Category Archives: memoir

Maybe On Thursday

DSC_8302Anyone who has spent time with young children will agree.  They are energetic, exhausting, non-stop movement, and most of all entertaining.  They will fill your world with knowledge you didn’t know was out there and if nothing else will bring a smile to your face.  In my case this week it was two of my grandchildren that filled the bill.DSC_8278

Tuesday morning I watched my 17 month old granddaughter and five year old grandson for a few hours while their parents went to an appointment.  Corbin, at five, is full of information and never fails to provide some tidbit that has its own unique quality.  Alexandria is a typical toddler who is full of energy, constantly moving, and plays with everything except her toys.

DSC_8310After they were dropped off Corbin immediately informed me that he brought Sissy with him so he would have someone to play with.  I guess “play with” is objectionable as he seemed to spend an equal amount of time complaining about her, and i don’t think he ever played with her.  Alexandria did tear apart the train track, steal the train signs, steel hot wheels cars, drink all of Corbin’s water, and more.

DSC_8267For the most part Corbin takes it all in stride.  After all, he knows how she came to be in his life.  You see Alexandria was growing in mommy’s tummy and a doctor had to cut her out because it wasn’t good.  When mommy ate Sissy took all the food.   Now I must say that is pretty good logic coming from the mind of a five year old.  Besides, I’m sure there are a lot of pregnant women out there who feel like the baby is taking all their food when they eat.

DSC_8335As I mentioned, Alexandria tore apart the railroad track and Corbin wasn’t able to get it back together.  That was never my area of expertise, my husband Ron always handled it, but since he passed in December it is one of those duties that now falls to me.  I worked my way behind the table to the spot where three pieces of track were separated.  As I was working I kept hearing a dinging noise, until Corbin said “you’re pushing on the RR Crossing sign.”    I wondered where the sound was coming from!DSC_8270

I worked and got the three pieces of track put back together.  I did feel a certain amount of accomplishment since getting them lined up and connected without accidentally tearing it apart elsewhere was a bit tricky.  When I finally got it done Corbin said “Good job!  I knew you could do it.”  Five year old grandsons are great for the ego!

DSC_8356And so our morning went, flying by quickly as it goes.  I did take a look at Corbin’s hands and told him he needed to go wash them.  Corbin’s response “No, maybe on Thursday.”  When I told him they needed to be clean for school Corbin responded that he isn’t going to school, he has to stay with me for forty-five days.   Yep, that was his plan and he never even told me.  Isn’t it nice to know there is a plan in place should the need arrive?

 

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Filed under children, Family, grandchildren, kids, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir

Evolution of Women

The passage of time can make one forget the history they have lived through or witnessed.  We are so used to having women executives, doctors, police officers, professional athletes, newscasters, and more that we forget there was a time in the not so distance past when those type of careers were not possible for women.

I stumbled upon some newspaper articles from 1972, 1976 and 1980 regarding women and their changing role in society.  It was interesting to read what people thought and accomplished back then.  My teen years, the 1970’s, were spent during a time of great strides in equality and achievement for women.   Not all believed those accomplishments were to the woman’s benefit.70's picketers equal rights

Women that were 92 years old and 73 years old contributed to an article written in 1976.  These women believed that in the past men treated women with much more respect.  Women were treated like fine porcelain, something special that a man was lucky to get.  These elderly women felt times were better when women were put on a pedestal and a “man was a man” and provider.  Women were homemakers, did not vote, did not work outside the home, and were never subjected to profanity.  Women were the protected sex.  70's screw sexists

But women did not want to be protected.  They wanted to achieve equal rights, and the 1970’s helped them march toward that goal.  An article I read from 1980 stated that the status of women has never been altered so suddenly or dramatically as in the 1970s.  Until I read the article it never occurred to me, but in brought back memories.  I do remember these things being achieved and making news.  Here are a few 1970’s achievements:

  • Equal Rights Amendment
  • Introduction of the word chairperson and Ms.
  • Legal permission for women to keep their names after marriage
  • Title IX of the Education Amendments in 1972 prohibited discrimination in education.
  • Boom in women participating in collegiate sports
  • Class action lawsuits for sex discrimination
  • Forbid sex bias with creditors against women — prior to this a woman had to obtain her husband’s consent to obtain credit in her own name.
  • Unemployment benefits could not be withheld from pregnant women
  • Pregnancy Discrimination Act in 1978 prevented women from getting fired from their workplace for being pregnant.
  • Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in 1980 was the first time the court recognized sexual harassment in the workplace.
  • 1972 – Ability to participate in the Boston Marathon.
  • Most states would recognize marital rape, but it did not become criminalized until 1993.
  • Roe v. Wade, 1973 protected woman’s right to have an abortion.
  • Girls obtained the right to play little league baseball.
  • Service academies were ordered to admit women
  • Women became more visible politically
  • Big gains in sports: women became jockies, professional players of basketball, tennis, golf and football;
  • Large gains in jobs:  firefighters, police, construction, building trades, airline pilots.

70's - picketers against eraEven with all those accomplishments there was still inequality.  Equal pay for equal work was not achieved in 1980.  Women still held was were termed “pink collar” jobs, meaning they still held the lesser level and lower paying jobs of secretary an clerk.  Women earned 57% of men’s wages; women with four years of college earn less than a man with an 8th grade education.

When something stirs a memory, other memories come into play.  I remember my parents discussing some of those achievements with disgust.  They too felt that women were overstepping their boundaries and becoming unfeminine.    Women today acknowledge their feminine side in dressing, but in the 1970’s the goal was to achieve a look similar to a mans.  Pantsuits were high fashion.  To accomplish your goals in a man’s world you must look and act like a man.  70's - Mood in 70's

The Evolution of Women has taken place, and the female gender continues to evolve as we achieve greater standing in the eyes of the world.  It will be interesting to see where this next decade takes us.

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Filed under career, communication, Coping, decisions, education, employment, handicapp, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, time

Looking Back: A Facebook Review

Every  morning around 7 AM I receive a notification from Facebook that there are memories from previous years on that date.  I look forward to reviewing those memories, looking back on what I was doing or sharing in previous years.  Some of those memories I skim over,  some I share again.

We go about our day-to-day lives and don’t realize how we change over time.  I notice that the type of information I consider relevant has changed.  Postings about day-to-day life have changed.  It is fun to see what I was doing in college a few years ago, how many days I would go without being on Facebook because I was busy, or even the activities I was partaking in on any particular date or year.

I have shared a lot of pictures over the years.  When those pop up on my memories feed it is fun to see how my grandchildren have grown, or the changes in the appearance of my kids, myself and my husband.  Places I have visited, events I have attended, and more are shared through photographs on my personal page, as well as the Times Gone By Photography page I have.

Another fun thing I discovered in looking back is the notes I have posted on my Facebook page.  For several years now I have shared a challenge where you try to read 52 books in a year, and although I have never made it to 52 I have those “notes” from every year where I listed each book I read, the author, whether fiction or non-fiction and the number of pages.  I recently came across a couple other postings I did, one answering questions about how well you know your spouse, and another where you list 25 things about yourself.  I may do that one again, because things have changed.  I am now in the processing of printing off some of the things I discovered and saving them in a scrapbook or notebook for future look backs by myself and/or my children and grandchildren.

We live in a digital world.  Everything is handled electronically and people, young people especially, do not keep things in a printed, paper format.  Give consideration to printing off and saving in a notebook some of the things you share electronically.  Make it a scrapbook of you.  Future generations will be glad you did when everything you have done is lost in the cyber world.

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Filed under Activities, Discoveries, exploration, Family, genealogy, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, reality, Scrapbooking

Never Underestimate Small Towns

I grew up in a small town, which beat out another better-known small in a Michigan’s best small town popularity poll run by the Lansing State Journal.  It only won by six votes in the final round, so definitely a tight race.

I haven’t lived in Eaton Rapids, Michigan since I married and moved away in 1981, but I have family there and have spent a considerable amount of time there over the years.  While I prefer my current residential location, Eaton Rapids does have a historical, small-town appeal that many love.

0267 Island Park from Hamlin Street Foot Bridge - Eaton Rapids June 7 2014-1

G.A.R. Island City Park in Eaton Rapids.  Photo by Grace Grogan

Before I delve into my hometown too deeply, let me give a thumbs up to the runner-up, Charlevoix, Michigan.  I have always loved Charlevoix from the first time I went there.  Charlevoix is bordered by Round Lake on one side, Lake Michigan on the other.  Grab a whitefish dinner “to go” at Terry’s Restaurant, then walk across the street to sit in the park and eat overlooking Round Lake.  A great, relaxing stop in northern Michigan.

Eaton Rapids, although not on any large bodies of water, is an Island City, the the G.A.R. park is an island within the island.  The Grand River flows in and around the city, and everywhere you drive you are crossing bridges.  Home of Miller Ice Cream, I grew up in a subdivision just down the street from Miller Farm #1, which is now a small historical village with an ice cream parlor and beautiful flower gardens to stroll.

0257 Flags on Main Street - Eaton Rapids June 7 2014-1

A Patriotic Display on Main Street, Eaton Rapids, Michigan.  Photo by Grace Grogan

Eaton Rapids is also home to the VFW National Home, the only one in the United States.  The town’s latest claim to fame is the hosting of an Urban Air event, when vintage Airstream trailers line main street for a long weekend.  I have not yet attended this event, but am putting it on my calendar for this year.  Hopefully no conflicts arise, because I really want to visit during that time.  Downtown, small-town features include an old-fashioned telephone booth that actually works, a river walk, the Island City Park, and several great eateries, including patio dining at Darb’s.

0725 -- Eaton Rapids VFW 9-19-2015

VFW National Home – a view down one of its many streets.  Photo by Grace Grogan

Congratulations to both my hometown of Eaton Rapids and another favorite, Charlevoix for being the best two small towns in Michigan.

