Category Archives: children

Keep the Magic

Think back to when you were a child and the magic that Christmas held.  The excitement and anticipation of a visit from Santa.  The traditions that went with the season.

Remember getting toy wish books?  Once they arrived my sister and I would pour over them for hours, looking, looking again, and writing out lists of what we wanted for Christmas.  Inevitably the list was lengthy and mom would say we needed to shorten it down…the agony of it all!  children-become-a-child-at-christmas

Traditions of the holiday stand out in my mind.  Making Christmas cookies and decorating them, followed by eating them for breakfast as we opened gifts.  Decorating the house was always fun.   In the early years we would trudge through the snow at a Christmas tree farm to find the perfect tree, which Dad would then saw down.  Of course they always looked smaller in the woods then they did in the living room.  One year Mom kept saying the trees were too small.  The “perfect” one had to be sawed considerably shorter after Dad brought it in the house, not to mention the fact that it was so big around it stuck out about one-third of the way into the living room from the corner where it stood.  It was huge!

Dad would put the tree into a stand and then we would have to let it sit for 24 hours to let the branches “drop” as the tree warmed up.  After that the decorating could begin…lights, ornaments, garland, and icicles.  The tree decorating was usually stretched out over several days, as we were in school and Mom also worked during the day.  Evenings were spent viewing the tree, seeing a spot in need of an ornament and then finding the perfect one to fit that area.    magic-of-christmas-when-children-are-around

When Hallmark began their dated ornaments Mom started a tradition of purchasing a dated ornament for my sister and I every year.  Those were wonderful to have as we got married and moved out and many of those oldies hang on my tree every year.  When I had kids I kept the tradition, purchasing each of them a dated ornament every year…something I continue to do even now when they are 28 and 32 years old.  Of course I also purchase one every year for each of my grandchildren.  My daughter has also tried to maintain the tradition with her children.

Christmas morning when growing up was always fun.  The discovery of wrapped gifts under the tree.  Going through our Christmas stockings to see what small hidden treasures were there.  Then of course spending the rest of the day playing with new games, reading new books.  Enjoying a day of family fun.

Over time childhood moved into teen years, and we no longer believe.  Gifts become more useful.  Then we become adults and Christmas is nice, but something is missing, at least for a while.  All good things come to an end…or do they?

magic-light-in-a-childs-eyeEventually we get married, have children, and the fun starts again.  This time we hold the magic and enjoy watching a child’s eyes sparkle with excitement when they talk about their Christmas wishes, Santa Clause and the fun of the holiday activities.  We relive the magic through the eyes of our children.

Too soon our children grow, become teens, grow into adults and move out on their own and Christmas once again lacks the magic, at least for a little while.  Then the grandchildren are born and the cycle begins again.

No matter how old you are, keep the magic.  If you have no children or grandchildren, go where there are children.  Watch the lines for Santa, volunteer at organizations that cater to children, work at a toy give-away,  contact charity organizations and volunteer your services.   Keep the magic alive.

Keep the Spirit * Keep the Magic
Look at Christmas through the eyes of a child

belive-in-the-magic-of-christmas

 

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Filed under celebration, children, events, Family, grandchildren, Holidays, kids, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir

GRANDCHILDREN GIGGLES

Grandchildren have a way of making you giggle.  They have an innocent thought process that is blunt, entertaining, and enlightening all at the same time.  They are energizing and exhausting with non-stop movement and questions.  This past Sunday I had the pleasure of spending the day with two of my grandchildren for thirteen hours, of which the last five hours also included their brother.

Alexandria is 18 months old and constantly on the move.  She doesn’t talk; she grunts and points then nods yes or no.  She doesn’t play with toys.  It is more fun to explore and get into things she shouldn’t.  A cup of water is great for drinking.  However when grandma isn’t looking it is much more fun to pour it out on the kitchen floor and sit beside it, splashing in the mini inside puddle that has been created.

Why would brother want the track to his train to remain put together?  Does he really need all the parts of the train?  Apparently not, at least as far as Alexandria is concerned.  Gee Grandma, all the stuff you had in that box you expected to stay there?  I thought it would look much better dumped out all over the floor.

Hey, you know that neat round end table that holds your lamp?  Did you know I fit inside and it can hide me too?  Yep, doesn’t bother me a bit to climb inside and close the door.  Oh by the way, just because I sit in my high chair and put the tray over myself doesn’t mean I am hungry.  It just means I want to watch you prepare my food and give it to me so I can take two bites and be done.  You thought it meant more?

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Alexandria climbed into her high chair and put the top over her lap. Photo by Grace Grogan. Copyright 2016.

Now Corbin, who is five is a bit more independent and forthcoming with what he wants and needs.  And for heaven sake, don’t forget to lock the bathroom door or you may have company.  When the door burst open I told him I was going potty and he isn’t supposed to enter.  “But I needed to tell you something.”

Corbin likes playing a food game on the pad and showing me what he has made.

Me:  “You made yourself a hamburger?”

Corbn:  “No, I made it for a human”

Me:  “You’re a human”

Corbin:  “No, I’m just a kid.  I’m not big enough to be a human.  I’m just a little kid.”

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Alexandria climbed into her high chair and put the top over her lap. Photo by Grace Grogan. Copyright 2016.

Then he looks at my wall in the TV Room.  “Hey, where did the picture of the train go?”

Me:  ” It is on the wall by the front door”

Corbin:  “Why isn’t it on that wall?”

Me:  “I moved things around so I would have something different to look at.”

Corbin then runs to the front to make sure I haven’t lied about the location of the train photograph.  Then returns.

Corbin:  “No.  The train needs to be on that wall so I can see it.”  He can see it where I moved it to, he just can’t see it continuously when sitting on the couch, and Corbin loves trains.

And so went my day.  Then around 5:30 pm Austin, who is 10, was dropped off at my house.  As long as both pads were working and I kept the TV on a kids movie things were relatively quiet.  However they are brothers.  Peace can only last so long, especially when the younger one is a tease.   I did manage to keep the war zone at a fairly peaceful level for the next five hours, thanks to battery chargers.

As the day moved into evening Corbin looked at me and said “I think my mother forgot to come home.”  I assured him she had not forgotten.  It was just taking her longer than she thought.  When my daughter called to give me an update on her progress in getting back to pick the kids up I put Corbin on the phone so she could tell him she would be there soon.  Corbin’s response “okay, but I’m playing a game on the pad” and he handed the phone back to me.  So much for concern!

Then it gets dark.  Austin used to stay overnight with us all the time, but Corbin has never gone somewhere and spent the night without his mother and/or brother with him.    Not long before my daughter arrived to pick the kids up Corbin looked at me.  “I’m ready to go home now, Its dark and I don’t like to sleep other places.”

My daughter arrived to pick them up at 10:30 pm.  It was a fun day.  It was an exhausting day.  After they left I sat down in the chair for what I intended to be a 10 minute rest and woke up at 11:40 and went to bed.

