received. People enjoyed getting lots of news on the family. I also heard that the newsletter format was liked because it was a rather long letter, but they were able to pick up and read various columns and then sit it down and finish later without loosing where they had been. I have not purchased any Christmas cards since then. Every year I continue to do the Christmas newsletter. It is printed back-to-back, which cuts down on paper. Some years it is one sheet (2 pages), other years it has been 2 sheets (4 pages).
What has happened over the years since I started this? Last year I received three “letters only” Christmas greetings. So far I am the only one using newspaper format, the others were written in the traditional letter style, but they were full of information and happenings from throughout the year. I enjoy receiving Christmas newsletters. It is nice to hear about what people you are away from are doing, and it is more personal than a standard card. It shows you took time, put effort into the greeting, even if it is a letter that has been printed and photo copied. It still took a bit of time to compose that newsletter.
As we enter the holiday frenzy I challenge you to do tradition with a twist. If you have already purchased your Christmas cards, then enclose a short newsletter about the past year inside each. If you have not purchased cards, consider composing a Christmas Greetings newsletter and mail those out to family and friends instead. You may find, as I did, that in a couple years you start getting those in return as well. Tradition with a Twist!
The thought below struck me as being important when I first saw it as it carries a lot of meaning. So many people spend time making big issues out of small things. Way too much time is spent stressed over things that a few months from now won’t even matter.
We have 86,400 seconds per day to spend either happy and positive or negative and stressed. So often people who are having a bad day take it out on those around them, and in the process ruin the other person’s day as well.
We all have those occasional days where one thing goes wrong, then something else goes wrong, and before you know it you have had an entire day of things going wrong. Have you ever considered your attitude when this is happening? Do you laugh it off and keep going or do you get frustrated, stressed out, angry, and rude?
Taking control of your attitude in moments of stress has a huge impact on your own personal happiness. Don’t allow the behavior of others to impact your mood; and more importantly don’t let your behavior have a negative impact on others.
One prime example is in this era of social media is people who feel the need to post their personal arguments for public scrutiny. What is this accomplishing? Sympathy from others who are not involved? Quite often I will read posts and wonder why someone felt the need to post something. Have they considered the emotional harm to the person they are complaining about, who is most likely a friend, spouse, or other family member? Have they forgotten that once on public media it is never lost and can re-surface at any time? When posting on social media give consideration to the positive v. negative impact your posting may have, especially on those who you are closest to, those who deserve your love and protection, not public criticism.
As you go through your week remember that when life gives you a bowl of pits instead of cherries, when your parade gets rained on, or when a hurricane blows through you life, to keep a positive attitude and laugh at the blunders. Search for the positive in the negative and move on. Chances are 12 months from now you won’t remember it happened. Don’t sweat the small stuff, live is bigger than that.
I was grocery shopping recently and had a craving for a childhood snack — graham crackers with frosting on them. I purchased the box of crackers and grabbed what I thought was standard chocolate frosting. Imagine my delight when I popped open that little container and discovered chocolate mint — double yum!
That got me to thinking about some of the simple things from my childhood that kids today don’t have the opportunity to experience. Back when I was a child life was more simple. Summer was spent playing outside. There weren’t any arranged play-dates set up by parents, we weren’t in day care centers, and our parents did not have us participating in scheduled activities.
We got up in the morning and walked or rode our bike to a friend’s house, rang the doorbell and asked if they could come out and play. When was the last time a child did that? Today’s children probably wouldn’t know how. We didn’t have video games, cell phones, ipads, or any of the other technology that kids today rely on. So what did we do with our time? We had fun!
A field behind the house could be trampled down into “rooms” in which we could roll out our baby carriages and play house. We would lay on our backs and look at the clouds, making determinations on what they looked like. We played Ring-Around-The-Rosie, Duck-Duck-Goose, Mother May I, Red Rover Red Rover, Tag, Kick-the-Can, and hide-and-go-seek.
We only had three TV channels, and cartoons were a Saturday morning specialty. Every kid sat in front of the TV watching their favorites. Between Saturdays we had our comic books to read. My girlfriend and I would put our comic books into the saddle baskets of our bikes, then read our comic books as we rode our bikes down the street no-handed….and we weren’t even wearing helmets!
We would sit on the porch playing jacks. At one time I was able to handle pick-ups of 20 jacks at a time. We played a lot. Do kids play jacks anymore? Are they even available to purchase? Ours were tiny metal jacks with a small red ball. What about hula hoops and pogo sticks? With a swing of the hips your hula hoop could be forced up to the neck or down to the knees and back to the waste. Regular jump rope, Chinese jump rope, and hop scotch kept us busy.