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Filed under Family, home, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, Michigan, travel

My First Easter

It is funny how traditions with couples and/or families develop over years.  What is crucial to one couple is unimportant to another.  Being the  first year without my husband, people anticipate that certain dates may be hard, such as Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day.  However those were “Hallmark” holidays that Ron and I rarely paid attention to, so my first year solo on those dates causes me no emotional stress.

This is my first Easter alone.  The weekend looms ahead of me like some dreaded dark cavern.  Why?  Because that is a weekend Ron and I generally did things.  For years when our kids were growing up we would drive to Belle Isle and visit the Aquarium and Whitcomb Conservatory.   There were years we traveled, years we stayed home.  Generally we were out and about at least one of the two days taking pictures.   Once we had grandchildren we put together Easter baskets for the children and had an egg hunt inside our house.  Easter has always been a fun weekend for us.

This year I have no one to share those things with.  My daughter, her boyfriend and her three children will be over on Sunday for the kids to get their Easter baskets from me, but not until around 7:00 pm because her oldest son is spending the holiday weekend with his father.   I have contemplated driving down to Belle Isle, driving around my area to take photos, or just staying home to clean and organize.  To a certain degree weather and the condition of a sore ankle will play into those decisions.    I don’t feel enthusiastic about any of it.

Building a new life takes adjustment.  It means accepting change.  Maintaining tradition.  Letting tradition go.  Freedom to make changes.  Keeping things the same.  Doing things you’ve always done.  Doing things you never did.    Building a new normal.

As I spend my first Easter alone creating whatever will become a new tradition, a new normal, I hope all of you have a fun-filled weekend doing whatever it is that makes Easter weekend special for you and your loved ones.

HIPPITY HOPPITY HAPPY EASTER DAY!

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Filed under celebration, Coping, Family, habit, home, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, memoir, spring

Numbness in Life

The new year has begun and I am determined to make it a good one.  I will conquer whatever challenges I encounter and move forward as a widow, a single person, whatever you want to call me.

I appear to others to be adjusted, back to normal.  However there is a numbness in life that I am aware of.  I haven’t quite gotten a grasp on this new normal for me.  That may be due to not having completed the final steps in Ron’s passing yet.

The final steps, I think, will be picking up Ron’s ashes and flag from the cremation society, making the arrangements for and completing his burial, and the Celebration of Life which is scheduled March 6th.  I believe that those steps will bring to a culmination the reality of his passing.

I have started to do some  cleaning out around the house, but not of a personal nature.  I have eliminated foods that Ron ate and I didn’t, rearranged some things to my liking rather than a compromised liking.  However Ron’s wallet still sits on the charging station where he always left it, the collection of his stuff on the master bath counter that I always found irritating when he was alive remain there.  I have not yet unpacked the duffle bag of clothes that I took to hospice for him.  I have not downloaded the pictures from his camera of his last photo shoot.  I still wear my wedding rings every day.    life - where you are headed is bigger than where you have been

Those things, and the fact that our house is a mixture of him and I, leave the feeling that this is all a dream and he will one day return.  Realistically I know that is not true.  Emotionally it is a security blanket.

It has only been one month since Ron passed on December 7, 2015.  In some ways it feels like it just happened, in other ways it seems like it has been ages ago.  That just goes with my feelings of Numbness in Life.

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Filed under Coping, death, Family, home, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, memoir

Going Through the Motions

It has now been ten days since my husband, Ron, passed away.  Life goes on, and while I appear to be functioning on a normal level, I am numb.

I get up, go to work, come home.  The holidays are a distraction.  I have my daughter and her kids coming here on Christmas day and my sister and her family on December 26th.  I had to decorate, at least to a certain degree.   I got my tree up, some decorations out in that room and my kitchen, and called it done.  It wasn’t fun this year.  It was just a process that I did, a duty I performed.

My granddaughter, Alexandria, had her first birthday, and as is our tradition my daughter came over with cake and we had a celebration here at the house.  Except Ron wasn’t here to see Alex turn one.   She will never remember him on her own.  My grandsons are trying to understand death, heaven, what it means when a person is gone from their lives.  Both were extremely close to Ron.  They know something has changed but haven’t quite grasped what it means.

I am trying to do what is normal, what we have always done.  I attended a Christmas potluck at Studio 1219 where we both have our photography, have been members for years and have done a lot of volunteering.  I was fine when I arrived, until I walked into the room where everyone was, all those familiar faces, and had to take a couple deep breaths to get control of my emotions.

DSC_4322

Alexandria’s First Birthday

Tonight I am going to the Christmas party / meeting of the Blue Water Shutterbug Camera Club, another organization Ron and I have both been heavily involved in for the past eleven years.  I am closer to this group of people than to those at the studio.  It is a fun group.  Hopefully I can keep a grasp on myself and get through tonight without a problem.

So I got to work.  I try to remember to do things here at home, such as bring in and open mail, that were always handled by Ron.  I make calls to notify life insurance, pension, and others of his death.  I wrote his obituary.  I prepare for the Celebration of Life that will be held in March.

I go through the motions of life, but inside I feel numb, empty, lonely.  It is a process.  An adjustment.

 

 

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Filed under Coping, death, Family, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, memoir

Pinback Paradise

When someone suggested I start a blog I found it a bit of a daunting challenge.  That was mainly due to my misconception of what a blog required.  When I realized that I don’t have to post on a daily basis and that I don’t have to stick with just one narrow topic I knew I was up to the challenge.  Now all I had to do was pick a title for the blog.  I wanted my title to fit my life, and because my Life Is Like A Camera I needed something to fit that description and so Life is a Melting Pot was born.

Life is Like a Camera.  Photo by Grace Grogan

Life is Like a Camera. Photo by Grace Grogan

I can’t believe it has been 10 months and 50 posts since it all began.  I have written about fun topics, emotional issues, vacations, and life in general.  Hopefully you have all gotten to know me a little better over the past few months.

When it comes to my life, It All Began in the Cherry Capitol of the World, but Yesterday’s Bar Pick-up tells the story of how I met my husband.  We have enjoyed many activities over the years, vacations, having kids, boating, jet skis, mopeds, and motorcycles, accidents and cancer.   It’s been 33 years, well sort of 34 takes a look back at our marriage and Life Altering Impact after a car ran a stop sign and broadsided me when I was on my motorcycle.

As I was completing high school I did not follow my true career interest, Why Didn’t I do It?  Instead I became a secretary, which caused me to reflect on the Evolution of a Clerical Worker.  Now I wonder Who Am I? as I take on the roles of paralegal, writer and photographer.  Of course everyone has many aspects to their personality, and that is why I love Songs About Me and found a Blog Bonus – A Perfect Quote that I shared with everyone, even though I soon found myself Caught in a Tornado

Patrick and his girls - Kiley, Katlyn, Kae-Lee

Patrick and his girls – Kiley, Katlyn, Kae-Lee

With The Power of Emotion I dealth with the loss of one of our granddaughters, Kae-Lee Joy Grogan, who we were trying to adopt but instead was awarded to her foster care parents for adoption.  I dug a little deeper into that story when I talked about Attempted Adoption:  An Emotional Whirlwind.    That story has yet to end.

In the meantime life moves on, and let’s face it You are a Guaranteed Winner when you experience the Backyard Exploration of a 3-Year Old and enjoy a Thanksgiving that includes Tossed Turkey and Dog Food.    Let’s Get Prepped for education because although we all have a Haunted Past we can enjoy a bit of nostalgia because Everyone Loves a Letter.  Modern technology makes us realize the benefits of  Letter v. Email and how with all our modern conveniences we should not be Running Out of Time. 

Who's out there?  Photo by Grace Grogan

Who’s out there? Photo by Grace Grogan

We should all Preserve the Memories of our lives because Looking Out My Front Door at snow on leaves that have not changed color makes you realize the the Wild Weather Past and Present is not something new, but something you may want to remember.  After all, Putting a Spin on Things can help you take an artistic, creative look at what might at first glance appear to be Delightfully Drab.   That is why I enjoy participating in the World Wide Photo Walk and a passion of mine is strolling through old burial grounds doing Cemetery Shooting.    It is important to enjoy the beauty around us everywhere, keep it beautiful so we never again have The Crying Indian. 

Reflections in Nature - Photo by Grace Grogan

Reflections in Nature – Photo by Grace Grogan

Life is never dull in My Crazy Week where I have been known to wonder Where Have All the Spiders Gone then dissapointed to find out They’re Back after which I felt the need to enjoy the amusement of a 3-year old and 8-year old saying goodbye to them in Blog Bonus-SpidersHowever those creatures are not the only ones to enhance our property, after all, we have Master Bath Guests.

I’m not what I would call a political person, but wondered if my thoughts about undocumented children being brought into this country were Cold Hearted and Cruel or Realistic.  I know that first impressions of people are not always accurate and discussed Impressions v. Reality while not hesitating to Toot My Own Horn about a column I had published on problems with the foster care system.

As I traveled this summer I found that my decision to finally invest in a smart phone challenging but in the end realized that I’m Hooked when it allowed me to take movies and post pictures instantly during our vacation.  I love a Blue Water Summer  but have to admit that Vacation Planning is something I enjoy doing and can lead to a wide range of adventures and learniing how things can be the Same but Different, including a weekend on an Uninhabited and Unconnected Island or a spring day on the Magee Marsh Bird Trail. 

Scared the heck out of me as I was zoomed in to take a photograph when he started straight at me.  Photograph by Grace Grogan

Scared the heck out of me as I was zoomed in to take a photograph when he started straight at me. Photograph by Grace Grogan

As the year wound down we enjoyed New Life with the birth of our newest granddaughter, Alexandria Louise, enjoyed a Merry Christmas and ended the year by Kicking 2014 Goodbye as we started the new year with Slippery Surgical Stress and are now looking forward to Good Things in 2015.