When I think back over my day there is a song lyric playing in my mind:   The Mr. Mom song, remember it?  “Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer, crayons go up one drawer higher, rewind Barney for the 16th time, breakfast six, naps at nine.  There’s bubble gum in the baby’s hair, sweet potatoes in the lazy chair…been busy all week long, and it’s only Monday Mr. Mom.”

Exhausting as it was, I will always do it again, if for nothing more than the fun of grandchildren giggles.

 

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Filed under children, Family, grandchildren, home, kids, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, play

Why do we have to play fair?

In my local newspaper this week there was a comic posted that said “and for those who did not graduate today…Please step to the stage to receive your Certificate of Participation.”

Sadly, that is what this country is coming to.  Those who achieve are not given proper recognition because it might hurt the feelings of those who did not achieve.

Earlier this month I learned about a Texas high school that would not allow students to wear their National Honor Society stoles during graduation. This is an honor, those students worked hard to achieve those honors and deserve the recognition.  What was the schools reason for banning the stole?  Administration was fearful that other students might feel excluded.EPSON MFP image

Hello world!  If you do not do the work to achieve then you should be excluded.  That is life!  That is reality!  How can we expect people to lead balanced, productive lives if they never learn that life isn’t fair.  Sometimes you win, sometimes you loose.  Regardless of what happens you continue to move forward and improve yourself.  You struggle, you push forward, you cope.

This is not a new thought process.  It began years ago.  When I was in school not everyone made the sports teams, not everyone won the spelling bee, not everyone was in the speedy readers group.  Some people just weren’t good enough.  If you participated in an activity some people got ribbons for winning, some people got nothing.  That was the way it was and we all knew it.  Whatever you were doing some received recognition for being the best, some people sat on the sidelines with a dream of someday achieving great things as well.  Dreams.  Goals.  Striving for a better future.

Then somewhere along the line people decided that wasn’t fair.  Every child should have the opportunity to be on the team.  Every child should be recognized for their participation.  Everyone should receive a special certificate, not just a chosen few.    It has to be fair, no one should feel left out.  No one should feel they have underachieved.

fair getting what need to be successfulHave we really done those children a favor?  I don’t believe so.  If a child never learns that sometimes life isn’t fair, that sometimes you win and sometimes you loose and that is okay, how can they learn to cope with the realities of life when they become an adult.  They don’t.  I think that is why we have so much violence, so many underachievers.  They never learned to push for the top.  It has been handed to them every step of the way.

I realize that there are some people who simply do not have the ability to achieve greatness.  They may have developmental disabilities, they may be physically impaired, That is okay.  People are different.  Don’t hand them a sympathy ribbon.  Let them compete at their own level with others on the same plateau they are and let them achieve greatness within a group of their own peers.  This will help them learn to work toward a goal and obtain recognition for hard work.

If we go back to letting children experience wins and losses they will learn to cope with life.  They will learn to set goals and improve themselves.  They will have more self-worth than they have by constantly receiving a token certificate of recognition.   Don’t they deserve that?  I think they do.

 

 

 

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Filed under children, Coping, decisions, education, Family, kids, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, parents, reality, school

Maybe On Thursday

DSC_8302Anyone who has spent time with young children will agree.  They are energetic, exhausting, non-stop movement, and most of all entertaining.  They will fill your world with knowledge you didn’t know was out there and if nothing else will bring a smile to your face.  In my case this week it was two of my grandchildren that filled the bill.DSC_8278

Tuesday morning I watched my 17 month old granddaughter and five year old grandson for a few hours while their parents went to an appointment.  Corbin, at five, is full of information and never fails to provide some tidbit that has its own unique quality.  Alexandria is a typical toddler who is full of energy, constantly moving, and plays with everything except her toys.

DSC_8310After they were dropped off Corbin immediately informed me that he brought Sissy with him so he would have someone to play with.  I guess “play with” is objectionable as he seemed to spend an equal amount of time complaining about her, and i don’t think he ever played with her.  Alexandria did tear apart the train track, steal the train signs, steel hot wheels cars, drink all of Corbin’s water, and more.

DSC_8267For the most part Corbin takes it all in stride.  After all, he knows how she came to be in his life.  You see Alexandria was growing in mommy’s tummy and a doctor had to cut her out because it wasn’t good.  When mommy ate Sissy took all the food.   Now I must say that is pretty good logic coming from the mind of a five year old.  Besides, I’m sure there are a lot of pregnant women out there who feel like the baby is taking all their food when they eat.

DSC_8335As I mentioned, Alexandria tore apart the railroad track and Corbin wasn’t able to get it back together.  That was never my area of expertise, my husband Ron always handled it, but since he passed in December it is one of those duties that now falls to me.  I worked my way behind the table to the spot where three pieces of track were separated.  As I was working I kept hearing a dinging noise, until Corbin said “you’re pushing on the RR Crossing sign.”    I wondered where the sound was coming from!DSC_8270

I worked and got the three pieces of track put back together.  I did feel a certain amount of accomplishment since getting them lined up and connected without accidentally tearing it apart elsewhere was a bit tricky.  When I finally got it done Corbin said “Good job!  I knew you could do it.”  Five year old grandsons are great for the ego!

DSC_8356And so our morning went, flying by quickly as it goes.  I did take a look at Corbin’s hands and told him he needed to go wash them.  Corbin’s response “No, maybe on Thursday.”  When I told him they needed to be clean for school Corbin responded that he isn’t going to school, he has to stay with me for forty-five days.   Yep, that was his plan and he never even told me.  Isn’t it nice to know there is a plan in place should the need arrive?

 

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Filed under children, Family, grandchildren, kids, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir

Human Trafficking – closer to home than you think

Often when we hear news about something that is tragic we turn the other cheek, for those horrible things often happen in areas that are not near us or are removed enough that we feel we are safe.  What happens when you find out that you and/or your loved ones may not be safe?  Your sense of well-being is disturbed.

This is what happened when I found out about human trafficking in Michigan.  I feel safe in the area where I live and was shocked to find out that human trafficking is a very real concern for this area due to our close proximity to the border.  We always think something may happen to someone else, but not us.  Horrible things happen in other countries, but not ours…at least that is what we want to believe.

I was shocked to learn that Michigan is one of the top spots in the United States for human trafficking.  What was even more surprising was to learn that Michigan ranks no. 2 in the country for human trafficking in the sex trade. No. 1 is Nevada. Two of the things that make Michigan a primary spot is our close proximity to Canada and our waterways. They help make the exploitation of vulnerable persons in this state a lucrative business.

Human trafficking is modern day slavery. Force, fraud, and coercion to control are used to elicit commercial sexual acts, labor or service. Sex is conducted through brothels, escort services, fake massage businesses, and strip clubs. Labor is used in domestic work, small businesses, large farms and factories.

Human trafficking takes place in all fifty states and Washington DC. It is a highly lucrative trade. There are high profits and it is low risk. It is one of the most profitable criminal industries worldwide. As of June 30, 2015 there were 2,084 cases of sex trafficking nationally, and an estimated 1.5 million total victims of human trafficking in North America.  The going rate for humans on the global market is $90.00. Humans are sold and re-sold, yielding a nice profit for those in the business.

