This came as a surprise. For the most part this is not something I experience. I have adjusted to living on my own and consider myself happy in my current lifestyle. I don’t know if it was the depression of days upon days of gloomy skies and rain, being overly tired from a month that was exceptionally busy and had me feeling overwhelmed, or the fact that I came down with a horrendous head-cold. Whatever it was, from out of the shadows loneliness attacked.
In reflecting back I think it was a huge melting pot of all those various factors. It was rainy, wet, gloomy and cold. Not my kind of weather at all. Too many days of drizzly skies compounded the fact that my lawn was getting way too long and between the rain, a trip out of town for a memorial service, and my mower being buried in a shed where it was difficult for me to access, I was frustrated with not being able to get the lawn done. Then the neighbor mowed his lawn and it made mine look just that much worse. I don’t like having bad “curb appeal,” but I had and still have a negative “curb appeal” going.
I have been attending physical therapy three times a week, buried at work, and between the two have been more tired than normal. I have crashed on the couch quite often in the evenings instead of getting things done. That added to my frustration as my “to-do” list is impossible to complete and lack of energy aggravated me further.
Suddenly I came down with a massive head cold. I couldn’t breath, my nose was runny, and I had the chills. As I lay in my bed shivering the loneliness enveloped me. For thirty-four years whenever I was sick and had the chills Ron would wrap himself around me and the combination of body heat and human touch would help me to relax and go to sleep. Now he is gone and I was alone and couldn’t sleep. That is when it hit.
Ron always handled the yard work and now it is mine to do. I’m frustrated over not having it done the way I want it. Landscaping Ron was going to tear out and re-do didn’t get done and it needs to be changed. The grass isn’t mowed and trimmed the way it should be. There are things left in the drive, yard and garage from Ron’s scrapping days that I simply want gone. It has me feeling overwhelmed, angry with myself for not being as fast and efficient at getting it done as he was. Irritated at the mess I have to deal with.
Weekends were almost always spent together. Ron and I would get up, have breakfast together and the conversation was always “What are we going to do today?” Festivals, special events, arts and craft shows, or just going somewhere to shoot pictures. Photography was a constant part of our lives. Now I lack motivation. My weekends are just me. No one to have breakfast with, plan my day with, or go places with. Just me doing whatever I want, alone. On the weekends when I do get out of the house and go somewhere I feel much better, but self-motivation is difficult.
Boy, does this sound like a major pity-party or what! The fact of it is, I am alone. I have to figure out how to juggle the yard work and get it done. I have to eat alone, plan my own weekends, get out and be active by myself. When I’m sick and have chills, that’s the way it goes. I’m alone and I have to deal with it. That is life. That is reality. Pity-Party over.
So am I lonely or was I just having a moment? Probably a combination of both. I don’t feel loneliness on a day-to-day basis. I have enjoyed adjusting to life on my own. If someone asked I would tell them I am happy with my life and it would be true. Will I continue to have moments when loneliness hits me? Most likely. Do I want to spend the rest of my life alone? Not really. I would prefer to someday find someone who has similar interests and with whom I can share my days and a home with. Until that time arrives I shall continue as I am and I shall be happy, because happy is the best way to be.
When a child is born touch brings it comfort. You hold it, rock it, feed it. You do those things when it is happy, you do those things when it is stressed. The baby learns love thought the power of touch. To an adult, there is nothing as unique and cozy as a small infant cuddled up against your neck sleeping.
That is why I was writing this post in my head as I lay in bed awake a few nights ago. My husband passed away fifteen months ago. I couldn’t sleep and I was laying in a lonely bed. I missed having someone there to cuddle up to, to touch, to help me relax so I could doze off.
Your own personal attitude has a great impact on how you feel throughout the day and your overall outlook on life. If you feel that life has thrown you the scrungy bone and you must gnaw away at it, you will likely make very little progress and will feel depressed, over burdened and uninspired about life. Not only will your attitude leave you feeling low, but it will be portrayed in your dealings with others, and may leave them feeling oppressed by emotions as well.
struggling economically with consideration, kindness, and as an equal. This is a person of great integrity. They recognize that they have obtained wealth, but they do not fault those around them that have been unable to achieve that goal.
way you are right.” That is how strongly attitude affects your ability to succeed in whatever you set out to accomplish.
A couple years ago my husband and I were in a restaurant that was quite busy and we had to wait for our table. I was looking around the restaurant and I mentioned to him that he and I looked very out of place. The reason being we were the only two people in the entire restaurant, both the dining and bar areas, who were not on our phones. We were talking to each other instead! That is sad….people are losing the human connection.
Ahhh you say, isn’t that the same thing as a resolution? Well, sort of, but it is a mind game for motivation. Which do you want to do? Which makes you feel that success is possible? You can only pick one of the following:
If you have been a reader for a while you know that my husband, Ron, passed away December 7, 2015 and since that time I have been adjusting to living on my own. In reflecting on myself now, plans for the future and introspection of the past I have learned a few things.
Although I never paid attention to our finances and had no interest in knowing about them, I am perfectly capable of paying bills, applying for mortgage modifications, listing property for sale, and making decisions on financial assets. I’m not blindly doing what Ron told me to do as he was dying. I’m evaluating my own circumstances and making a decision that I feel comfortable with. My goal for the future is to learn how the stock market and investments work, to understand how to diversify and what everything means so I can make informed choices. Hopefully I will get a grasp on this within the next decade. I’m really walking in uncharted territory here.
What I have discovered is that it wasn’t the cooking I disliked, it was that Ron always had a criticism of some sort and tended to hover, questioning why I did things the way I did, telling me I should do things differently than I did. Nothing was ever quite good enough, there was always a “why didn’t you…” Basically, he thought I should cook just like him. After a while I tired of the negativity and simply walked away and left it to him. He cooked, I cleaned up, and it worked.
landing me in a trauma center for seventeen days, rehab for two months, and then a year of physical therapy and medical follow ups after that. Two of my granddaughters were taken by Child Protective Services and put into foster care. My husband and I applied to foster them and were denied, we later applied to adopt them and again CPS fought us and we lost. Both girls have been adopted by strangers.
I look at the list of things I have handled in the past few years and in my opinion have coped well with everything life has thrown at me. I have often felt that I have strong coping mechanisms but don’t really know why. I am baffled when people have one issue on their plate and are falling apart at the seams. I delved into the article hoping to discover what it is that makes one person successfully juggle a plethora of issues while another crumbles under the slightest amount of pressure.
downs of life and have difficulty coping you may want to read 
Now on the other side of the coin, we all know people we have made the effort to maintain contact with and yet the responses are not forthcoming or we get excuses of “I was going to write/call/respond but have been busy.” I can understand that from time to time, but when the lack of response become repetitive you have to wonder where you fall on their list of friendship priorities. Somewhere you have to draw the line and decide you are moving on and if they want to be a part of your life they will notice your disappearance and seek you out. If they don’t you haven’t lost anything. 
But what is happiness? Happiness is created when a person has a deep sense of meaning and purpose in life. A persons satisfaction with their life, how they feel on a day-to-day basis affects their ability to feel happy. It is difficult for someone who does not struggle with the overall feeling of happiness to understand how others can lack a feeling of contentment that comes with being happy.
--- LIFE IS A MELTING POT --- Grace Grogan...Writer, Photographer 