With that we end this Pingback Paradise reflection of my first 50 posts to this blog.  I hope you have enjoyed this glimpse back, maybe linked into some of my old posts and enjoyed a read you may have missed during the past 10 months.

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Filed under career, decisions, Family, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, Photography, travel

It All Began In The Cherry Capitol of the World

From the Cherry Capitol of the World to the place with the world’s highest ski jump, a quick stop in Portage Michigan, then to an Island City, from there to a home where the city name changed three times and finally the place of the world’s longest board walk on a very busy shipping channel.  Have you ever thought about the places you have lived in your lifetime?  That first sentence gives a brief overview of mine.  I was thinking about it one day.  I have lived in some pretty interesting and unique places in my lifetime.

Traverse City Cherry Trees an Grand Traverse Bay in the background.  Photo obtained online.

Traverse City Cherry Trees an Grand Traverse Bay in the background. Photo obtained online.

The Cherry Capitol of the World, Traverse City, is where I was born. My genealogy includes the Lautner family who were some of the original settlers of the area.    My paternal grandmother was a Lautner, she grew up on part of the original Lautner Settlement on M-72 in a home built by her father when she was six years old.  She lived in that same home until her late 80’s when she placed herself into assisted living.  When I was growing up we traveled to Traverse City often, staying with my grandparents and visiting other relatives.  We rarely did any of the tourist stuff, the one exception being the National Cherry Festival, which happens every July in Traverse City.  Special parades every day,carnival, and of course farmers selling fresh cherries in small stands everywhere you go.  If you have never visited the Traverse City area I recommend you spend some time there.  From the lighthouses on Old Mission Peninsula and Leelenau Peninsula, the Casinos, Grand Traverse Bay, and more, it is a beautiful area.

This past summer I visited the town where my parents moved to when I was a toddler, Iron Mountain, Michigan.  Located in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula about midway across, this small historic town sits right on the border of Wisconsin and is home to the word’s highest artificial ski jump.  Pine Mountain Ski Jump has a scaffold that is 186 feet high and the length of the slide is 381 feet.  You can climb the stairs to the base of the jump or drive a winding road to the top of the hill for a spectacular view.   This is also the location of the Upper Peninsula Veterans Memorial Site, dedicated in 2006.  This memorial honors those from all 15 counties of the Upper Peninsula who served in Vietnam, Lebanon-Granada, the Gulf War, Korea, World War I and World War II.    Space has been reserved to honor those who have served in the war taking place in the middle east.   There are many things to do in the area, but one thing to remember is that the city’s name comes from the valuable iron that was found and mined in the area and a few minutes downthe road in Vulcan you can tour the Iron Mountain Iron Mine.  The mine tour lets you experience the conditions under which men worked at a time when there was no modern technology.  What they accomplished is amazing.

Pine Mountain Ski Jump, Iron Mountain, Michigan.  Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2014.

Pine Mountain Ski Jump, Iron Mountain, Michigan. Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2014.

The next stop on my list of places I have lived is Portage Michigan.  I was still young at the time, it is where I attended Kindergarten and began first grade.  Portage is close to Kalamazoo, the home of Western Michigan University and is located less than 30 miles from Battle Creek, the cereal city, home to both Kelloggs and Post cereal companies.  In preparing for this posting I learned that Portage is home to the Air Zoo which houses over 60 rare and historic aircraft.  The Air Zoo also offers indoor amusement park style rides, interactive exhibits, flight simulators and a 4D theater.    We only lived a short time in Portage before making the final move of my childhood.

In 1966  we moved to The Only Eaton Rapids on Earth, an island city located south of our state’s capitol, Lansing.  This is the town I consider my home town, residing there from the time I was six years old until I married and moved away just before my 21st birthday.  It is a unique small town with lots of local history.  Home to Miller Ice Cream, the VFW National Home and was once a booming tourist area due to mineral springs.  Eaton Rapids was founded in 1838, became a city in 1881, and is named after the youngest member ever to join the U.S. Senate, John Henry Eaton.  That and the presence of rapids in the nearby Grand River created the towns name.  It is referred to as an island city because the downtown area is completely surrounded by water.  If you pay attention when driving around town you are constantly crossing bridges everywhere you go.  Not only that, but if you live in the town you know that going to “the island” refers to an island park located near the downtown area.  The island itself is one of many Michigan Historical Sites in the town.   Another historical sight is the VFW National Home, created in 1924 when Corey J. Spencer donated a 472 acre farm to be used as a home for widows and orphans of veterans of the wars of the country.  It is the only home of its kind in the country and is still in operation today.  As a final note on the town’s second nickname, E.E. Horner, while President of Horner Woolen Mills, was on a trip to England and wrote home with an address of only  “Eaton Rapids.”  The postcard arrived at its proper destination and the town became known as “The Only Eaton Rapids on Earth.”

Eaton Rapids Island Park as viewed from Hamlin Street foot bridge.  Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2014.

Eaton Rapids Island Park as viewed from Hamlin Street foot bridge. Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2014.

When I married I left Eaton Rapids and moved to Utica, Michigan, which is where my husband and I built our first home in 1983.  The area we built in was experiencing a lot of growth and over the years city boundaries were adjusted and changed so that our house began as part of Utica, became part of Mount Clemens, then Macomb.

Utica is located in Macomb County and was originally platted in 1829.  The city suffered fires in 1905 and 1906 so only has a few buildings prior to those dates.

Mount Clemens is also a town in Macomb County and was first surveyed in 1795 by Christian Clemens.   Christian Clemens and John Brooks platted the land, built a distillery and the area was incorporated as a village in 1851 and a city in 1879.  Mount Clemens became the county seat of Macomb County in 1818.  Mount Clemens was once a booming town well known for its mineral baths from 1873 to 1974.   Surburban expansion in the area continued and we were notified that the area we lived in was once having a city name change from Mount Clemens to Macomb.

The change to Macomb occured in the 1990’s, but the growth was so substantial that between 2000 and 2008 the population increased by 48%.  Macomb Township has no incorporated villages but has three unincorporated commnities:  Meade on the northewast portion of the township, Waldenburg in the central portion of the townships and Macomb, where we lived, in the northwest part of the township.    You may think that Macomb was created during the period of growth, but the Township of Macomb was officially approved by the legislative council on May 7, 1834 and is named in honor of General Alexander Macomb, a highly decorated veteran of the War of 1812.    A variety of factors, including the rapid expansion of the area in which we lived let us to St. Clair, Michigan.

In 2003 we left Macomb behind and purchased a house in St. Clair, Michigan.  This is a very scenic and historical area in which to vacation or reside.     The city has an extensive history and its name is believed to have been derived from three different sources.  One of those is that it honors Patrick Sinclair, who purchased land on the St. Clair River and in 1764 built Fort Sinclair.  In addition to the longest freshwater boardwalk in the world located on the beautiful St. Clair River, a busy shipping channel that runs between the United States and Canada and has more shipping traffic than the Suez Canal and Panama Canal combined, the town is home to Cargill Salt (formerly Diamond Crystal).  Diamond Crystal began operation in 1887 of a large solution salt mine and evaporation facility.  This is the only salt plant in the United States that produces Alberger salt, a special fine salt used on products such as potato chips, fast food french fries, etc.   The history of St. Clair industry is extensive, including the sawmill industry, shipbuilding, and in the late 1800s became a well-known resort with luxurious hotels offering mineral baths with passenger steam ships stopping at hotel docks on a daily basis.    Today St. Clair offers a Marina, Palmer Park, Alice Moore Center for the Arts, Alice Moore Woods, Michigan Historical Sites and a museum.   A unique place to visit and live.

Palmer Park boardwalk and St. Clair River, St. Clair Michigan.  Photo by Grace Grogan.

Palmer Park boardwalk and St. Clair River, St. Clair Michigan. Photo by Grace Grogan.

Will I someday reside in other places?  I can not be sure.  My husband and I purchased property years ago on a mountain in Tennessee, but for various reasons have determined that we will not be moving there and have put the property up for sale.  At one time we planned to become full-time RV people, living and traveling the country in our motor home.  Again, life brings changes and it is debatable whether that will ever happen.  As for now, we are residing in the beautiful Blue Water Area and enjoying our spare time as photographers, capturing everything the area has to offer and making our images available for sale at local art studios, Mercy Hospital in Port Huron, and on Fine Art America.

Where have you lived in your lifetime?  How many times have you moved?  Please share in the comment section.

 

 

 

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Filed under children, decisions, Family, home, kids, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, Michigan, parents, time, travel, Upper Penninsula

Good Things

I’ve seen photos of these around New Years in previous years, thought they looked like a neat idea but never attempted it myself. This year I changed my mind. 2014 was a rough year, as I wrote about in Kicking 2014 Goodbye.  We also had a lot of good things that happened throughout the year, including a vacation to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and a weekend spent with my sister and two cousins we traveled with often growing up.  A granddaughter was born in December.  Those are the big things.  We all remember the big things, but I know there were a lot of small, minor tidbits of happiness that have long been forgotten.

Good Things Jar.  Photo by Grace Grogan 2015

Good Things Jar. Photo by Grace Grogan 2015

That is why this year I decided to start a Good Things Jar.  I purchased a large canning jar, typed up a label for it and placed it on our kitchen counter.  I then inserted several notes from the days that had already gone by since January 1st.  I started this when my husband, Ron, was in the hospital for his surgery.  I didn’t mention it to him, and now that he is home he hasn’t asked about it.  He can put things into it too.   I should mention it, because his good things may be quite different from mine based on the fact that he is quite often out shooting photographs all day while I am at work.

It will be interesting to see how full the jar is by the end of the year.  I have read about people starting these but then not keeping them up.  When you begin to jot down the miscellaneous good things that happen it is amazing how many things happen on a day-to-day basis that we don’t put emphasis on.  For example in my jar already I have the celebration of my grandson, Corbin’s birthday, which was done late so his brother could be there.  My daughter, Caroline and her boyfriend, Rob, came over and ran the snow-blower and cleared the front porch and sidewalk of snow while Ron was in the hospital.  I included the day of Ron’s surgery that the procedure was successful, and of course a note the day he came home from the hospital.