Labor trafficking is found in agriculture, manufacturing and construction jobs. Victims work in fields, factories, are denied their rightful earnings and live and/or work in deplorable conditions. Sex trafficking is found at Michigan truck stops, hotels and special events.  Victims are offered as sex toys at temporary brothels, sporting events, conventions, and large gatherings.

Teens and runaways are especially vulnerable. They are often enticed by promises of love, affection, and gifts. Guerilla tactics are also used, meaning violence, threats, and consequences if they do not comply with orders.   We must protect our youth from becoming victims of this crime. Educate them on the risks. Make sure they are aware of the tactics used to lure them in. This is a very real crime taking place in our own backyard. We need to take control and eliminate the risk to save our youth.

The National Human Trafficking Resource Center is open 24 hours per day, 7 days a week and can take calls in over 200 languages. They can be reached at 888-373-7888 or traffickingresourcecenter.org.

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Filed under children, communication, decisions, Life is a Melting Pot, Michigan, mind, parents

Good Things and Goals

We rang in 2016 about 48 hours ago.  As goes with this time of year, many out there have posted their New Year’s Resolutions, and most will falter on completing them.   Why make resolutions when you can commit to Good Things and Goals?

In January 2015 I decided to do a “Good Things” Jar.  This is a jar that whenever something nice happens, it can be something as simple as a beautiful sunset to something much more complicated, but whatever it is it is something good that happened to you.  Jot it down on a piece of paper, date it, and drop it into the jar.  IMG_1574

The official instructions tell you to open the jar on New Year’s Even and read all the notes that you have in it, then put them back into the jar and save it so you can always pull those notes back out in the future if you choose.  I did a modified version of those instructions.

I filled my jar with lots of good things, which was a double bonus because it was also the last year my husband was alive.  What I did is on New Year’s Day I opened up my jar and took out and re-read all those notes and attached them to scrapbook pages with a few photos to add points of interest.  I am now re-using my empty jar for 2016.

IMG_1567I also decided that rather than have New Year’s Resolutions I am going to have monthly goals.  I will re-set my goals each month, and they can be repeating goals or things that are new.  What this does is provides short-term focus, mini accomplishments and the ability to re-evaluate the goals on a monthly basis to assist with motivation.  DSC_4892

My start-up goals for the month of January are to follow my diet beginning on Monday, January 4th, work on organizing my house at least three times a week with a minimum of two hours each session.  Clear the area around my exercise machine so I can use it, read at least three books per month and work on photographs (processing, uploading, etc.) at least once a week, and work on the preparations for the Celebration of Life in honor of my husband at least two times a week.

 

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Filed under Activities, children, habit, hobbies, Holidays, Life is a Melting Pot

Reflections at Christmas Time

This year will be different.  Christmas will be eighteen days after my husband, Ron, passed away.  I am still adjusting but overall have my head wrapped around it and am gradually moving forward with what will now be my “new normal” life.

I’m not having a problem, at least not now, with the idea that Ron will not be with us on Christmas day.  That day will play out almost like normal.   Time will tell, and the times when people aren’t here may be more difficult than when I have people here as a distraction.   In the meantime preparations have kept my mind distracted, decorating, wrapping gifts, and planning meals.

What I am finding is it is the little things you hear, or find, that can really hit the emotions.  Two or Three weeks before Ron passed two boxes arrived that said Precious Moments, I am a collector.  Ron told me not to open them, they were for Christmas.  He put them up in our bedroom closet and that is where they sat.  I went to get them and place them under the tree.  I will open them on Christmas Day and see what is in them.  I knew they were there so it was not an emotional situation, at least not until I saw a green plastic bag containing a box on top of them.  I looked inside and Ron had purchased a Christmas ornament while out west that he probably planned to give me at Christmas.  It was hand crafted metal works in the design of a motorcycle.  Ron knew that even now, five years after my accident, I still miss riding.  Discovery of the ornament and the emotional connection of his understanding that I still feel the loss of an activity I enjoyed came through that one Christmas ornament and hit me.

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A motorcycle ornament Ron purchased out west and had hidden with Christmas gifts. 

Little things impact you, and make you wonder why.  I put both pair of Ron’s eyeglasses into their case.  Then I stood there holding the case and had a hard time walking it over and tucking it onto the desk.  Why boxing up his glasses had such an emotional impact one can only wonder, but it did.

Small connections with people or comments they make can take you by surprise.  A a dental appointment last week a couple of the dental hygienists asked how Ron was doing.  One of them,. Patty, got teary eyed when I told her Ron had died.  Patty has been cleaning Ron’s teeth since around 1974 when he got out of the service and his mother told him to schedule a dental appointment because there was a cute new hygienist there.

There are other people I have talked to who when told of Ron’s passing said he used to talk about me all the time, that he was proud of me, that he was always talking about what I did, if I outscored him on photo competitions, and more.  I never knew he did that all the time.  People he had no need to share that with.    Then my mind questions whether I did equally as well for him.  Did I support him as well as he supported me?  I hope so, but the mind still ponders over it.

I am learning to do things I’ve never done, or rarely done in 34 years because Ron always handled them.  I have done the banking, paid bills, called the CPA for advise, and will be meeting the financial adviser for the first time ever.  I have done minor things such as take the trash out, bring in the mail, change a light bulb, and clean out the frig.

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Ornament given to me by Blue Water Hospice after Ron passed.

I know in the future I will encounter additional challenges, things I have never done.  If something breaks down I will have to call a repairman, when the cars need oil changes I will have to schedule appointments and get it taken care of.   I know furnaces need to have their filters changed, but when and how?   I don’t even know how to change the gas tank on our grill.  My “new normal” is a learning experience.  I hope I live up to the challenge.

So as we approach Christmas Day I reflect on the past.  Christmases of the past, New Year’s of the past, trips we have taken, traditions we held.   I will continue to hold those things dear as I forge ahead into building a new, different, life for myself.

 

 

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Filed under celebration, children, Coping, decisions, Discoveries, Family, Festivals, habit, Holidays, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, reality

Everyone Makes Mistakes

Everyone Makes MistakesWhen I saw this quote I knew I had to write about it.  It seems like today’s society is unwilling to forgive those who step outside the boundaries.  This happens to children when they are still very young and impressionable.  Even at a very young, vulnerable, age adults in their lives, usually teachers, adult family friends, members of their church, etc. will berate them if they falter.

A child’s mistake can be anything from forgetting to put on socks, messing up the freshly cleaned family areas of the home, getting into a fight at school, or committing some type of crime.  The child makes a mistake, deals with the consequences, and at this point life should go on, but it doesn’t.

The next time something goes wrong other children blame that child, because they know he/she will be an easy target.  If they faltered once, the adults will believe they have done it again.  The sad part is, when that repeatedly happens the child begins to feel they can do nothing right.  If a child is continuously blamed for everything that goes wrong, then eventually they will learn that no matter how hard they try, it simply isn’t going to matter because everyone will blame them for anything that happens anyway.

When a child, teen, or adult realizes that no matter what they do they will never be able to dig themselves out of a hole in which they are continually assumed to be at fault, they will eventually give up trying.  In addition to trying, they may begin to live up to the expectations of failure that are continuously being placed on them.

