We all plan out our lives, whether it is the routine we use at work, getting the kids to bed and then up again for school, or what we will do on vacation, we all have a plan. What happens when that plan doesn’t work, or something happens that means those plans need to be changed? Do you get stressed or just “go with the flow?”
There are times when no matter how well you have activities planned, something will happen that throws a wrench into the pot — it can be job loss, car problems, an accident, a fire, natural disaster, or someone made a mistake.
In dealing with problems I have noticed there are those who get stressed, angered, frustrated, and do not cope well. There are others that may feel frustrated but seem to be more flexible, adapt where necessary, and continue on without experiencing much stress.
Why is it people are so diverse on how they cope with problems that arise in their life? Is it learned from when they were children observing their parents? Is it their natural personality? Is it something that happened in their lifetime that impacted their manner of handling stress?
In my opinion, it is all of these combined together to create a personality and coping ability that is unique to each person. A person’s everyday lifestyle, economic level, personal experiences, and childhood combine together and impact how each person will handle different challenges as they occur. The same challenge may be handled with ease by one person, but create immense stress in another. There is no right or wrong, it simply is.
A person who has always lived a financially strong life will likely find it difficult to handle a sudden loss of income that leaves them unable to purchase everything they need, much less want but don’t need. A person who grew up in a low income family or has spent the majority of their adult life with financial struggles would also find loss of income difficult, but they are more prepared mentally and emotionally to handle dealing with meager funds.
Someone who grew up in an environment where every minor problem was over-exaggerated into a major catastrophe will likely not have the coping mechanisms of someone who grew up in an “accidents will happen” and “life goes on” mindset. The first would teach you to always be on edge and the person will likely “fly off the handle” at bumps in the road, while the second is more likely roll with whatever life throws at them. While there is not a right or wrong personality, it is likely that the person with better coping mechanisms will have a less stressful life.
What about someone who has encountered war, been in a horrible accident, experienced death of a loved one, or been assaulted? There are uncountable incidents that could happen to a person which may have a profound effect on their way of thinking, what they fear, what angers them and how they react to various events. Those lifetime encounters impact their way of thinking, how they plan their life and how flexible they are.
Whatever your personality type and how well you cope with upsets to your daily or lifetime plans, keep in mind that the more flexible you are, the happier you will likely be. Stress is normal in life, and there will be times when the best laid plans are disrupted. Allowing those disruptions to create undue stress can make you more irritable and does nothing to resolve the problem. Stay calm, focus on the solution, and make adjustments where needed. Remember, flexibility does not always, but can, result in something better than you originally planned.
Boy, does this sound like a major pity-party or what! The fact of it is, I am alone. I have to figure out how to juggle the yard work and get it done. I have to eat alone, plan my own weekends, get out and be active by myself. When I’m sick and have chills, that’s the way it goes. I’m alone and I have to deal with it. That is life. That is reality. Pity-Party over.
If you have been a reader for a while you know that my husband, Ron, passed away December 7, 2015 and since that time I have been adjusting to living on my own. In reflecting on myself now, plans for the future and introspection of the past I have learned a few things.
Although I never paid attention to our finances and had no interest in knowing about them, I am perfectly capable of paying bills, applying for mortgage modifications, listing property for sale, and making decisions on financial assets. I’m not blindly doing what Ron told me to do as he was dying. I’m evaluating my own circumstances and making a decision that I feel comfortable with. My goal for the future is to learn how the stock market and investments work, to understand how to diversify and what everything means so I can make informed choices. Hopefully I will get a grasp on this within the next decade. I’m really walking in uncharted territory here.
What I have discovered is that it wasn’t the cooking I disliked, it was that Ron always had a criticism of some sort and tended to hover, questioning why I did things the way I did, telling me I should do things differently than I did. Nothing was ever quite good enough, there was always a “why didn’t you…” Basically, he thought I should cook just like him. After a while I tired of the negativity and simply walked away and left it to him. He cooked, I cleaned up, and it worked.
landing me in a trauma center for seventeen days, rehab for two months, and then a year of physical therapy and medical follow ups after that. Two of my granddaughters were taken by Child Protective Services and put into foster care. My husband and I applied to foster them and were denied, we later applied to adopt them and again CPS fought us and we lost. Both girls have been adopted by strangers.
I look at the list of things I have handled in the past few years and in my opinion have coped well with everything life has thrown at me. I have often felt that I have strong coping mechanisms but don’t really know why. I am baffled when people have one issue on their plate and are falling apart at the seams. I delved into the article hoping to discover what it is that makes one person successfully juggle a plethora of issues while another crumbles under the slightest amount of pressure.
downs of life and have difficulty coping you may want to read 
I was reading Michelle’s post on Facebook yesterday. Many notes of sympathy and prayers. They know her, they know her husband Charlie, they know what a great couple and wonderful marriage they had. I, on the other hand, have not seen Michelle personally in years. We were together as children, but not as adults. We are in contact only by Facebook now. However, I can truly feel her pain.
But what is happiness? Happiness is created when a person has a deep sense of meaning and purpose in life. A persons satisfaction with their life, how they feel on a day-to-day basis affects their ability to feel happy. It is difficult for someone who does not struggle with the overall feeling of happiness to understand how others can lack a feeling of contentment that comes with being happy.
--- LIFE IS A MELTING POT --- Grace Grogan...Writer, Photographer 