Some of these things I will remember at the end of the year, some would be forgotten.  It will be interesting on December 31st to dump out my jar of notes and enjoy the memories.  I have read where people frequently keep the jars so they can re-open and read the notes in later years if they choose.  I will take my notes at the end of the year and put them onto a scrapbook page and they will be permanently saved in a scrapbook.

The year is still new.  Maybe you should consider making a Good Things Jar.  If you have done this in the past I would love to hear your comments about it.  If you haven’t are you now considering starting one?  We should all focus on the Good Things in our lives.

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Filed under Activities, decisions, Family, habit, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, reality, time, Writing

Caught in a Tornado

It started out as a heavy wind, then the momentum kept building, blowing harder and harder, starting to spin around me.  The power increased steadily until it was overpowering, hitting me with its impact and before I knew it I felt like I was spinning uncontrollably.  I was caught in a vicious tornado, life had thrown too much at me and I was loosing control.

Ultimate Measure of ManBack in July my husband, Ron, began having some trouble swallowing when eating.  By the time we returned home from vacation in August the problem had become much worse.  It was discovered that he had a large tumor in his esophagus and that it was cancerous.    During the time it took for the various tests and consultations with doctors to be done the tumor became worse and his ability to eat went from normal to soft foods only to very thing liquids/broths.  At the beginning of his 5-1/2 weeks of chemotherapy and radiation his esophagus was 90% blocked.  He has lost around 40 lbs and is down to around 131 lbs, very thin.  He finished his chemotherapy last week and today, the 4th of December, was his last radiation treatment.  The treatments have reduced the tumor and four about 1-2 weeks he was able to get some foods down, but the burning from the radiation has now caused that to be extremely painful.  We have to wait about a month for the burning to heal and the poisons from the chemo to leave his body.  In January he will have surgery to remove the esophagus and they will raise his stomach up to replace it.  Once those steps are done and he recovers from the surgery he should be able to resume a normal lifestyle.

If you have been reading my blog for a while you know that my husband and I have been trying to adopt our granddaughters and lost one to adoption already.  We found out on the 17th of November that although we have never received an official denial that another family has been found and she will likely be placed with them in January and adopted in June.  DHS has fought us all the way, and although we have not totally given up, we know that we are not likely to succeed in any attempts we make.  If you are not familiar with what has been going on, you can read about it in Power of Emotion and Attempted Adoption:  An Emotional Whirlwind.

My father has been experiencing health issues for the past year or so, plus struggling emotionally since my mother’s death in 2013.  He recently went into the hospital in a weakened state and with fluid around his lungs.  He was  transferred to a medical rehabilitation facility to regain his strength when a set-back sent him back to the hospital about a week ago.  I spoke with him on the 7th of December and he was uncomfortable, weak, and having difficulty eating/swallowing.  On the 2nd of December, his 75th birthday, he began to fail badly.  They attempted to drain fluid from his lungs and one collapsed, his kidneys were not working properly, and a multitude of other problems existed as well.  Throughout the day he changed floors in the hospital twice as his condition worsened.  By the end of the day he was intubated and not expected to live through the night.Death

The hospital is two hours from where I live.  Ron is weakest in the evenings and has had some dizzy spells and falls so I didn’t want to leave him home overnight.  The emotional impact was hitting me and I was struggling with  everything — the loss of Kiley to adoption, Ron’s condition, and my father’s anticipated death.  I was able to call the hospital and they held the phone to his ear so I could talk to him.  I was surprised when my sister, who lives near him, called the next morning and said she was at the hospital, he was failing very fast but they could maintain him for family to arrive.  I called into work and hit the road.  I was lucky, the roads were clear and very little traffic, I was at the hospital within about 2-1/2 hours from when I received the call.    My father’s skin was cold and clammy to the touch, his vitals were very low, but when I spoke to him I could tell from his facial movements that he could hear me and was able to register what I was telling him.  My sister and I decided to go to the cafeteria for a quick lunch, as her son-in-law and a pastor were expected to arrive and we would then remove life support and switch him to comfort measures only.   When we returned to the room we said a few final words to him.   Once we made the change in his treatment he passed peacefully within about 20 minutes.

children reinvent your worldOne life ends and another begins.  My daughter is pregnant, a high-risk pregnancy and her C-Section is scheduled for December 12th, so 1-1/2 weeks after the death of my father, the birth of another grandchild will take place.    The juggling of life continues as we have to drive her 45 minutes away to the hospital where she will deliver, take care of her other two children while she is at the hospital, and handle getting her and baby back home and to her follow up appointments.

I’m either adjusting to the speed of the tornado or it is loosing momentum.  We are now down to my grandchild’s birth, a family Christmas at our house, my husband’s surgery in January, continuing to monitor what happens with our granddaughter being adopted out to a non-relative rather than us, and my sister and I sorting through and cleaning out our parents’ home and belongings and handling the details of settling their estate.    It only goes to show that Life is a Melting Pot of incidents and activities.

 

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Filed under Adoption, cancer, death, Family, grandchildren, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, memoir, parents

Tossed Turkey and Dog Food

This year our Thanksgiving meal was unique.  We had tossed turkey and dog food.  I know, not everyone can enjoy such unusual holiday fare, but then it takes a special talent to come up with such things.

When I removed the turkey from the oven it was a picture perfect golden brown, the stuffing displayed in a perfect mound between the legs and I knew it was done because the little plastic thermometer had popped.  I asked my daughter to steady the pan while I lifted out the bird.  All was going well until the darn thing fell apart as I was lifting, so I only had half a bird as I moved it over the serving platter.  Then the inevitable happened.  Before I got the 1/2 bird placed on the platter it too fell apart, flipping around in mid air and landing upside down on the platter with its two winds spread as if in flight and displaying its ripped apart belly.  Caroline and I were laughing hysterically as I stabbed and managed to flip the bird back over.  We then tried to remove the remaining half a bird from the pan, but everything kept just falling off the bone so the other half of the platter was a jumbled mess of turkey and a mound of stuffing.  Of course everyone knew we were having a bit of an issue so when my tossed turkey was placed on the table, it was good for a laugh.  Little did we know the best was yet to come.

Corbin, who is 3 years old, took one look at that mound of stuffing on that platter and said “Dog Food, No!” and went to the other end of the table.

That announcement of his impression of my cooking got me to laughing so hard I was choking.    How can you argue with the observation of a 3 year old?  You can’t.  No matter what we said, no matter who ate what, Corbin was not going to be fooled by anyone and he was not going to eat that dog food, nor was he going to eat any meat that had been placed on the same platter as the “dog food”.  It just wasn’t happening.

Although they would never have won a Betty Crocker award for appearance, the turkey and dressing were tasty.  The mashed potatoes and gravy were a bit on the lumpy side but everything else was fine.  When the meal was over my daughter, Caroline, and her boyfriend, Rob, left Cobrin with us while they went out to begin Black Friday shopping at 4 pm on Thanksgiving Day.  While I was tackling the kitchen cleanup Ron and Corbin both fell asleep on the couch for a nap.

I knew this Thanksgiving would be a little different.  This is the first time my 8-year old grandson, Austin, would be with his father for Thanksgiving and not our family.   My husband, Ron, has been undergoing chemo and radiation for cancer of the esophagus and it has reduced his tumor enough that he was actually able to consume a small bit of dinner.    No elegant table cloth, elaborate center pieces or fancy clothes.  Just a tossed turkey and some dog food, but nonetheless a fun, memorable Thanksgiving.  Hope yours was memorable too.

 

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Filed under children, Family, food, grandchildren, Holidays, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir

Songs About Me

Everyone has songs they love, either because they relate to themselves personally, remind them of a previous time in their life, or make them think of someone they know.  There is a country song that contains the lyrics ” songs about me and who I am” by Trace Adkins.   That made me wonder, what are the songs about me?  Songs that I love, that make me think of people, that relate to my life.  There are many, and I’m sure after I’m done writing this post I’ll remember something i didn’t include.

I mostly listen to country now, but I love all kinds of music.  I was a teen in the 1970’s and I still love that old time rock and roll.  Whenever I hear that song by Bob Seger I have a hard time sittiing still, it just makes me want to get up and dance.  That song also holds another memory because when my children were in elementary school there were several roller skating parties each year, and I always skated at each one (on quads, I was a kid before roller blades existed) and at every roller skating party the principal of the school always had that song played.  That song moved me at a good speed on skates, and whipping around the rink was great fun.  That is, except when a young child fell right in front of me one time and I have no idea how I accomplished it, but I managed to jump him because there was no way I could swerve or stop.  I impressed myself and could never have done it again if I was trying it.a music

In 1975 the United Nations Government Assembly declared 1975 International Women’s Year in support of the women’s movement.  I was 15 at the time, and Helen Reddy’s song I Am Woman was released that same year.    It is a song that not only speaks of the era I grew up in and achievements that were being made, but it also fits my personality.    I can be very determined, and the lyrics state “You can bend but never break me, ‘Cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal, and I come back even stronger, not a novice any longer, ’cause you depended the conviction in my sole.  Oh yes, I am wise but it’s wisdom born of pain, Yes, I’ve ‘aid the price, but look how much I gained.  If I have to I can face anything, I am strong (strong), I am invincible (invincible), I am woman.”    While I may not achieve the original goal, my determination to make something positive come of it can be a silent but effective form of revenge.

I grew up in Small Town USA, like the town portrayed in Justin Moore’s song.  Although I moved away and never went back, there are lots of people who never left, and others who did leave and go back.  There is something comforting about growing up in a small town where everybody knows everybody and what they are doing.  My sister still lives in that same town and many of her friends are people we grew up with.  It should be said that I now live in another small town where there are a lot of people who grew up in town and have strong roots and family heritage here.