I lived in a small town. We would ride our bikes downtown and go to the library and the dime store. I did a lot of reading. Nancy Drew was my favorite, and so was Alfred Hitchcock and Agatha Christie as I got older. We bought pop in glass bottles out of a vending machine. Everyone chewed Bazooka bubble gum, and we all loved the little tiny comics that came inside. Gum wrappers were used to make chains…what we did with those chains I don’t remember.
We looked for 4-leaf clovers. Flower petals were pulled off one-by-one saying “he loves me, he loves me not.” Dandelions were held under the chin to see if your chin shone yellow, but I don’t remember why. If we found a dandelion gone to seed, a “wisher,” we were thrilled….but our father wasn’t if he saw us blowing those seeds out into the lawn.
Back then most people did not have air conditioning. Windows were open, fans were used. One strong childhood summer memory does not involve me but my father. He would mow the lawn and then afterward watch the ball game on TV. One of my favorite scents and sounds of summer is the combination of fresh mowed grass and a baseball ball game on the TV or radio.
What are some of your childhood memories? No matter how old or young you are, if you are an adult I am sure things have changed since your childhood. Do you have childhood cravings? Do you wish your children and/or grandchildren could experience life as it once was, not as it is now?
I recently had a friend in a long-standing marriage comment that they wouldn’t mind living alone. I was surprised. Their comment had to do with everyone needing space, time alone. Residing on your own provides that.
When my husband passed away in December 2015 I was thrown into living on my own for the first time in my life. I went from living with my parents to living with my husband, and we were married 34 years. I don’t mind living alone. There are benefits. My friend’s comment got me thinking, do I like living alone or have I adjusted out of necessity?
When you are married or involved in a co-habitation relationship patterns develop as to who does what. One person pays the bills, another handles correspondence. One mows the lawn and snow blows, the other cleans the bathrooms and vacuums. Cooking involves making foods that both people like and predominately follows the preference of the person cooking. Decorating incorporates the likes and dislikes of both people. Each person tolerates things they don’t particularly care for out of consideration for the other. It is a cooperative living arrangement that also provides companionship and support.
When residing on your own there isn’t anyone there to help carry the load. You must figure out how to juggle it all on your own. When like me it is suddenly dropped in your lap it has a definite learning curve. Sometimes things don’t get done in the time frame you would like. The benefit is that there is no one is there to interfere with what you want or the schedule you keep.
I can eat dinner when I want, whether it is 6:30 pm, 9:30 pm, or anywhere between. I can cook what I want the way I want. I only have to consider my own palate and my own schedule. If I don’t want the TV on, it isn’t. If I want the radio blasting at 2:00 am while I clean house, it is. There is no noise, no one talking as I read my book with my meals. Pictures on the walls, knickknacks set out, and the arrangement of furniture can all be changed to the way I prefer. This is a slow, gradual process. The house is slowly becoming more “me.” I have made subtle changes that most people probably wouldn’t even notice. I’m sure they will become more prominent over time.
So that brings me back to my friend’s comment. Do I like living alone? Yes and no. I think living alone has been a good experience for me. I have learned to do things I never did in the past. The basics of life always handled by my husband such as taking a car in for maintenance, handling the banking, trading in my vehicle for a new one, applying for a mortgage modification, meeting with a financial advisor, paying bills, gathering information for yearly taxes, mowing and trimming the lawn, etc. now must be worked into my schedule.
My husband, Ron, handled a lot. I’ve never even painted a wall or put windshield washer fluid into a vehicle. He handled it all. Ironically Ron taught our son and daughter to do house maintenance, yard maintenance, how to use the generator, power washer, electric drills, shop tools, and how to hook up the trailer and pull it. He just never taught me. Those were things he took care of and there was no need for me to know how. Ron took care of me. That is what he felt his position was and I accepted it for thirty-four years. Good or bad it is what it is. Now I move forward.
I think living on my own and learning new things has boosted my self-confidence. I have to handle things and if I don’t know how I make inquiries to find someone that does. I have dealt with a plumber, a heating and cooling person, camera repair, computer support, and resolved issues with a hot tub repair. I have ventured into the unknown and survived.