Now think about society.  People have lost their compassion, their value of human life.  Teens and adults become frustrated and take that frustration out by using guns to create mass murders.  It isn’t the gun’s fault, and maybe it isn’t even the child/teens fault.  It could be that society’s attitude has put that child/teen into a bad place, created someone that is unable to cope and feels like a failure.

Society needs to change.  People need to learn how to show compassion and understanding, how to give forgiveness.  People need to learn to accept those who are different, forgive those who falter, and move forward with a positive approach to everything.  That is how we fix what has gone wrong within our society.

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Living The Quote

We see them on Facebook.  Those little “images” of quotes that make you laugh, smile, or remind you of something about yourself or others you know.    I love those quotes.  I will spend time searching for them on various topics, saving them so I can repost them later.     Here are a few thoughts, quote style.

Trip over nothingI was born a klutz, there is no other explanation and as a result this quote fits me perfectly.  I can live in a house for years yet forget where the walls are and walk right into them.  I even walked into a clear glass window at the mall one time, thinking it was the exit from a store.  Just like in a TV show, full force impact with the glass, glass shakes, people stare, I feel stupid.

I even fell at my own wedding.  I stepped down from the alter, put my foot into the hoop of my wedding gown and although my husband tried to hold me up, it was useless and I went to my knees.  Luckily I am the type of person that laughs when embarrassed, so those wedding pictures of me coming down the isle show a huge laughing smile.Friends - best friends - don't talk every day but when do its as if you never stopped

I have a best friend who fits this quote perfectly.  We live three hours apart and maintain our friendship through occasional get-togethers or phone calls, but the majority of our contact is via email.  We became friends in 1978 and have had periods in which contact was almost non-existent, but when we re-connected it was great and we were not at a loss for words.

Photography - a love affair with lifeMy husband and I are both photographers, and anything and everything is a photo subject.  I believe photographers do have a love for life, and the ability to see beyond what the average person sees.

A non-photographer will take a walk down a path and enjoy the view and nature.  The photographer will walk that same path and find small, overlooked objects to photograph.  Fungus on a tree, moss on a log, spiders spinning webs or butterflies on weeds.  Photographers have a keen eye for seeing what others pass by.  I have started out on paths with people I know, but they ended up far ahead of me because I kept stopping to take pictures.  A lot of the items I captured with my camera they admitted they never noticed.

nothing is really lost till mom can't find itMoms have the ability to locate the lost, misplaced, items of life.  When my kids were young I would get a call at work, “mom, where is my __________?”  You know what the amazing thing is — I usually knew!  Why is it they are in the room and/or building where they item they lost is at, but I can find it through a telephone wire faster than they can find it standing in its location?  Why? Because I’m a mom!

walk in my shoes and end up at barMy husband and I have endured many things throughout our 33 year marriage.  Some people know what we have encountered, others have no clue.  When I met him he was in the midst of a very nasty divorce, we went through an entire custody trial regarding his daughter, we raised two children with ADHD, children who got into legal trouble, a severely injured grandchild and the dealings with CPS and DHS that followed, our son’s termination of his parental rights, our attempt to adopt our two granddaughters and the battle with DHS, health issues, and multiple other things.  A friend once said when you read my Christmas newsletters you have no idea the turmoil that is brewing beneath the surface.  I think the quote “walk a mile in my shoes” should be taken to heart with anyone you deal with, because you may not really know what they are coping with below the surface.motorcycle - you haven't lived till grin and bug

I used to ride motorcycle, until an unfortunate accident five years ago  made that impossible.  I do miss it though, and I think people that have never ridden do not understand what they are missing.  it is an intense sense of freedom and relaxation that cannot be met my any other means.  I must say this quote reminds me of the times when I have captured a bug in my throat — and why is it always when cruising down an expressway at 70 mph, never on a surface street where you can stop and force it down with some water out of a saddle bag.    Swallowing bugs is just one of the side “benefits” of riding motorcycle that does not accompany other fun activities.

I can’t believe I have already shared six quotes, and there are so many more I would like to share that fit into my life.  They will have to be saved for another time and place.  However I do want to remind my readers of my favorite quote, the one that hangs on the wall in my house, the one on which this entire blog is based.Life is like a camera

Never forget that Life is like a camera.  The quote that hangs on my wall of this saying is accompanied by photographs that depict each statement, and the display can be seen on this website.  Simply click on the link Life is Like A Camera to view it.

Quotes - Life Isn't about Quotes about lifeIf all else fails, search through quotes and find one that fits your life, makes you smile, or stirs a memory.  After all, there are quotes about everything, including the fact that Life isn’t about Quotes About Life — or is it????

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Learning to Live in a Language Based World

I am not a big fan of “Awareness” months, but I am going to make an exception.  I have a 9-year old grandson, Austin, who has Autism Spectrum Disorder.  When I was in college a few years back I was required to write a paper for an English and Culture class.   I chose to write about the difficulties people with Autism endure as they typically struggle with both social skills and communication.  Autism is a spectrum disorder, no two people are the same.  Each person is unique in which areas they are most challenged and to what degree.

Austin is doing well.  He is in a special needs class in second grade.  He is learning to read and has greatly expanded his ability to communicate and express needs since I wrote the paper.  What people need to understand is that although people with Autism have learning difficulties, they are intelligent people who are misunderstood and frequently have their abilities underestimated.  The trick is figuring out what needs to be done to communicate and get the message across to them.

I hope you will take the time to read the article I have posted below.  I would love to hear from those who deal with people who are autistic, people who themselves are autistic, or anyone who has read and learned about the struggles these people encounter in their every day lives.

Learning to Live
in a Language Based World

Imagine you need something but are unable to formulate the words to express your needs. How do you get someone’s attention? How do you communicate your wishes? This is the frustration a person with autism spectrum disorder deals with their entire life.

Cultures throughout the world are based on verbal communication and social interactions. A person with autism struggles to learn language, has difficulty holding a conversation, and lacks social skills. The inability to communicate can leave a person feeling lonely and isolated. An autistic person’s ability to live successfully in a language based world requires them to adjust to living outside their comfort zone. To help people with autism accomplish that goal, society needs to develop an understanding and compassion for the needs, feelings, frustrations and learning style of people with autism spectrum disorder.

As many as thirty percent (30%) of people with autism are unable to speak (Apps for Autism, 2011). Children with autism are found to have hyper-acute hearing that creates an inability to filter out and properly process ordinary everyday sounds. Buzzers, alarms, a dishwasher running, a lawn mower being used, and all the other miscellaneous sounds that the average brain filters out may sound as if they are on a super high volume and jumbled together to the autistic person.

The inability to properly process auditory input results in an inability to understand the meaning of words, an inability to express needs and wants, and a lack of social skills that leaves the autistic person feeling detached and unconnected to “normal” people (Notbohm, 2005). As Temple Grandin, who is autistic, said “There’s nothing more frustrating than not being able to communicate” (Valentine, 2006, para. 11).