When I was 19 I met the man that is now my husband in a bar when he asked me to dance.  Two weeks after we met I told someone I was going to marry him and 16 months later that goal was accomplished.  We recently celebrated our 33rd anniversary.  Whenever I hear Ann Murray’s song, Could I have This Dance I think it fits my husband and I perfectly.   “I’ll always remember, the song they were playing, the first time we danced and I knew,
as we swayed to the music, and held to each other, I fell in love with you.  Could I have this dance for the rest of my life, Could you be my partner
every night, when we’re together it feels so right, Could I have this dance for the rest of my life.”    While I don’t remember the song they were playing when we danced, I remember him staring at me from across the bar and several other bits of conversation throughout the evening.

That isn’t the song we used at our wedding, that was If, by David Gates, a popular song for weddings at the time. “If a picture paints a thousand words
Then why can’t I paint you?  The words will never show the you I’ve come to know.”

As time goes by and our children were growing older, there are songs that make me think of them, what they have been through, their personalities.    When I purchased a Lori Morgan album that contained the song “Skakin’ Things Up” I immediately thought of my daughter, Caroline.  That song fits her personality perfectly.  Unfortunately I was unable to locate a link other than the lip-sink one I linked to above.  The words are so perfect for her as both a child and an adult, “I’ve been told better safe than sorry and to look before I leap, To think about what I should say long before I speak.  I’m tired of holding back my true emotions, I can’t help but cause a little commotion.   I like shakin’ things up, I like pushin’ the boundaries, I like livin’ my life on the edge and chasin’ far-fetched dreams, I’m gonna feel young when I grow old, I’m gonna chalenge the status quo, when bein’ good just ain’t good enough, I like shakin’ things up.”   Anyone that knows here will agree, that is Caroline.

Now our son, Patrick, has always managed to find trouble.  Sometimes he started it, sometimes he didn’t.  Actually, the Rodney Atkins song “If You’re Going Through Hell” not only applies to him, but also all of us in our family at some point in time, rather my husband’s nasty divorce from his first marriage and battle with his wife repeatedly denying him visits with his daughter, the legal issues our son encountered growing up and as an adult, my recovery after my motorcycle accident, our attempts to adopt our granddaughters and the adversity we encountered from CPS/DHS, to our newest challenge with my husband having cancer of the esophagus, the song fits.   It is a good song to apply to anything you encounter:  “If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going, don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it, you might get out before the devil even knows you’re there.  When you’re goin’ through hell keep on movin’, face that fire walk right through it, you might get out before the devil even knows you’re there.”

There are so many songs I can relate to, after all, “I’ve Got The Music In Me” because “I’m never frightened or worried, I know I’ll always get by
I heat up, I cool down, When something gets in my way I go around it, Don’t let life get me down” and I am Proud to be an American, “where at least I know I’m free, And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.”   The country I call home, It’s America — “It’s a high school prom, it’s a Springsteen song, it’s a ride in a Chevrolet.  It’s a man on the moon and fireflies in June and kids sellin’ lemonade.  It’s cities and farms, it’s open arms, one nation under God, It’s America.”

My wish for all who read this is that “you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean, Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,  I Hope You Dance.”

When my life it over, I hope it reflects Garth Brooks, “I’m glad I didn’t know  the way it all would end, the way it all would go, our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain but I’d of had to miss The Dance

Please Share/Comment:  What are the songs that reflect you and your life?

 

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Filed under Family, impressions, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir

Attempted Adoption: An Emotional Whirlwind

Kiley Grogan, our granddaughter we are trying to adopt.

Kiley Grogan, our granddaughter we are trying to adopt.

I have been contemplating when to post this, actually having originally written it about six weeks ago, but not wanting to interfere with the process and at the same time wanting to share the frustrations we have endured trying to adopt our grandaughters.  We lost Kae-Lee to adoption when she was awarded to the foster care parents rather than us.  Since then we have been working on adopting the older grandaughter, Kiley, and have been trying to obtain answers as to why DHS is against us having even supervised contact with her.  Over the course of the past two years we have been dealing with this quietly, waiting patiently and expecting that the professionals involved would do their jobs appropriately and efficiently.  However our patience has not paid off and the situation continues to grow more frustrating as time goes on.

0014 Kae-Lee-1

Kae-Lee Joy Grogan

In August of 2012 my husband and I applied to adopt our two granddaughters, Kiley Grogan and Kae-Lee Grogan, who had been in foster care since June 2010. At the time they went into foster care we had applied to have them placed in our home and DHS denied our request. After the termination of parental rights in 2012 we applied to adopt. Our application packet was turned in within a month of receiving it from the adoption agency.  It took Ebony Armstrong, adoption worker for Bethany Christian Services, seven months to write her report and submit it to MCI in Lansing.  William Johnson is the one person at MCI who makes the decision on adoption for every child who is a state ward in Michigan.  During the entire time the girls were in foster care DHS denied us any access to our granddaughters, and the adoption agency continued to withhold our contact.

After waiting for seven months during which we were lead to believe they were going to recommend we adopt our two granddaughters together, the adoption agency advised us that they had talked with MCI in Lansing and based on Lansing’s instructions they were going to recommend the youngest child, Kae-Lee, be adopted by her foster care parents, who had also applied to adopt.  Their reasoning was that Kae-Lee had bonded with them, not with us.   Of course this had happened, we had been denied all access!   After Kae-Lee’s adoption went through, to strangers so we have no contact, I created a photo book  Kae-Lee Joy Grogan:  Forever in our Hearts.

Kiley Grogan's photo posted on MARE.org

Kiley Grogan’s photo posted on MARE.org

Bethany Christian Services did recommend we adopt the older granddaughter, Kiley, who had suffered severe brain trauma at seven months of age and is visually, mentally and physically handicapped.  We also discovered that Kiley had been listed on the MARE.org website, incorrectly stating that she has no siblings when she has a full-biological sister and a half-sister who had also been placed into foster care, plus she has another half-sister by a different mother.  Although they never indicated she had been matched with us, her biological grandparents, almost immediately after the adoption agency indicated that another family was “interested” Kiley’s Status on MARE.org changed to “My name is KILEY and I was matched with a recruited family on Friday September 19, 2014.”   The original MARE.org listing is shown at the bottom of this posting.  As of this date we have never received an official denial from William Johnson regarding our application to adopt Kiley.

Kae-Lee Grogan July 2012 taking during a sibling visit to which we were not invited.  Kae-Lee was lost to adoption.  We wanted to adopt our two granddaughters together and raise them as sisters, but Kae-Lee was awarded to her foster care parents so we have no contact.

Kae-Lee Grogan July 2012 taking during a sibling visit to which we were not invited. Kae-Lee was lost to adoption. We wanted to adopt our two granddaughters together and raise them as sisters, but Kae-Lee was awarded to her foster care parents so we have no contact.

It was approximately four months after Bethany Christian Services submitted their report to Lansing before William Johnson, Supervisor at MCI in Lansing, issued his recommendation.  Because DHS in St. Clair was objecting to our adoption William Johnson stated that we needed to receive supervised visits with Kiley so he could make a determination on our ability to provide for her care. The visits were set up to begin but the day before the first visit took place a hearing to which we were not invited nor notified of (Ebony Armstrong, adoption worker, refused to provide us with information regarding hearings after the termination) was held and our visits were suspended.  We were contacted after that hearing by Ebony Armstrong, adoption worker, who informed us that Rory Ayotte, DHS Foster Care Worker had objected to our receiving the supervised visits and that the Honorable Elwood Brown had suspended the visits. We were never given any notice, any opportunity to respond to whatever accusations were made, and when Ebony Armstrong told us she had a court order that we not receive the visits she refused to provide us with a copy of that order, and no order has ever been provided to us by anyone.  I find it extremely upsetting that a foster care worker who was not involved in the case after June 2011 (a new DHS Foster Care Worker was involved from June 2011 through the termination in August 2012 and was favorable to our adopting) was allowed to make objections and that Judge Brown issued an order without giving us the opportunity to appear in court and respond to whatever those objections may have been.

That happened in November 2013, and we were told by the adoption worker that William Johnson was going to order transcripts and talk with Samantha Lord, guardian ad litem, about resolving the issue. We have repeatedly emailed William Johnson over the entire course of the adoption process and stated that if he had any questions to feel free to contact us. No one ever has — not William Johnson, not Samantha Lord, and not the DHS worker who made the objections.

Kiley Grogan - the granddaughter we are trying to adopt.  Photo taken in 2012 during a sibling visit to which we were not invited.

Kiley Grogan – the granddaughter we are trying to adopt. Photo taken in 2012 during a sibling visit to which we were not invited.

We realized that Kiley was due for a re-check with her pediatric cardiologist this year. She was born with the center wall of her heart being too thick and was on a compounded heart medication the first two years of her life. When she was removed from the heart medication at age two the pediatric cardiologist informed the parents that she needed to come back five years later for a re-check and ultrasound of the heart. We advised Ebony Armstrong, adoption worker at Bethany Christian Services of this both verbally and in writing and sent a copy to the guardian ad litem, Samantha Lord.  When we notified Ebony Armstrong, Bethany Christians Services,  verbally she  kept saying “the pediatrician said she is fine,” discounting the need for a specialist to re-check her heart. The foster care worker from Bethany Christian Services stated that Kiley’s insurance has been changed and it wouldn’t be covered and then that the pediatrician would not be able to refer her back to her pediatric cardiologist (I had provided them with the contact information).  The foster care worker did eventually say they could check with the pediatrician , but that the pediatrician would not be able to refer her back to the original cardiologist.

