Burst or Blossom, that wonderful set of emotions that takes us through difficult times and decisions. An emotional roller coaster. You may handle those hills and valleys okay, but you probably won’t want to get on again.
That is what this past few days has felt like to me. It started Thursday and Friday when my daughter, Caroline, came over to take apart and move a few things in preparation for our yard sale. She disassembled a baby bed, moved a book case, then took apart and moved a computer. Everything was moved into a spare bedroom and by the time she left that room was packed.
On Friday while I was at work my Caroline and her boyfriend, Rob, came over and moved one computer desk out of an upstairs bedroom and put it out for the yard sale and moved a different one I had into the room. Then later Caroline came back and we worked on setting things out for the sale and tarped them to sit overnight.
During the weekend I finally made the plunge and started cleaning my deceased husband’s clothes out of our closet. I only did the jeans so far, but now that I have started I will finish. The man had 40 pair of jeans! His clothes should be put to good use, so if they don’t sell in lots locally I will donate them.
Sorting through a small portion of the items Ron had purchased or found in scrapping, at garage sales and estate sales I made a few discoveries, items that were “keepers” such as a nice pot for an indoor plant and a really neat looking nightlight/mini lamp that is now in my bedroom.
In the process of prepping for the yard sale I made some changes to the decor, and have plans for further changes. Slowly changing the house and removing things Ron liked that I didn’t care for. Making it more mine rather than ours. It is a slow process, and the changes are only minor, but after nine months I am finally ready to make them.
Labor Day weekend arrived and was beautiful weather for a 3-day yard sale. The amount of items my husband had obtained through scrap, garage sale and estate sales was massive. There is still more we haven’t even touched. When the sale was done there were some things we saved for another sale next year, some items we threw out, and some that we sent to a charity.
So, on my roller coaster ride of emotions from once again tearing up my house and eliminating possessions of Ron’s I have a choice – I can burst from all the frustration or blossom under the change and strength I gain from moving forward. Regardless of what I am thinking, I prefer to do the later. And so I forge ahead in the sorting and changing of my home.
Now on the other side of the coin, we all know people we have made the effort to maintain contact with and yet the responses are not forthcoming or we get excuses of “I was going to write/call/respond but have been busy.” I can understand that from time to time, but when the lack of response become repetitive you have to wonder where you fall on their list of friendship priorities. Somewhere you have to draw the line and decide you are moving on and if they want to be a part of your life they will notice your disappearance and seek you out. If they don’t you haven’t lost anything. 
I have applied and received a mortgage modification, learned to pay bills, met with our financial advisor, gathered tax information for our CPA, handled an IRS audit, closed our joint account and opened my own account for handling of stocks. I have contacted numerous accounts and had things such as cell phone, internet, cable, vehicle insurance, utilities, and vehicle loans changed into my name. I have handled contacting service people such as a plumber for a leaky toilet, car maintenance, and the hot tub store for an uncompleted repair that began when Ron was alive. I will be calling to have someone out to repair my air conditioning that stopped working. I have learned to run the riding lawnmower, how to put gas into it and how to use a jumper box to jump it if necessary. I discovered our weed wacker was too heavy and difficult for me to start and operate, so I selected and ordered one that was more suited to my abilities. I have listed property and vehicles for sale. I have made decisions on how to juggle money and make payments on time. I have grown throughout this process.
Have we really done those children a favor? I don’t believe so. If a child never learns that sometimes life isn’t fair, that sometimes you win and sometimes you loose and that is okay, how can they learn to cope with the realities of life when they become an adult. They don’t. I think that is why we have so much violence, so many underachievers. They never learned to push for the top. It has been handed to them every step of the way.
Anyone who has spent time with young children will agree. They are energetic, exhausting, non-stop movement, and most of all entertaining. They will fill your world with knowledge you didn’t know was out there and if nothing else will bring a smile to your face. In my case this week it was two of my grandchildren that filled the bill.
After they were dropped off Corbin immediately informed me that he brought Sissy with him so he would have someone to play with. I guess “play with” is objectionable as he seemed to spend an equal amount of time complaining about her, and i don’t think he ever played with her. Alexandria did tear apart the train track, steal the train signs, steel hot wheels cars, drink all of Corbin’s water, and more.
For the most part Corbin takes it all in stride. After all, he knows how she came to be in his life. You see Alexandria was growing in mommy’s tummy and a doctor had to cut her out because it wasn’t good. When mommy ate Sissy took all the food. Now I must say that is pretty good logic coming from the mind of a five year old. Besides, I’m sure there are a lot of pregnant women out there who feel like the baby is taking all their food when they eat.
As I mentioned, Alexandria tore apart the railroad track and Corbin wasn’t able to get it back together. That was never my area of expertise, my husband Ron always handled it, but since he passed in December it is one of those duties that now falls to me. I worked my way behind the table to the spot where three pieces of track were separated. As I was working I kept hearing a dinging noise, until Corbin said “you’re pushing on the RR Crossing sign.” I wondered where the sound was coming from!
And so our morning went, flying by quickly as it goes. I did take a look at Corbin’s hands and told him he needed to go wash them. Corbin’s response “No, maybe on Thursday.” When I told him they needed to be clean for school Corbin responded that he isn’t going to school, he has to stay with me for forty-five days. Yep, that was his plan and he never even told me. Isn’t it nice to know there is a plan in place should the need arrive?
But what is happiness? Happiness is created when a person has a deep sense of meaning and purpose in life. A persons satisfaction with their life, how they feel on a day-to-day basis affects their ability to feel happy. It is difficult for someone who does not struggle with the overall feeling of happiness to understand how others can lack a feeling of contentment that comes with being happy.
--- LIFE IS A MELTING POT --- Grace Grogan...Writer, Photographer 