I also think living on my own has been good from an emotional standpoint. Ron and I were very wrapped up in each other’s lives. We were happiest when it was just the two of us and we spent probably 90 to 95% of our free time together throughout our entire marriage. We attended festivals, events, shopped, did photography, traveled, ate meals, watched TV, and so on together. We had a few things we each did on our own, but the majority was together.
The reality is most couples are not as completely consumed in each others lives as we were. They spend more time doing things on their own and socializing with others. Living alone has allowed me to adjust to doing things on my own. I am still learning how to involve others in my plans so I am not always a solo act.
I think this adjustment period is important. If at some time in the future I become involved in a relationship in which the decision is made to reside together I will be better prepared for the reality that most couples do not spend the majority of their free time wrapped up in each other’s life. It will most likely not be such an all encompassing relationship as I had in my marriage. I will also know that I am making that decision because it is a person I want to spend time with, not because I am lonely and/or trying to recreate what I had in my past.
So now we are back to where we started. Do I like living alone? Yes and no. It has been and will continue to be a growing experience. I have adjusted. I am comfortable and would consider myself happy on a day-to-day basis. I don’t desire it in the long term. I hope that in my future I find someone who is interested in residing together and enjoying the benefits of daily companionship. In the meantime I will make the most of living alone and enjoy it.
It is easy to get wrapped up in the mundane routine of everyday life. You get up, have breakfast, check your email, pack your lunch, drive to work, drive back home, and so on. Your habits are routine, your interactions with others are routine. It is all the same.
Don’t let monotony drag you down. Even when each day is a repeat of the prior one, you can bring some variety into your life, or into the life of others. By doing one, you create the other. The end result is you will both probably benefit from the interactions.
Now if you are wondering what can you do to create surprise in someone else’s life, think about what things you find to be a pleasant surprise. Moments you cherish. It can be anything big or small. It is something that creates a moment of pleasure, of surprise, it makes you smile and brightens your day. At the same time, if you tend to overlook those moments when they happen to you, learn to cherish them. What am I talking about? Easy.
A phone call from someone when you least expect it, an impromptu opportunity to get together with a friend, finding a $5 bill in your coat pocket, an unexpected opportunity to travel, a handwritten letter in the mail, when a child brings you a bouquet of dandelions, a wild animal standing near the roadway, spotting a rainbow, and the list goes on. There are no set rules, whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you smile, that is your surprise.
To cherish the surprises, you need to be alert to the small things in life that we often overlook. Be more attentive. Enjoy life and cherish surprises.
It is a difficult dilemma, deciding how you want to handle a friendship that has times that are good and times that are frustrating. This was a difficult situation, one which I contemplated over for literally months. I hope the end result has a positive outcome. The ultimate deciding factor was based on two areas that came into play….the friend’s emotional needs and my emotional needs.
This friendship is long-term. We were very close for eight years, then completely out of contact for twenty-nine years. In 2009 we connected on Facebook, doing the occasional Instant-Messenger chat, commenting on each other’s posts from time-to-time. Nothing major. Just casual contact. That all changed in 2015.
In 2015 I was making regular trips back to my hometown to work on cleaning out my parent’s home. My friend suggested we go out to dinner, and after about three months I finally agreed. It was like deja vu.
He picked me up at my parent’s home, which had the same furniture it did when he last set foot in it back in 1980. We had a great time chatting about his marriage and kids, my husband’s battle with cancer and my kids. We talked about our siblings and parents. A connection that went way back. It was a wonderful evening and after dinner we went back to the house, I invited him in and we continued to talk for a couple more hours before he went home.
It was a connection we were glad was re-established. Throughout that summer I was making frequent trips into town hand he would on occasion stop by and visit for a couple hours. It was a nice friendship, familiar, comfortable, but different. We also maintained contact with conversations on Instant Messenger and an occasional telephone call.
We both realized that there was still an attraction there. However we were both married and did not step outside of the boundaries of respective marriages. Then the playing field changed. My husband lost his battle with cancer. We maintained the messenger and telephone contact for about three months, and then it tapered off. He stopped responding to emails or instant messages for extended periods of time.
I found this frustrating as he suffers from depression and I would wonder how he was doing. Then suddenly I would receive an email or message. There were always reasons for his disappearance…busy, kids, grandchildren, sickness, depression…but were they reasons, or excuses? In my opinion there is a fine line between the two, and I wasn’t quite sure on which side it fell. Things would improve for a bit but eventually would fall back into the old pattern.