This is extremely frustrating. A child that was removed from the parents in 2010 for alleged medical neglect (they were giving her a recommended break from her physical therapy) is now being denied medical follow-up because DHS and/or the adoption agency has changed her insurance and it probably won’t be covered. If you take responsibility for a child you assume all their medical needs and expenses, regardless of whether or not you were careless about the kind of medical insurance you put her on. Kiley was on medicaid that covered those needs when she was placed in foster care, and she should still be on medicaid so it is a rather poor excuse for their negligence.

While we were not invited to sibling visits, the biological mother's family was allowed to attend.  This photograph is a niece of the biological mother, in yellow is Kae-Lee Grogan, lost to adoption, Katlyn Hosang, half-sister to Kiley and Kae-Lee and who is being adopted by her step-grandfather, and in the stroller is Kiley Grogan, who we are trying to adopt.

While we were not invited to sibling visits, the biological mother’s family was allowed to attend. This photograph shows a niece of the biological mother in the pink shirt, Kae-Lee Grogan is in the yellow top and is the granddaughter lost to adoption, Katlyn Hosang, half-sister to Kiley and Kae-Lee is being adopted by her step-grandfather, and in the stroller is Kiley Grogan, who we are are still trying to adopt.

This entire adoption process was supposed to be a rather easy process, where everything just flowed into place and instead it has turned into an absolute nightmare.  We desperately want answers on what DHS has against us, we want to make sure Kiley receives the needed medical follow up, and we want to adopt her. She is a beautiful little girl who deserves the love and care of her grandparents, not living in a foster care home.  Even though someone has now applied to adopt, the excuse that she cannot bond with us is weak…we are her biological grandparents and had a bond with her prior to her being placed in foster care.  How can Rory Ayotte, Samantha Lord, and Judge Brown believe that she is capable of bonding with total strangers but not us?  It makes no sense, but than nothing in this case does.

We had some difficulties finding an attorney that handles adoption and was willing to drive to St. Clair County.  We were able to obtain one through Ford Motor Company’s legal benefits, and after the attorney attended an August 18, 2014 hearing with us she was also baffled.    The attorney had filed an appearance on our behalf, but Judge Brown was short with her and instructed her to go beyond the rail, even though attorneys are allowed to stand inside the rail, even if it is not their case.  Neither Samantha Lord nor the adoption worker and foster care worker from Bethany Christian Services brought up Kiley’s medical needs, so the judge is not even aware of those.  Both Ebony Armstrong and the foster care worker did inform our attorney that they are still favorable to our adopting Kiley, but it is DHS, the guardian ad litem and the court that has caused the breakdown of that process.   The court refused to allow our attorney to look at the file and she was refused a copy of the court order in which Judge Brown allegedly ordered we not receive visits.  She did say she would attempt to obtain a copy of that order for us and contact William Johnson regarding the situation at hand, but to date we have not received any additional information from her.  What the attorney did tell us is that in a weekly meeting at her firm she advised the other attorneys of what had happened in court and the Judge’s conduct towards her and they all agreed that there is something strange with this case.  It appears DHS and/or the Court are attempting to hide something.

This situation has been an emotional whirlwind for us for four years now.  Kiley, Kae-Lee and Katlyn were separated from each other and placed in foster care by DHS in June 2010.  We have tried to be patient and allow the professionals to conduct themselves in an efficient and appropriate manner.  They have failed our granddaughters and it is time to stand up and take action.  If nothing else, their refusal of our adoption application has provided me with the time to engage in making people aware of the tragic conduct of DHS/CPS, the adoption agencies they hire and the Courts that support such conduct by supporting the destruction of families and ultimately, the destruction of the emotional well-being of children.

If you have lost children or grandchildren, whether temporary or permanent, because of the bad behavior of workers employed by Child Protective Services and/or the Department of Human Services please let me hear from you.  I know this is a country-wide problem and I would like to communicate with others who have had similar experiences.  We need to unite to strive for changes to the laws of this country to put an end to such disgraceful mishandling of our children and enact appropriate sanctions for those workers who misuse their power and cause emotional trauma and suffering to children under the claim that they are protecting them.

Kiley Ann Grogan - MARE.org listing

Kiley Ann Grogan – MARE.org listing

Patrick and his girls - Kiley Grogan, Katlyn Hosang, and Kae-Lee Grogan

Patrick and his girls – Kiley Grogan, Katlyn Hosang, and Kae-Lee Grogan

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Filed under Adoption, Child Protective Services, CPS, Department of Human Services, DHS, Family, Foster Care, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, MCI, memoir, Michigan Childrens Institute

Preserve the Memories

Every person has moments that are uniquely memorable.  They are experiences that make you laugh, make you smile, and you think you will never forget them.  To a certain degree you don’t forget, but generally the memory is tucked away, filed in the back of your brain and rarely shared with anyone again. Memories - random memories that make me smile

Writers are the exception to this because they tend to put things in writing.  Journals, family letters, scrapbooks, blogs, articles and books all contain snippets of a writer’s memory.  The average person often looses those memories.  They may post them on a social media sight such as Facebook, but eventually the memory is lost and forgotten.    This is a sad loss, because your children, grandchildren and others should be able to someday enjoy the joy in whatever happened.

I recently flipped though a notebook of newsletters I have sent to family members over the years. Flipping through that notebook I was reminded of things not forgotten, but tucked away in my brain.    I encourage everyone to preserve their memories in written form for future generations to enjoy.  It doesn’t have to be something extraordinary, just a simple diary or journal will serve the purpose.  Years from now you can revisit those memories on your own, or your decedents can enjoy and treasure them.  You may be thinking, what kind of memories do I write about?    It doesn’t matter, it can be the mundane, everyday stuff or it can be a special moment in time.

When my daughter, Caroline, was about three years old she and a neighborhood girl followed the ice cream truck down the street in our subdivision.  They followed it for a long enough distance that the ice cream man finally gave them each a popsicle and told them to go home.  How do we know?  Because my husband and the other girl’s father were talking and discovered neither of them had made the purchase.    Speaking of ice cream trucks, I remember when I was a child my sister having saved up pennies and used them to pay for her ice cream.  I can still remember the look on that driver’s face when my sister handed him that baggie full of pennies.  Priceless!

My son, Patrick, came home one time and talked about he and a friend rigged up a “motor” to propel a boat they had down a canal.  When Patrick told me about it I thought he was making it up until a woman that lived on the canal happened to be telling a story about these two boys who devised a way to  propel their raft down the canal and she was quite impressed with their inventiveness.

Memories - a way of holding onto the things ou loveThe memories you record don’t have to be lengthy, just tidbits of life that reveal personalities, activities, and the joy of living living.    Small glimpses at life, such as Patrick calling me up at work and saying “I’ve got the eggs boiling, how do I double them again?”.  What he wanted was the recipe for making deviled eggs, but I could not convince him it was “deviled” because in his mind once you cut that egg in half, mixed in the ingredients and put them back together they were “doubled.”  To this day he loves “doubled” eggs.  Patrick also loves Fruity Pebbles cereal.  I have photographs of him eating it as a before bed snack, and as he got older the bowl got larger.  Why use a cereal bowl when a large Tupperware bowl that will hold half a box works just as well?  Patrick is now an adult, but a stroll down a cereal isle where Fruity Pebbles are on sale makes me smile because I know if he were still living with me I would be stocking up.

My daughter, Caroline, attended almost all the formal dances in high school and we usually managed to find her formals at very good reduced prices.  It was the most expensive gown we purchased that the spaghetti got dumped on.  Luckily it was a dark red/maroon dress and a quick stop at home to wipe it down between dinner and dance and no one was the wiser.  Then came senior prom.  Caroline was going to attend with her boyfriend but they broke up.  She then had someone else she was going with, but he had a death in the family and had to go out of state unexpectedly.  Caroline had tons of male friends offer to escort her, but she viewed them as friends not dates, so someone set her up with a blind date for prom.  The guy she got set up with did not look like her type at all, and the date flopped.  They attended the dinner, but shortly after he got ticked off about something and walked out, leaving Caroline stranded at prom.   Rather than get upset Caroline figured she was at her prom, knew plenty of people, and would be able to hitch a ride home when the time came, and she did.  Her analysis of prom – best formal she ever attended because once the blind date walked out she didn’t have to deal with any jealous boyfriend/date issues and was able to really enjoy the evening.

We have many family vacation memories as well.  Almost every vacation included playing putt-putt at least once because Patrick loved it, touring an historical home because I love them, and an amusement park.  I remember watching Caroline and Patrick come off an amusement park ride that my husband and I did not want to ride.  As they approached us at the same time we heard Caroline say “I’ll never ride that again” and Patrick  said “that was awesome, can I go again?”.   Patrick loves amusement parks.  Due to a rainstorm at Disney on our last day of vacation we almost missed a plane because Patrick wanted to ride the Mine Ride one last time (he was only four years old at the time).  None of us will ever forget the mad dash from rental car check-in to luggage check-in, through security, and a run down the hall towards the plane.  Once Caroline and Ron had boarded the stewardess came running down the hall at Patrick and I to assist with our carry-on bags, and as we stepped onto the plane the doors slammed at my back and she said “sit anywhere”.

Life is full of memories.  Cherish them.  Little things, like when I sat in the back seat during Patrick’s road test for his driver’s license and the tester’s leg kept getting in the way because he wasn’t used to having someone take their road test in a stick-shift vehicle.   Patrick passed the test.  Caroline having to repeatedly pull forward and try over and over to back the trailer down the boat ramp for the first time.  A huge line-up of boaters developed as they waited.  I had walked over and offered each an every one of them the opportunity to cut in and go first, but they all waited patiently, having at one time been in that same spot themselves.  When Caroline  finally dropped the jet skis into the water the crowd waiting to use the ramp gave her a massive round of applause.Memories are special moments that tell our story

I could continue to write memories for a long time.  Tidbits of life that are fun to remember, such as  my husband and I taking our motor home to a campground for the first time and he mistakenly putting the levelers down as far as they go so it felt like we were climbing into a tree house every time we entered.  Instead I am going to close by challenging each and every one of you to preserve your memories in a written format somewhere for you, your children and grandchildren to someday read and enjoy.    Those memories tell important stories about your life and personalities.  Don’t let them slip away.