Ellen Notbohm, author of Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew, stated “The ability to communicate, whether through spoken language, pictures, signing/semaphore or assistive technology, is bedrock” (2005, pp. xvii-xviii). “Words are the essential building blocks of spoken communication…” (McGregor, 2008, para 2). A child who lacks social skills, including the ability to read body language and facial expressions, finds communicating and fitting into society very difficult. The autistic child often stands out in society as a social oddball (Notbohm, 2005).

Children with autism are considered social outcasts because they lack the ability to communicate verbally and display behaviors that help them cope within their environment. People make negative assumptions that a child with autism is unwilling to cooperate, temperamental, and lacking in intelligence. Autistic children are known for their “meltdowns”. A meltdown is an autistic child’s manner of communicating to the outside world that there is something wrong. The child can be hungry, thirsty, cold, tired, or any other range of things. The adult has to figure out what the trigger to the meltdown is because the child is unable to express their need. It is important to remember that behavior is a way of communicating, and that a child who lacks verbal skills is unable to tell you what is wrong (Notbohm, 2005).

As the grandmother of an autistic child I have witnessed meltdowns and how they can easily be remedied by analyzing what the trigger is. Meltdowns in public can be exceptionally frustrating when people who do not know the child feel free to make rude, insulting remarks about their behavior. When my grandson, Austin, was two years old I was trying to put him into his car seat and he was arching his back, crying and kicking. “All behavior is communication” and “all behavior happens for a reason” (Notbohm, 2005, pp. 21, 22).

Austin’s behavior was because he hadn’t said goodbye to grandpa, who had ridden to the park in a different vehicle. Austin’s behavior confused me; what upset me was a man parked beside us. As I lifted Austin out of the car during the meltdown the man said very clearly “what a spoiled brat.” Looking back I wish I had taken the time to express what I thought of his rude behavior and assuming comments about a child he did not know. The man’s behavior is best summed up by Temple Grandin, “Normal people have an incredible lack of empathy…they don’t have much empathy for the autistic kid who is screaming at the baseball game because he can’t stand the sensory overload. Or the autistic kid having a meltdown…I’m frustrated with the inability of normal people to have sensory empathy.” (Valentine, 2006, para. 24 ). A child who lacks the ability to communicate normally in a social situation needs understanding and assistance. They should not have to endure insults and rejection from adults.

It is important to create circumstances where the autistic child can practice social skills with success. “Social navigation is necessary at every turn in our lives: at home, at work, at school, in our travels about the community, in our shopping, recreation and worship.” (Notbohm, 2005, p. 71) It is important to understand that fitting into society socially requires a tremendous amount of effort from the person with autism. The autistic person must learn to cope with the demands of society while trying to understand what is expected of them and using what abilities they have to make those adjustments. (Notbohm, 2005).

In Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew the seventh item on the list is “Help me with social interactions” (Notbohm, 2005, p. xxviii). A child with autism may feel lonely and left out because they lack the social skills to enter a play situation or start a conversation. They may not be able to talk to the other children and are unable to read facial expressions, body language or emotions of others. It is easy to assume the child doesn’t want to participate in activities, but what they really need is guidance on how to join the fun.

The way to successfully teach a child with autism spectrum disorder is to focus on their positive abilities. The autistic child may lack the ability to process verbal information, but they are usually very good at paying attention and are visual learners (Gordon, 2007, para. 3). The sixth item listed in Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew is “Because Language is so difficult for me, I am very visually oriented. Please show me how to do something rather than just telling me.” This is followed by the seventh item, “Please focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can’t do” (Notbohm, 2005, pp. xxvi, xxvii).

A child cannot learn and function well in an environment where they are made to feel that they are not good enough. Often peers, teachers, siblings, and relatives focus on what the child is not doing, rather than what the child’s strengths are (Notbohm, 2005). A computer can help an autistic person with both learning and social skills. The computer is not critical and has unlimited patience, allowing the child to repeat skills as needed until the task is mastered.

The Apple iPad and other tablet computers are offering special applications that allow people with autism to communicate. By using pictures or characters on the computer screen the autistic person is able to make selections and use the computer to “speak” on their behalf. The computer allows the autistic person to voice their thoughts and needs, helping them to function in society.

A 60 Minutes episode called Apps for Autism: Communicating on the iPad featured the utilization of computer applications for people with autism. The use of tablet computers was demonstrated by Joshua Hood, 27 years old, who was unable to communicate until he received the Apple iPad. Joshua is now able to go to a restaurant and use the picture apps on the iPad to order his own meal. Prior to receiving the iPad Joshua rarely looked at people, but the iPad has given him the ability to interact with others. His therapist, Tammy Taylor, said “He’s part of the community. I mean, communication is the essence of being human. And here he is, communicating fully now” (Apps for Autism, 2011).

The use of computer applications is allowing professionals to realize how intelligent people with autism are, people that were once considered to have below average intelligence. At the Beverly School in Toronto, Canada half the students are severely autistic. The impact of the iPad is demonstrated by its effect on the attention span and willingness of those children to socialize. Ten year old Nuno does not talk and was believed to have the intelligence of a toddler. An iPad vocabulary application was used to test Nuno. The school was amazed at Nuno’s vocabulary and learned that he has a love of classical music and opera (Apps for Autism, 2011).

Whether a person with autism is learning to communicate through the use of a computer or through traditional learning methods, it is important to understand the stages of their learning and the need to guide them in developing social skills. Speech and language deficiency are defining characteristics of autism spectrum disorder, but it is important to remember that each person is an individual, with their areas of difficulty and ability to learn unique to them. An awareness of whether the person is mindful of being spoken to, if they try to communicate in any form, and whether they are attempting to use speech is important. If they are talking, are they speaking naturally or are they echolalic? A child that is echolalic will repeat sounds or words that are spoken to them, which indicates that the child can perceive and articulate speech (Gordon, 2007, para. 5).

A child that is using echolalia to communicate can create the impression that they are understanding and using language in a comprehensive manner, when in reality they are not. Temple Grandin was teased as a teenager because when she talked she reused the same phrases, and kept talking without letting other people respond.

Some people with autism do not have a problem with the mechanics of language, but they do not understand the process of having a conversation (Hamilton, 2006). Echolalia are messages that are memorized from the world to compensate for language deficits. These can be groups of words they have heard people say, or phrases from TV shows or movies. The person with autism does not necessarily understand what they are saying, but they know that a specific set of words can be used to provide a reply, ask for something, protest, or deny requests (Notbohm, 2005). This was used by my grandson when he needed help. It started when Austin would need assistance on the computer, he would come up and rub a person’s hand or arm and say “sorry”. We would respond “what do you need?” and taught him to reply “help on the computer”. It wasn’t long before that memorized set of words was used for anything he needed help with, be it the computer, opening a door, or getting something from the refrigerator. “Help on the computer” was a set of words that got someone to come and give assistance.

