Imagine six years of life where your movements are controlled, where you have no privacy, where you can make phone calls out but no one can call you, your mail is read prior to you receiving it, where you can never go visit, but must wait for people to visit you. That is the life my son led from the time he was 24 years old until he was 30.
When he received notice in December that he had received parole he began counting down the days. March 20th seemed like it was in the distant future for him. For me it went fast. I was trying to get things done prior to his release, and of course I made the six hour drive to pick him up.
Patrick was released from Newberry Correctional Facility in Michigan’s upper peninsula at 8:00 am March 20, 2018. Although he is on a tether for the first six months of his two year parole, and he must abide by curfews that in the beginning are tight, it is considerably better than the spot he was at. So how did Patrick spend his first day of freedom?
I picked him up at the correctional facility, we loaded his belongings into the car and than took our last two prison photos, a “selfie” of the two of us, and then one of him in front of the facility. Every time I (and my now deceased husband) visited we paid to have photos taken of us together and one of Patrick alone, so this was our last prison photo shoot.
Our first stop was a gas station/McDonald’s combination where he got a McGriddle sandwich — also one of my favorites. When he asked if he could have bacon added to the sandwich the girl responded “you can have whatever you want” and Patrick responded “those are words I’m not used to hearing.”
I had purchased him a cell phone, but phones have advanced considerably in the past six years. He was on the phone talking as we were crossing the Mackinac Bridge and I heard him say that the water looked really cool with the ice on it and “if I wasn’t on the phone talking to you I could take a picture.” He got instructions on how to stay on the phone and take a photo at the same time.
Two years ago my husband/Patrick’s father passed away, and I had obtained permission from the parole agent to make a few stops, Great Lakes National Cemetery in Holly being one, where Patrick saw his father’s grave-site for the first time.
We then headed to Fort Gratiot, he did not have to check in with the parole agent until the next morning, and we had permission to go shopping at Kohls to get him some clothes and then out to dinner. We ended up spending about three hours in Kohls.
Patrick tries on a hat at Kohs
Patrick helped me pick out short outfits for my grandchildren’s Easter baskets, then we shopped for clothing for him. He had changed sizes while incarcerated and had to try on a few things. A pair of tennis shoes, four pair of jeans, a pair of shorts, one shirt (couldn’t find many he liked), some boxers, and socks and we felt he had a nice start. I had already purchased him a nice pair of fleece pants, hoodie, polo, and a v-neck t-shirt prior to picking him up. During our shopping Patrick had to exit the building and stand in an open area of the parking lot so the satellite could take a picture of him/his location. He was told that happens frequently in large department stores or malls if in for a while.
Next stop was Red Lobster. Lobster Fest is going on, and we had the same meal — two different kinds of lobster and green beans with mushrooms, and of course salad and biscuits. The place was quiet, the service was good, the food was fantastic.
Dinner at Red Lobster
We were on our way home when my daughter called and said her boyfriend had the truck torn apart and needed to pick up a hose to complete it, could I swing by, pick him up and take him around the corner to the auto store. I went by her house, dropped off Patrick, picked up Rob and took him to the auto shop, then went back around and dropped off Rob and picked up Patrick and we came home and unloaded the car.
The evening was finished off with Caroline (my daughter) and her three kids coming over for a while, and then Patrick and I watched a bit of TV. It was a wonderful day for me, and I’m sure a great first day of freedom for him as well.
Sunday morning I did a few household chores and worked on my computer. I had to prepare an Agenda for a meeting and email it out, preview a CD for a meeting later this week to make sure it ran on the laptop okay, plus a few other minor projects. I then headed out the door for a 2:00 pm lunch event with the St. Clair County Eagle Watcher’s, a photography group I belong to. This year’s event included a showing of five birds of prey. Camera’s were clicking as each bird was displayed and talked about. By 4:30 I was on the road and headed to purchase groceries.
In looking at my investments I also took a good look at my living expenses v. income and realized that while I am making my bills with the assistance of my husband’s life insurance, I can not really consider that “living in the green.” Let’s face it, the life insurance savings won’t last forever, and living month-to-month is not the way I want to spend my retirement. I also realized that I can not retire and continue to live where I am at. The decision, I need to downsize. Now there is a lot of stuff in this house that I must sort, decide what to keep, what to toss, and what to sell. That will take some time. I would like to be out in six months, a year is more realistic, and it may take beyond that. However the longer it takes the more money I am spending on this house that I could be saving or using for more fun things.