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Filed under Family, kids, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, travel, vacation, Writing

Why didn’t I do it?

Back when I was a kid I loved to write.  I would write long letters to my grandparents, I had several pen-pals in various countries, one I remain in contact with still, and I would write stories.  A class that many disliked in high school but I enjoyed was composition, and for my final writing assignment in that class I wrote an article on child abuse.  Horrifying information, but if I remember correctly I got an A on the paper.   I wanted to become an onsite news reporter.  Getting out and seeing what is going on in the world and writing about it.  Active, interesting.  Why didn’t I?Regret - our past makes us who we are

I didn’t go to college for journalism because I allowed my mother to influence my decision.  This was back in the 1970’s and equalization in jobs and society’s view on women and certain careers was still very negative.  My mother told me that journalism wasn’t a good career for a person who wanted to have a family because if I became an onsite reporter I would have to pick up and go at all the times, would never have a family, and I should go into a more stable career such as secretarial.    For some reason I let her thoughts on journalism as a career influence my decision and I went into clerical work.

Clerical work has served me well.  I have worked as a clerk typist, administrative assistant, secretary, office manager, and after returning to college am now a paralegal.  I like office work, but I have often times regretted that decision not to pursue my chosen career back when I was younger.  I have dabbled in writing over the years, though.

Back when my children were young I took a correspondence course on writing magazine articles for children and loved it.  Unfortunately I was also working full time as an office manger, held various volunteer positions and had two children who were also involved in extra curricular activities.  I never managed to find time to do the writing I wanted.  Then after my children were older I participated in a writing group at a local art studio for a while, but that didn’t provide the outlet I wanted.

In 2004 I moved to St. Clair County and became a member of the family history group.  A few years later the newsletter editor decided to give up her position and I took it over and still hold that title today.    As newsletter editor I select material for the newsletter, write some articles, layout the paper and handle the mailing.

In 2011 The Lakeshore Guardian, a local free newspaper, was looking for someone to write a monthly column on genealogy and my column  Who Am I? was born.  They recently developed an online access and some of my more recent columns can now be viewed on their website.

Writing - If a story is in you it has to come outMy husband and I have been trying to adopt our two granddaughters who went into foster care in 2010 and the parental rights were terminated in 2012.  We immediately applied to adopt and have been involved in a very frustrating situation ever since.  The youngest child was awarded to her foster care parents for adoption, a heartbreaking loss, and I did a Shutterfly book after she was lost to adoption called KAE-LEE JOY GROGAN:  Forever in our Hearts. We continue striving to obtain visits with and adopt the older child, Kiley Grogan, who has severe mental, physical and visual handicaps.  She is a precious little girl who we want desperately to be returned to our family.    I have discovered that our story is unfortunately not uncommon.  People have been waging similar battles for years and I have decided that the public needs to be aware and am in the process of writing a book that tells what has happened to us and our beautiful granddaughters.

I was just accepted to a position as an opinion columnist for The Times Herald, a local newspaper.  Me along with with five other new columnists were announced in their June 26th edition and my first column was published on July 9th, Michigan Gun Owners Deserve a Measure of Confidentiality.  Being an opinion columnist is a new and exciting adventure and I am looking forward to the challenge.

When I started writing the book mentioned above I found a freelance writers group that deals with the business end of writing.  One of the first things I heard in that group is that writers should have blogs.  A blog helps you connect with people and gets them familiar with your writing style.  That was the reason I began this blog.  I did have a hard time with it though, because so many blogs deal with one topic or area of interest, and I like to write about all kinds of things and didn’t want to be locked into one format and at the same time didn’t want to juggle numerous blogs.  That was how I came up with the name of my blog “Life is a Melting Pot.”  That title leaves me free to write about anything and everything, including my other interest as a photographer, for which I manage a Facebook page Times Gone By Photography and have a website of my photos on Fine Art America, Times Gone By Photography:  Grace Grogan.  Writing - desire to write grows with writing

What I have found is the more I write, the easier and more enjoyable it gets.  When I look back now at my desire to become a journalist when I was making career choices in 1977/78 I think “Why didn’t I do it?”   I can’t go back now and do it over, but it is never to late to start a writing career.   While I no longer desire to be an on-sight breaking news reporter/journalist, one thing always on my mind is that Laura Ingalls Wilder was in her 60’s when she began writing the Little House books.  Her mid to late life start is an inspiration and has played in the back of my mind for years.

Now to my writing…..

 

 

 

 

 

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VACATION PLANNING

Guildwood Park Walkway, Canada

Guildwood Park Walkway, Canada. Photo by Grace Grogan

Whenever my husband and I plan a vacation one of the first things I do after we book a reservation is start reading about things to see and do in the area.  I lay out a day-by-day itinerary so we know each day where we are going and as a result we see and do lots of things in the course of a week.    Over the years I have had friends and co-workers laugh at my intense planning, and was recently told that we are on vacation and need to relax.  Of course those same people tend to say when we get back “wow, you guys see a lot when you go somewhere.”   Absolutely, the planning insures that.

Pointe Benzie Light Station.  Photo by Grace Grogan

Pointe Benzie Light Station. Photo by Grace Grogan

What type of vacationer are you?  Do you go somewhere, lay around the pool or at the beach reading, or do you fill your days taking in the sights and sounds of the area you are visiting?  For years we stayed in hotels when we traveled, but about three years ago we purchased a motor home and now stay at campgrounds, using the RV as our own mobile hotel room.   We aren’t “campers” though.  We get up in the morning, have breakfast and then head out for the day to see the sights and take pictures.   We usually get back to the campground and fix a late dinner and then set up our laptops to download and view the photos taken that day.  We were recently informed that we are missing the fun of hanging out at the campgrounds all day and then around a campfire socializing.  We aren’t unfriendly, we chat with our neighboring campers, especially those that are there for the same length of time we are.

Rock Glen Falls - Ontario, Canada.  Photo by Grace Grogan

Rock Glen Falls – Ontario, Canada. Photo by Grace Grogan

People have different views on relaxing and enjoying a vacation.  Ron and I are not they type of people to hand around a campground all day.  To us travel is for the purpose of seeing and doing as many things in the area we are visiting as possible.  The planning of our daily itinerary guarantees that will happen.  Our vacation this summer is to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.  We are photographers, and the possibilities are endless.  The UP has 300+ waterfalls, 40 lighthouses and numerous nature preserves, historical sites and more.  So far I have five different counties on our itinerary to do in that many days.   While we won’t come close to seeing and doing all the UP has to offer, we will definitely see and do a large number of things and will each take several thousand photographs in the nine days we are there (seven days if you disregard the day we travel up and the day we travel home).

Comment Request:

Have you traveled to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and have a suggested “must see” location?  Please share what it is. 

What type of vacationer are you , itinerary planner or sit by the pool and relax?  Why do you feel that is the best way to vacation?

 

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Filed under Family, friendship, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, Photography, travel

LIFE ALTERING IMPACT

I open my eyes, drop ceiling?  I glance to the right, hospital?  I look to the left to see my husband, Ron, sitting on a chair.

“What happened to us?”

Ron looks up, “You were in an accident.”

Ron had been at the hospital for three nights, waiting until I was awake and aware of what was going on before leaving to go home.  By the time we had the above conversation I had already undergone two of three surgeries.  My third surgery would not be for about another week.  This was the beginning of what would be a long recovery and adjustment to a “new normal” that to this day, four years later, is still changing.

May 29, 2010 was a warm and sunny day.  I was a college student and rode my motorcycle to Baker College in Auburn Hills for class that morning, over an hour away.  After I returned home to St. Clair Ron and I rode to The Feast of the St. Claire, an annual re-enactment event held every Memorial Day weekend in Port Huron.   We were on the way home, riding side by side down Electric Avenue, the one way southbound portion of M-29 in Port Huron.  As we approached the 16th Street intersection Ron slowed for a second to look at something and I continued forward.  That is the last thing I remember until I woke up in the hospital.

As I was going through the intersection a vehicle that had been on Military Street, the northbound portion of M-29, cut across 16th street (about two lots wide), failed to stop and hit me full force.  The driver was young, 17 years old with his girlfriend in the car.  He told my husband and the police he was sorry, he didn’t know he was supposed to stop.  Months later when I looked at the intersection I was baffled by his claim.  He missed two stop signs (on on the right, one on the left), plus a hanging red blinking light with a stop sign attached to it.    Ron told me there were no skid marks at the scene.  The accident happened so fast Ron panicked when he heard it and looked forward, locked up his brakes and hit the back end of the car, rolling on the pavement and was later treated for road rash.  I was unconscious on the scene.  My motorcycle had continued on a southbound path while my body had flown in a northerly direction, what I was later told is a sign of a severe impact.

I was transported by ambulance to Mercy Hospital.  After about two hours they informed Ron that they were unable to handle my injuries at that location and that I might loose my leg.   I was flown to the trauma center at Hurley Medical Center in Flint, where Ron and our daughter arrived just in time for him to sign the permission slip for my first surgery.  They were told I might loose my foot.  Due to the skill of two phenomenal surgeons I have both my leg and my foot.  At one of my first check-ups after I was released from the hospital I was looking at the x-rays and made a comment that my leg was a mess when I arrived at the hospital.  One of the surgeons looked at me and said “You were a challenge.”

When you suffer a severe trauma the life altering impact is instant and ongoing.  While in the hospital my injuries prevented me from being able to even lift the cover off my meals when they were delivered.    Prior to my third surgery the ankle surgeon visited me in the room and placed an X on my left foot with a magic marker indicating the side for surgery.  I laughed and told him I would think the huge wrap-around brace on my left leg that ran from my thigh down the entire leg and included the foot would be indication enough.

Photo taken June 21, 2010, only four days after my transfer from the hospital to Medilodge.