After a while I decided I wasn’t going to continue to pursue a one-sided friendship in which I always initiated the contact. Instead I would wait and see what happened, and each time I did that I would ultimately receive a message from him usually by email. He would apologize for his lack of contact and say he had been busy, sick, depressed, whatever, always wanting to preserve the friendship. And so the cycle went. This became a roller coaster ride that was irritating. I didn’t like the feeling that I was making the effort and he was responding when it suited him. I want the friendship, but not on those terms.
March 30th of this year rolled around and I received another email. This one got down to the emotional nitty-gritty, it was honest. The best one I’ve received because it got to the core of the situation. He wants to remain friends, but the line is grey for him right now. There are a lot of factors I am aware of but am not going to elaborate on. Let’s just say that email put everything into perspective. He is trying to get his mind straight and I have to be removed from the picture for now. I’m good with that. He closed with “Hopefully your friend.”
So what did I do? I responded. I don’t know if my response helped or hurt him in his situation, but it helped me in mine. I was honest. I told him we are still friends but that I find the friendship frustrating, that a person’s interest in maintaining a friendship is related to their response or lack thereof. I pointed out that they say ex-lovers can be friends for one of two reasons: either they were never in love or they still are. That is the grey area. I have accepted my grey area and can live with it. A ghost from the past is not the reality of the present. We are both different people than we were in 1980.
Then I tossed the ball in his court. I can handle the give-and-take of being friends, but it is his decision on whether to respond and maintain the friendship. If he decides to respond great. If not I move on and don’t worry about it. This decision was based on my emotional needs, not his, but it also supports his need for distance at this time.
So now I wait. We are still connected on Facebook. He has “liked” a couple of my posts; I have “liked” a couple of his. Do I hope he contacts me at some point in the future? Absolutely. I will always be his friend, that is a given. He is intelligent, funny, challenges the brain. We have a past, a comfort level of true friends, a connection that can not be replaced.
I hope that right now we are just taking a break and that eventually the friendship is re-established on a more personal level. However I will not allow my emotions to feel trampled by the friendship. That is also a given and I have made that clear to him through my actions.
And that, my friends, is how you deal with a frustrating friendship.
The other night as I lay in bed for hours unable to fall asleep, my mind began circling and the result is the topic of this blog. The power of touch is necessary to the well-being of the human soul, it can bring comfort, love, relaxation, excitement, security and more.
When a child is born touch brings it comfort. You hold it, rock it, feed it. You do those things when it is happy, you do those things when it is stressed. The baby learns love thought the power of touch. To an adult, there is nothing as unique and cozy as a small infant cuddled up against your neck sleeping.
As the infant grows into a toddler and young child touch makes them feel safe, secure, and loved. They cuddle in your lap, hold your hand when walking in public places, hug you when you are leaving or have arrived, climb into your bed when they awaken at night. The power of touch is important to the child’s emotional well-being and growth.
As the child becomes a teen their desire for touch moves away from the parents and more toward members of the opposite sex in their own age group. Teens are often seen showing public displays of affection — hand holding, kissing, hugging, and more as hormones rage. Touch is powerful.
As teens become adults outward public displays of affection calm down, but the need for them does not. It just becomes more mature, more private. Human touch provides a sense of security, love, and connection, especially when shared with a spouse or significant other.
Years ago I read that if you are having trouble sleeping you should touch your spouse or significant other. Something as simple as placing a hand against their body will help you relax and fall asleep. I found that it worked beautifully. Although my husband and I quite often slept wrapped up around each other, he would normally be asleep before I was in bed. If I was having trouble falling asleep I would reach out and put my hand on him and usually within a few minutes I was able to doze off. If he sensed me coming into bed he would roll over and cuddle up with me. If one of us was sick the other would wrap up around the sick one, bringing body warmth and comfort. Human touch heals and relaxes.
That is why I was writing this post in my head as I lay in bed awake a few nights ago. My husband passed away fifteen months ago. I couldn’t sleep and I was laying in a lonely bed. I missed having someone there to cuddle up to, to touch, to help me relax so I could doze off.
It is important as time passes on and things in your life change that you remember to fulfill those things that are necessary to your physical and emotional well-being. The power of human touch is important. If it has disappeared from your life revitalize it through whatever means you deem appropriate. The power of touch heals, empowers, and fulfills the emotional and physical needs to provide an overall sense of well-being.