Do I set goals for the new year? Usually. Do I achieve them? Sometimes. Even though for the most part New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day are just another day, they still contain a bit of tradition that is repeated year-after-year.
So what am I doing? I am going to downsize by sorting my belongings and accumulations of the past 36 years into keep and sell piles, and I am going to downsize out of my home and into something smaller and more manageable for me, both in upkeep and cost. I am changing financial advisors in the anticipation that my investments will provide me with better earnings for my retirement. I am going to forgo some of my activities and/or volunteer positions so that I have less commitments and more time to devote to things that I need or want to accomplish, such as the downsizing, running my photography business, and my writing.
Have you ever found yourself wishing you could go back to the carefree days of your youth? Do you remember a time when you wished you were older? We all experience desires to be an age we are not for various reasons.
Those mid-range years of 30-50, you are working, raising kids, trying to have a life. Time flies by. They tell you to plan for retirement but seriously, when you are only 30 retirement is decades into the distance. Why worry? Spend and enjoy. By the time you reach 40 you are taking life more seriously. Retirement plans are in place and you may even dream of the distant future with ideas about how you will spend your leisurely days of retirement. Realistically you are counting the days with a mixture of excitement and dread until your children move from needing constant care to the teen years where less constant supervision is required but there is the potential for stepping onto the wrong path due to peer pressure and temptation. Then they graduate from high school, enter into college and/or the working world. Will they marry? When will they have children (your grandchildren)?
It is a wonderful point in life. You are still young; retirement is a long way off. You can enjoy activities on a larger scale, whether it be travel, boating, fishing, extreme sports, hobbies, or any other thing that captures your attention. Life is a comfortable combination of relaxation and excitement. Some people may desire their youth, some may desire retirement, but overall it is a mid-range point in which time is flying by as you enjoy life.
With today’s internet if you search out something on any sight it will suddenly start popping up in massive quantities. That was the case with traits of my sign, Libra. What surprised me was how many of those quotes accurately reflect my personality.
Leisure & Hobbies are important to us Libra. We have a wide range of interests and taking time to enjoy the fun things in life is important to our well being. While we are the scales and like things in balance, we also like to debate issues and I for one certainly go for the win. However winning or loosing is not the ultimate goal, because knowledge is gained through debate so a good discussion is always good for the brain. If you always associate with people who think just like you there is no challenge, no gain in knowledge, it is just an ongoing, never changing, boring existence.
I will admit it was hard. However forcing myself to get out and do things has been beneficial. I am more physically active, which increases metabolism and energy. I discovered I am happier by being once again out and about partaking in different activities. The result is that I am more productive than I was when spending the entire weekend at home. Why? Because I have decompressed my brain so I am more relaxed, my energy level has increased, and therefore I am more productive.
Does this mean I wouldn’t want to know? Absolutely not. I like harmony and can sense when people around me are not in balance. If I sense an imbalance in someone and they don’t say why, I then worry that I have caused the discourse. If I know that I am the cause of someone’s displeasure, then my mind is racked with trying to figure out why.
alignment. Because we like things to be fair and equal, if there is discourse our problem solving skills involve weighing the situation from every possible angle. We Libras love debate because it challenges the brain, develops the ability to think creatively, and it solves problems. When we feel we may be the subject of discontent that debate goes on in our head weighing every possibility, trying to figure out how to resolve the issue or obtain the answers on the “why” of a situation.
The reality is most couples are not as completely consumed in each others lives as we were. They spend more time doing things on their own and socializing with others. Living alone has allowed me to adjust to doing things on my own. I am still learning how to involve others in my plans so I am not always a solo act.
rejuvenated again. It is a battle of the brain, which way to go.
I found this frustrating as he suffers from depression and I would wonder how he was doing. Then suddenly I would receive an email or message. There were always reasons for his disappearance…busy, kids, grandchildren, sickness, depression…but were they reasons, or excuses? In my opinion there is a fine line between the two, and I wasn’t quite sure on which side it fell. Things would improve for a bit but eventually would fall back into the old pattern.
--- LIFE IS A MELTING POT --- Grace Grogan...Writer, Photographer 