Photo taken June 21, 2010, only four days after my transfer from Hurley Hospital to Medilodge.

Eventually I was cleared to leave the hospital and a list of rehabilitation facilities, which are basically combination nursing homes and medical rehabilitation, were provided.  Ron made phone calls and had a hard time finding a location to accept me.  Some considered me non-rehabilitative because I was non-weight bearing on three limbs, others considered me too young.  Finally Medilodge in St. Clair agreed to take me as a patient and I was transported there by ambulance.  The start of recovery.

Medilodge assigned appropriate occupational, physical, and speech therapists to work with me.   The speech therapist was not because of any difficulty talking, but I had suffered a slight Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and as a result was having difficulty with some cognitive processing.  I also was non-weight bearing on three limbs, my right arm had suffered a severe dislocation and was in a brace that immobilized it, and we later discovered the right shoulder was also fractured.  My left hand was in a cast for what was called a game-keepers fracture near the thumb.  As such both arms were non-weight bearing, I couldn’t even wheel my own wheelchair.   My other injuries included a fractured rib, fractured left hip, and my left leg had three breaks, the left ankle had two breaks.   My three surgeries were for the purpose of doing titanium implants from my left hip ball across to the center leg, then down the leg to just above the knee, from below the knee to the ankle, and then two plates and numerous screws in the ankle.

It is amazing what you can learn to do when challenged.  One of the first things my physical therapist started me on was stomach crunches, with my arms across my chest so I would not be tempted to use them for leverage.  By building my abdominal muscles I was soon able to stand up and balance using my right leg only, no pressure or assistance from my arms and no weight on my left leg.    Hold your left leg slightly off the ground, do not touch the arms of your chair and stand up and maintain your balance using only your right leg.    In a chair of the appropriate height I can still accomplish this today.  As for the stomach crunches, the last time I tried I did 25, but at one time I could easily do 50-75 non-stop.

Life at Medilodge became a daily routine of learning things, building my strength and as soon as one task was accomplished, beginning to work on the next.  Once my left hand was cleared to bear weight I learned to operate my wheelchair with my left hand and right foot.  Then my right arm was cleared and I could now do two-handed wheelchair operation.  I had enjoyed the sedate life enough, and if the hallway was clear I would roll my wheelchair as fast as I could to the end, then grab the wheels quickly to slow enough to make the corner.  Small thrills in an environment where most people were at least thirty years older than I was.

Once both arms were able to bear weight I was taught to use an old fashioned metal walker, hopping while holding my left leg up and not putting any weight on it.  The leg was in a full brace that weighed 5 lbs.  How do I know this?  Because my therapist had her hand under my foot and thought I was putting weight down.  I told her it had to be the weigh of the brace so we had me sit and put my foot portion on a scale – 5 lbs!   Once I had mastered climbing platform steps with the walker and could go a fair distance down the hall with the walker it was time to evaluate me going home.

The therapists that worked with me did a home inspection where they noted changes that would have to make so that it was safe for me to come home.  Ron had to build several platform steps 4″ high and large enough for me and my walker to hop up and down going in and out of the house.  All throw rugs had to come off the floor and furniture had to be rearranged to allow my wheel chair and walker to traverse through various parts of the home.   Our over the range mounted microwave was considered unsafe for me to operate so  counter top microwave was purchased for me to use.  A hospital bed was ordered for our front room because I was not yet weight bearing on the leg and unable to climb the flight of stairs to our upper level bedroom.    These are just a few of the adjustments that were made to the home to accommodate my needs.  Once I got home additional re-arranging was done so that my computer, printer, and various other items I used on a regular basis became fixtures on our kitchen table and counters.

Photo taken September 11, 2010, about three weeks after I was discharged from Medilodge.  Much improved but still a long way to go.

Photo taken September 11, 2010, about three weeks after I was discharged from Medilodge. Much improved but still a long way to go.

I left Medilodge and returned home August 17, 2010, but my recovery was still not complete.  I would have another year of physical therapy, doctor appointments for my leg and ankle, and a ENT for vertigo that developed as a result of the accident.  In September 2010 I was cleared to put weight on the leg as pain tolerated.  By January 2011 I was walking “heavy” on a 4-prong cane.  It was not until April 2011 that I began slowly climbing the steps to our upper level, and it was also April 2011 that I began driving again.  By spring 2012 I was completely off the cane.  During the period of my recovery Ron handled all household duties, assisted in my wound care, drove me to all my doctor and therapy appointments, plus drove me to college twice a week,  staying all day and coming to the room at the end of each class to transport my books from location to location.    An accident does not just alter the life of the person injured, it also alters the life of those around them who assist in their care.

Even with all those challenges, I managed to graduate Summa Cum Laude from Baker College with my Associates Degree on schedule , and was also awarded the honor of Outstanding Student.   The internship I had to do to complete my degree evolved into a full time Paralegal position that I continue to hold today.  This is now the four-year anniversary of my accident, and it is only in the past few months that I have had a harder time accepting the impact the accident is having on my life and abilities.

I had continued to improve physically until the summer of 2013 when I began having trouble with my ankle swelling severely, sometimes bad enough to require the use of my cane.  A trip to my ankle surgeon revealed that from the severe impact of the accident my ankle has developed degenerative arthritis, meaning that it will continue to deteriorate and at some point will become severe enough to require an ankle fusion.  The reality is that I will never again be able to spend hours on my feet at special events, amusement parks, the zoo, or other similar locals without ending up with severe swelling and pain.  I can’t make mad dashes in the pouring rain from building to car.  I have to ascend and descend steps one step at a time, not in the normal left-right stepping motion.  These and many other things that people never really think about as they live their day-to-day lives will never again be the same for me.  Will I continue to make improvements?  I assume that in some areas I will.  I will also have more challenges and limitations over time.   On the positive side, such a life altering event can affect your outlook on life, what is important, what isn’t, and you learn to be adaptable to whatever challenge you face.

Why do I tell this story?  Because I hope to impress on people that even a moment of not paying attention can have a severe and permanent life altering impact on someone else’s life.   Please stay alert and focused.

 Have you or someone you know had a life altering experience?
Please feel free to share your experience in the comment section.

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Family, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, Uncategorized, Writing

Yesterdays Bar Pick-up

As I sat with my co-worker and other conference attendees I looked across the room.  There was a man standing at the end of the bar who appeared to be staring at me.  I resumed talking to the women I was with and then looked back and he was still looking in my direction.  Each time I looked in his direction he was still staring at me.  This was Friday, May 9, 1980 and I was sitting in Yesterday’s Bar at the Southfield Sheraton.   I was there for work, assisting at a conference.  Although it was a hotel bar, Yesterdays was obviously a popular spot.  The bar was crowded, the dance floor was full, and when I had stepped out of the bar to run back to my room for something I found a line going down the hall with people waiting to get in.

Ron and I shortly after we met -- notice the camera in his hand

Ron and I shortly after we met — notice the camera in his hand

I don’t know how long I sat there talking and glancing back at the bar, each time to find the man at the end staring in my direction.  Then I looked and he was gone.  I hadn’t seen him walk away and had no idea where he had gone.  About that same time someone asked me to dance and I took them up on the offer.  Big mistake!    I felt as if I was dancing with a chicken trying to shake the feathers off it’s wings.  As soon as the song ended I gave a quick “thanks for the dance” and escaped back to my group.

I didn’t sit for long because when the next song started I was again asked to dance, this time by the man from the bar.  Dark, nicely styled hair, full beard and mustache, wearing glasses.  I don’t know what songs were playing or how long we danced, only that the rest of the evening was spent with him.  At some point he asked how old I was and when I replied “19, how old are you?” his response was “too old.”  Ron was 28 years old.   I remember he asked me to go somewhere but it was fairly soon after we met and I refused to leave the hotel.  We ended up sitting on a couch in the lobby talking.

We were still sitting in the lobby when the bar closed down and my co-worker walked by and said she was going out to breakfast with someone she met.  Ron responded that I wouldn’t go anywhere with him, to which I replied that wasn’t true.  He asked if I had ever been to Belle Isle.  I didn’t even know what that was but I was game for an adventure.

Ron

Ron 1980

Ron drove an F150 pickup and he had to clear junk off the floor of the passenger side for me to get in.  I thought ‘ugh, messy car’.  I still say that when I get into his vehicle or when I get into mine after he has driven it.  We drove down to Belle Isle and sat along the water in his truck talking.  At some point he asked for my phone number and I presented him with a deposit slip from my checking account, giving him name, address and phone number.   I got back to the hotel at 6:00 am and had to be on the floor working at 8 AM, then made the two hour drive home from Southfield to Eaton Rapids after working the conference.

I had mentioned to Ron what time I anticipated arriving home on Saturday.   About 30 minutes after I arrived home the phone rang.  Such began daily conversations by phone.  Ron had planned to drive up to visit on Friday but unexpectedly arrived a day earlier, on Thursday.  He came over to visit (I lived with my parents), and then left to stay at a hotel somewhere even though my parents offered to let him sleep on the couch in our family room.  Friday evening Ron picked me up and we went out to the bar dancing and that night he slept on the couch at our house.  Saturday we attended to the Art Fair on the Michigan State University campus in Lansing.

Me (Grace) 1980

Me (Grace) 1980

From that point on our schedule became one of weekday phone calls and weekend visits.  Sometimes he would come up to visit, sometimes I would drive down and stay with him, and sometimes we traveled.    Ron was a photographer even back then and I slowly learned to take photos with a Nikon SLR rather than my Kodak Pocket 110.  We attended art shows, festivals, nature areas, and occasionally traveled.  Ron took tons of photos of anything and everything.  It has been 34 years since he asked me to dance.     What are we doing now?  Attending art shows, festivals, nature areas, and and traveling on occasion, and we both take tons of photos of anything and everything.   All because of Yesterdays Bar pick-up.

 

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