Whether a person with autism is learning to speak, using a computer for communication, or exercising echolalia to converse, it is important to remember that “…having a means of functional communication, whatever it may be, is what’s truly essential, to any child, but even more so to the child with autism” (Notbohm, 2005, p. 42). It is also important to reward the autistic child’s efforts to communicate in a positive way. My daughter always asks Austin if he wants chicken nuggets, then she makes the decision on whether to get him just the nuggets or a happy meal. A few weeks ago she asked Austin if he wanted chicken nuggets and he said yes. When she pulled into the McDonald’s drive-thru from the backseat she heard “chicken nuggets, French fries, chocolate milk, trick-or-treat”. His statement was rewarded with a full happy meal, all the items he requested in the Halloween trick-or-treat bucket. Verbal interactions and positive results help the child learn not only the mechanics of speech, but also how to use them to function in society.

Understanding the way an autistic person processes information and the way they are best able to learn is imperative to helping them fit into their community. Whether the person is able to converse, speaks in echolalia, utilizes a computer application, or demonstrates coping behaviors, it is important to recognize and accept them as a growing, feeling, human being who is trying to adapt to the world around them. As Temple Grandin said, “normal people find it difficult to put themselves in an autistic person’s shoes and see the world from their perspective” (Valentine, 2006, para. 4). For a person with autism spectrum disorder to live successfully in a language based world, society must learn to recognize the needs, feelings and frustrations these people experience on a daily basis and make appropriate accommodations for them to function within their community.

References
*  Apps for Autism: Communicating on the iPad. (2011, October 23). 60 Minutes. New York, New York. Retrieved October 23, 2011, from http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7385686n&tag=contentmain;contentBody

*  Gordon, B. (2007, April 2). Speech and Language Problems in Autism Pectrum Disorders. Retrieved from Kennedy Krieger Institute: http://www.iancommunity.org/cs/articles/speech_and_language_problems

*  Hamilton, J. (2006, July 9). Autism Reveals Social Roots of Language. Retrieved from NPR: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5503688

*  McGregor, K. B. (2008, October 6). Learning Word Meanings. Retrieved from Kennedy Krieger Institute: http://ww.iancommunity.org/cs/articles/wordmeanings

*  Notbohm, E. (2005). Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew. Arlington, Texas: Future Horizons, Inc.

*  Valentine, V. a. (2006, July 9). Q&A: Temple Grandin on Autism & Language. Retrieved October 2011, from NPR: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5488844

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Filed under assumptions, children, Coping, decisions, disabilities, Family, grandchildren

WHEN DID STOVE TOP STUFFING OFFER A FREE MICROWAVE DISH?

Why do they have four complete sets of frying pans?  Look at all this new bake wear.  Why in the world would people who rarely ate tacos have six jars of taco sauce?

These are questions that went through the minds of my sister and I as we were cleaning out the kitchen of our parents a couple weeks ago.  The first of many trips I will be making since our father passed away in December and our mother about 19 months ago.  Obviously this is a task that is a lot of work but also good for laughs and memories.  They moved into the house in 1966 when my sister and I were young children, so we will be at this task for quite a while.

We have decided to do the distribution of property in an amicable arrangement.  If only one of us wants something it is theirs.  If both of us want the same item it goes into a group of items we will resolve later, probably by taking turns selecting from the group.  If neither of us wants something but one of our children (who are all adults) do, they get it.  We decided the kitchen and pantry would be our starting point.

Linda wanted a set of Corelle Casserole dishes.  Done.  Caroline needed a spaghetti cooker.  Done.  Carol got a complete set of cookware, looks brand new.  I took some new baking pans and a large Pyrex mix and pour.    What no one wanted we condensed into a couple cupboards for a garage sale later.  Now to tackle the food.

Stove Top Stuffing Mix with Microwave Dish.  How old could this be?

Stove Top Stuffing Mix with Microwave Dish. How old could this be?

What in the world were they thinking?  Did they do any clean outs of expired items?  Did they forget what they had purchased and buy more?  Questions we can only speculate on the answer of.    One unique find was a box of Microwave Stove-Top Stuffing Mix that included its own microwave pan.  No expiration date on the box.  Good Grief — how long ago was that purchased?

People that rarely made tacos had six jars of taco sauce.  Dad used BBQ sauce a log in his cooking, but approximately 16 bottles of the stuff seems excessive, and the list goes on.  Sadly, most of the items are expired and when the weather warms up will be hauled out and trashed

We did end up with a small collection of canned food that is still good.  My sister referred to this as my “If you get snowed in” collection because I travel from 2-1/2 hours away and stay at the house; she lives in the same town.  Nice to know that in a moment of need I have three cans of soup, some canned peaches and pears, and a few cans of wax beans.  I can only hope if it happens it is a small storm.  I may have to sustain myself on coffee and tea, of which we found an ample supply.

My Dad and a gun.  he was about 3 years old at the time.

My Dad and a gun. he was about 3 years old at the time.

Me around 1980.

Me around 1980.

My parents with my sister and I.  I'm the older daughter in the back.

My parents with my sister and I. I’m the older daughter in the back.

We did take a break by going through some old photos, both from our childhood and antique family pictures.  We both started snapping pictures of the pictures with our cell phones and sharing them on our individual Facebook pages.  Fun memories and a great way to end what was the first of many trips to come.

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Filed under children, death, decisions, Family, sisters

It All Began In The Cherry Capitol of the World

From the Cherry Capitol of the World to the place with the world’s highest ski jump, a quick stop in Portage Michigan, then to an Island City, from there to a home where the city name changed three times and finally the place of the world’s longest board walk on a very busy shipping channel.  Have you ever thought about the places you have lived in your lifetime?  That first sentence gives a brief overview of mine.  I was thinking about it one day.  I have lived in some pretty interesting and unique places in my lifetime.

Traverse City Cherry Trees an Grand Traverse Bay in the background.  Photo obtained online.

Traverse City Cherry Trees an Grand Traverse Bay in the background. Photo obtained online.

The Cherry Capitol of the World, Traverse City, is where I was born. My genealogy includes the Lautner family who were some of the original settlers of the area.    My paternal grandmother was a Lautner, she grew up on part of the original Lautner Settlement on M-72 in a home built by her father when she was six years old.  She lived in that same home until her late 80’s when she placed herself into assisted living.  When I was growing up we traveled to Traverse City often, staying with my grandparents and visiting other relatives.  We rarely did any of the tourist stuff, the one exception being the National Cherry Festival, which happens every July in Traverse City.  Special parades every day,carnival, and of course farmers selling fresh cherries in small stands everywhere you go.  If you have never visited the Traverse City area I recommend you spend some time there.  From the lighthouses on Old Mission Peninsula and Leelenau Peninsula, the Casinos, Grand Traverse Bay, and more, it is a beautiful area.