When I was starting this blog I struggled with a theme. Most people stick to one particular topic in their blogs, but I like to write about a variety of things because I am involved in a wide range of things in my daily life. That is when it hit me, my life is a melting pot of activities and that would be the topic and theme of my blog. LIFE IS A MELTING POT covers anything and everything. My activities as a photographer, our families involvement with CPS/DHS, travel, genealogy, family events, work, or any other topic that I feel is worthy of comment. I hope you enjoy the blog, comment often, and become a follower/subscriber.
I have spent weekend after weekend at home, sorting through all my current items and those in boxes, preparing for my estate sale. Today I took some “me” time and attended the #RochesterWriters Spring Conference. I enjoyed a day of informative keynote speakers and instructors, plus socializing with other writers. It was time well spent, combining instruction in self-publishing with networking. There is something about spending a day with other writers that inspires one to write. Even though you haven’t seen me here in quite a while due to everything going on in my personal life, I find myself here tonight writing a quick blog, just to say hi and let you know I am still alive and kicking.
Today I participated in two holiday traditions, a Christmas gathering for the Blue Water Shutterbugs Camera Club and the writing of my annual Christmas letter, which I do in lieu of a card. The writing of Christmas greetings and handling out of Christmas gifts are two areas where I recently learned the history of the tradition.
I had the pleasure of attending my 40th High School Class Reunion in Eaton Rapids, Michigan this weekend. The coordinators did a fabulous job of pulling the weekend together with a variety of activities to keep people on the move. This was especially nice for those of us traveling in from out of town, especially those traveling from out-of-state.
Time passes so quickly. How is it we have already been out of school forty years? Many thanks to classmates Julie and Jane Brenke, and their sister Jill, for organizing the reunion as well as several others who stepped in and assisted them.
Sunday morning I did a few household chores and worked on my computer. I had to prepare an Agenda for a meeting and email it out, preview a CD for a meeting later this week to make sure it ran on the laptop okay, plus a few other minor projects. I then headed out the door for a 2:00 pm lunch event with the St. Clair County Eagle Watcher’s, a photography group I belong to. This year’s event included a showing of five birds of prey. Camera’s were clicking as each bird was displayed and talked about. By 4:30 I was on the road and headed to purchase groceries.
In looking at my investments I also took a good look at my living expenses v. income and realized that while I am making my bills with the assistance of my husband’s life insurance, I can not really consider that “living in the green.” Let’s face it, the life insurance savings won’t last forever, and living month-to-month is not the way I want to spend my retirement. I also realized that I can not retire and continue to live where I am at. The decision, I need to downsize. Now there is a lot of stuff in this house that I must sort, decide what to keep, what to toss, and what to sell. That will take some time. I would like to be out in six months, a year is more realistic, and it may take beyond that. However the longer it takes the more money I am spending on this house that I could be saving or using for more fun things.
We would sit on the porch playing jacks. At one time I was able to handle pick-ups of 20 jacks at a time. We played a lot. Do kids play jacks anymore? Are they even available to purchase? Ours were tiny metal jacks with a small red ball. What about hula hoops and pogo sticks? With a swing of the hips your hula hoop could be forced up to the neck or down to the knees and back to the waste. Regular jump rope, Chinese jump rope, and hop scotch kept us busy.
Back then most people did not have air conditioning. Windows were open, fans were used. One strong childhood summer memory does not involve me but my father. He would mow the lawn and then afterward watch the ball game on TV. One of my favorite scents and sounds of summer is the combination of fresh mowed grass and a baseball ball game on the TV or radio.
The reality is most couples are not as completely consumed in each others lives as we were. They spend more time doing things on their own and socializing with others. Living alone has allowed me to adjust to doing things on my own. I am still learning how to involve others in my plans so I am not always a solo act.
I found this frustrating as he suffers from depression and I would wonder how he was doing. Then suddenly I would receive an email or message. There were always reasons for his disappearance…busy, kids, grandchildren, sickness, depression…but were they reasons, or excuses? In my opinion there is a fine line between the two, and I wasn’t quite sure on which side it fell. Things would improve for a bit but eventually would fall back into the old pattern.
When a child is born touch brings it comfort. You hold it, rock it, feed it. You do those things when it is happy, you do those things when it is stressed. The baby learns love thought the power of touch. To an adult, there is nothing as unique and cozy as a small infant cuddled up against your neck sleeping.
That is why I was writing this post in my head as I lay in bed awake a few nights ago. My husband passed away fifteen months ago. I couldn’t sleep and I was laying in a lonely bed. I missed having someone there to cuddle up to, to touch, to help me relax so I could doze off.
--- LIFE IS A MELTING POT --- Grace Grogan...Writer, Photographer 