This past summer I visited the town where my parents moved to when I was a toddler, Iron Mountain, Michigan.  Located in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula about midway across, this small historic town sits right on the border of Wisconsin and is home to the word’s highest artificial ski jump.  Pine Mountain Ski Jump has a scaffold that is 186 feet high and the length of the slide is 381 feet.  You can climb the stairs to the base of the jump or drive a winding road to the top of the hill for a spectacular view.   This is also the location of the Upper Peninsula Veterans Memorial Site, dedicated in 2006.  This memorial honors those from all 15 counties of the Upper Peninsula who served in Vietnam, Lebanon-Granada, the Gulf War, Korea, World War I and World War II.    Space has been reserved to honor those who have served in the war taking place in the middle east.   There are many things to do in the area, but one thing to remember is that the city’s name comes from the valuable iron that was found and mined in the area and a few minutes downthe road in Vulcan you can tour the Iron Mountain Iron Mine.  The mine tour lets you experience the conditions under which men worked at a time when there was no modern technology.  What they accomplished is amazing.

Pine Mountain Ski Jump, Iron Mountain, Michigan.  Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2014.

Pine Mountain Ski Jump, Iron Mountain, Michigan. Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2014.

The next stop on my list of places I have lived is Portage Michigan.  I was still young at the time, it is where I attended Kindergarten and began first grade.  Portage is close to Kalamazoo, the home of Western Michigan University and is located less than 30 miles from Battle Creek, the cereal city, home to both Kelloggs and Post cereal companies.  In preparing for this posting I learned that Portage is home to the Air Zoo which houses over 60 rare and historic aircraft.  The Air Zoo also offers indoor amusement park style rides, interactive exhibits, flight simulators and a 4D theater.    We only lived a short time in Portage before making the final move of my childhood.

In 1966  we moved to The Only Eaton Rapids on Earth, an island city located south of our state’s capitol, Lansing.  This is the town I consider my home town, residing there from the time I was six years old until I married and moved away just before my 21st birthday.  It is a unique small town with lots of local history.  Home to Miller Ice Cream, the VFW National Home and was once a booming tourist area due to mineral springs.  Eaton Rapids was founded in 1838, became a city in 1881, and is named after the youngest member ever to join the U.S. Senate, John Henry Eaton.  That and the presence of rapids in the nearby Grand River created the towns name.  It is referred to as an island city because the downtown area is completely surrounded by water.  If you pay attention when driving around town you are constantly crossing bridges everywhere you go.  Not only that, but if you live in the town you know that going to “the island” refers to an island park located near the downtown area.  The island itself is one of many Michigan Historical Sites in the town.   Another historical sight is the VFW National Home, created in 1924 when Corey J. Spencer donated a 472 acre farm to be used as a home for widows and orphans of veterans of the wars of the country.  It is the only home of its kind in the country and is still in operation today.  As a final note on the town’s second nickname, E.E. Horner, while President of Horner Woolen Mills, was on a trip to England and wrote home with an address of only  “Eaton Rapids.”  The postcard arrived at its proper destination and the town became known as “The Only Eaton Rapids on Earth.”

Eaton Rapids Island Park as viewed from Hamlin Street foot bridge.  Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2014.

Eaton Rapids Island Park as viewed from Hamlin Street foot bridge. Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2014.

When I married I left Eaton Rapids and moved to Utica, Michigan, which is where my husband and I built our first home in 1983.  The area we built in was experiencing a lot of growth and over the years city boundaries were adjusted and changed so that our house began as part of Utica, became part of Mount Clemens, then Macomb.

Utica is located in Macomb County and was originally platted in 1829.  The city suffered fires in 1905 and 1906 so only has a few buildings prior to those dates.

Mount Clemens is also a town in Macomb County and was first surveyed in 1795 by Christian Clemens.   Christian Clemens and John Brooks platted the land, built a distillery and the area was incorporated as a village in 1851 and a city in 1879.  Mount Clemens became the county seat of Macomb County in 1818.  Mount Clemens was once a booming town well known for its mineral baths from 1873 to 1974.   Surburban expansion in the area continued and we were notified that the area we lived in was once having a city name change from Mount Clemens to Macomb.

The change to Macomb occured in the 1990’s, but the growth was so substantial that between 2000 and 2008 the population increased by 48%.  Macomb Township has no incorporated villages but has three unincorporated commnities:  Meade on the northewast portion of the township, Waldenburg in the central portion of the townships and Macomb, where we lived, in the northwest part of the township.    You may think that Macomb was created during the period of growth, but the Township of Macomb was officially approved by the legislative council on May 7, 1834 and is named in honor of General Alexander Macomb, a highly decorated veteran of the War of 1812.    A variety of factors, including the rapid expansion of the area in which we lived let us to St. Clair, Michigan.

In 2003 we left Macomb behind and purchased a house in St. Clair, Michigan.  This is a very scenic and historical area in which to vacation or reside.     The city has an extensive history and its name is believed to have been derived from three different sources.  One of those is that it honors Patrick Sinclair, who purchased land on the St. Clair River and in 1764 built Fort Sinclair.  In addition to the longest freshwater boardwalk in the world located on the beautiful St. Clair River, a busy shipping channel that runs between the United States and Canada and has more shipping traffic than the Suez Canal and Panama Canal combined, the town is home to Cargill Salt (formerly Diamond Crystal).  Diamond Crystal began operation in 1887 of a large solution salt mine and evaporation facility.  This is the only salt plant in the United States that produces Alberger salt, a special fine salt used on products such as potato chips, fast food french fries, etc.   The history of St. Clair industry is extensive, including the sawmill industry, shipbuilding, and in the late 1800s became a well-known resort with luxurious hotels offering mineral baths with passenger steam ships stopping at hotel docks on a daily basis.    Today St. Clair offers a Marina, Palmer Park, Alice Moore Center for the Arts, Alice Moore Woods, Michigan Historical Sites and a museum.   A unique place to visit and live.

Palmer Park boardwalk and St. Clair River, St. Clair Michigan.  Photo by Grace Grogan.

Palmer Park boardwalk and St. Clair River, St. Clair Michigan. Photo by Grace Grogan.

Will I someday reside in other places?  I can not be sure.  My husband and I purchased property years ago on a mountain in Tennessee, but for various reasons have determined that we will not be moving there and have put the property up for sale.  At one time we planned to become full-time RV people, living and traveling the country in our motor home.  Again, life brings changes and it is debatable whether that will ever happen.  As for now, we are residing in the beautiful Blue Water Area and enjoying our spare time as photographers, capturing everything the area has to offer and making our images available for sale at local art studios, Mercy Hospital in Port Huron, and on Fine Art America.

Where have you lived in your lifetime?  How many times have you moved?  Please share in the comment section.

 

 

 

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Filed under children, decisions, Family, home, kids, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, Michigan, parents, time, travel, Upper Penninsula

Merry Christmas

My Christmas Tree.  Photo by Grace Grogan

My Christmas Tree. Photo by Grace Grogan

Wishing Everyone a Merry Christmas.

This year we had family Christmas with my sister, her daughters and grandchildren on the 21st of December, followed by Christmas with my daughter, three grandsons and daughter’s boyfriend on Christmas Eve.  All previous years Caroline came

Caroline with her three children, Alexandria, Corbin and Austin; Linda with her two Children, Aiden and Marney.

Caroline with her three children, Alexandria, Corbin and Austin; Linda with her two Children, Aiden and Marney.

over with her kids on Christmas Day after they had opened gifts at home, but this year we had to make different arrangements.

Our oldest grandson, Austin, was leaving at 9 pm Christmas Eve to spend the rest of his Christmas vacation at his father’s house. This created a bit of a dilemma as my daughter’s boyfriend, Rob, had to work the morning of Christmas Eve, so it raised a problem with when Santa should arrive. The solution – Santa came to our house, left a note explaining why all the gifts were here and not at their house.

Corbin and Austin

Corbin and Austin

Once Rob was out of work they all came over to our house, arriving around 2 pm for pizza and gift opening. This worked out perfect as Austin was then able to go home and play his new and #1 gift wish, Skylander, before leaving to go to his dad’s for the rest of his Christmas break. Corbin, who will be 4 on the 30th of December, was thrilled with his Thomas The Train tracks, his fire engines and cars.  He is a kid that likes anything with wheels, but his number one love is trains.  Alexandria, just born on the 12th of December slept through the entire event.  She looked adorable in her “Baby’s First  Christmas” shirt sleeping away.

Ron and I waited until the gang had left before we opened our main gifts for ourselves — new Nikon D750 Cameras and gear.  Since we had no children in the house or gifts to open on Christmas morning, we were able to spend the time figuring out our new cameras and getting them programmed the way we wanted.

I hope all of you had a fun-filled Christmas celebration.

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Filed under children, Family, grandchildren, Holidays, Life is a Melting Pot

New Life

As one life ages and leaves this earth, another is born. This is the case this month in my family. The rotation of life.

My father passed away on December 3, 2014 at the age of 75 and my new granddaughter, Alexandria Louise, was born on December 12, 2014.  Coming into this world a whopping 4 lbs 15 oz and 18″ long.  She has a good set of lungs on her, which is probably a good thing as she has two older brothers with whom to compete.

A family gathering with my sister and her family will be fun this weekend.  She has two grandchildren.  Aiden is 7 years old and Marney is 5 months.  Combined with Austin who is 8, Corbin who will be 4 on the 30th of December and the newborn baby, it will be a fun, child-filled gathering.   Then on Christmas Eve my daughter will come over with her three children again for our own Christmas exchange.  Christmas is more fun with children around.

Everyone is busy now in preparation for the holidays, and in fact my next two regular posting days are Christmas Day and New Year’s Day.  I hope you will find time to check back in, but I will take this time to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  If you do not celebrate Christmas, then I hope you have an enjoyable time celebrating the appropriate holidays for whatever faith you practice.

 

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Filed under children, Family, grandchildren, home, kids, Life is a Melting Pot

Tossed Turkey and Dog Food

This year our Thanksgiving meal was unique.  We had tossed turkey and dog food.  I know, not everyone can enjoy such unusual holiday fare, but then it takes a special talent to come up with such things.

When I removed the turkey from the oven it was a picture perfect golden brown, the stuffing displayed in a perfect mound between the legs and I knew it was done because the little plastic thermometer had popped.  I asked my daughter to steady the pan while I lifted out the bird.  All was going well until the darn thing fell apart as I was lifting, so I only had half a bird as I moved it over the serving platter.  Then the inevitable happened.  Before I got the 1/2 bird placed on the platter it too fell apart, flipping around in mid air and landing upside down on the platter with its two winds spread as if in flight and displaying its ripped apart belly.  Caroline and I were laughing hysterically as I stabbed and managed to flip the bird back over.  We then tried to remove the remaining half a bird from the pan, but everything kept just falling off the bone so the other half of the platter was a jumbled mess of turkey and a mound of stuffing.  Of course everyone knew we were having a bit of an issue so when my tossed turkey was placed on the table, it was good for a laugh.  Little did we know the best was yet to come.

Corbin, who is 3 years old, took one look at that mound of stuffing on that platter and said “Dog Food, No!” and went to the other end of the table.

That announcement of his impression of my cooking got me to laughing so hard I was choking.    How can you argue with the observation of a 3 year old?  You can’t.  No matter what we said, no matter who ate what, Corbin was not going to be fooled by anyone and he was not going to eat that dog food, nor was he going to eat any meat that had been placed on the same platter as the “dog food”.  It just wasn’t happening.

Although they would never have won a Betty Crocker award for appearance, the turkey and dressing were tasty.  The mashed potatoes and gravy were a bit on the lumpy side but everything else was fine.  When the meal was over my daughter, Caroline, and her boyfriend, Rob, left Cobrin with us while they went out to begin Black Friday shopping at 4 pm on Thanksgiving Day.  While I was tackling the kitchen cleanup Ron and Corbin both fell asleep on the couch for a nap.

I knew this Thanksgiving would be a little different.  This is the first time my 8-year old grandson, Austin, would be with his father for Thanksgiving and not our family.   My husband, Ron, has been undergoing chemo and radiation for cancer of the esophagus and it has reduced his tumor enough that he was actually able to consume a small bit of dinner.    No elegant table cloth, elaborate center pieces or fancy clothes.  Just a tossed turkey and some dog food, but nonetheless a fun, memorable Thanksgiving.  Hope yours was memorable too.

 

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Filed under children, Family, food, grandchildren, Holidays, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir

Toot My Own Horn

As a writer I love putting thoughts down and sharing them. This week I am going to share two columns I recently had printed in the local paper…I’m going to toot my own horn.

It seems as if the government is getting involved in our lives more and more, taking control in areas they never have in the past. Once such area has to do with the regulation of school lunches, so I wrote a column School Food Guidelines Will Not Solve Kids’ Nutrition Problems. I am sharing it with you here both as a link and with a copy of the column posted below in case the link no longer functions, as sometimes happens with newspapers.

The other column is on a subject much more personal to me.  My grandchildren were taken by CPS, parental rights terminated and although my husband and I tried to foster and adopt our granddaughters CPS/DHS fought us all the way. That battle is the subject of a book I am writing. I recently wrote a column that Foster Care Policy Change is Modest Given the Need for Reform.

I hope you enjoy the subjects on which I have chosen to “toot my own horn”. If you have any accomplishments to share, please do in the comments section below.

Times Herald Column - Foster Care Policy Change Times Herald Column - School Food Guidelines

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Filed under Adoption, Child Protective Services, children, CPS, Department of Human Services, DHS, education, Family, food, Foster Care, grandchildren, kids, Life is a Melting Pot, lunch, nutrician, school

Haunted Past

Buffy from the TV show Family Affair and her doll Mrs. Beasley.  Photo located online.

Buffy from the TV show Family Affair and her doll Mrs. Beasley. Photo located online.

Haunted happenings are everywhere. Halloween has changed since I was a child, even since my children were young. The holiday has grown in popularity and activities leading up to it have stretched out.  This is no longer a one-night event.

I grew up in a small town. You purchased a few pumpkins and carved them with a basic jack-o-lantern face. One year my dad decided to dress ours up by using markers to paint around the carvings. I didn’t like having jack-o-lanterns that weren’t “normal” but everyone coming to our house to trick-or-treat thought they were great.

Typical costumes from the 1960's.  Photo obtained online.

Typical costumes from the 1960’s. Photo obtained online.

Costume Vinatge pic from 1960s

A vintage photo from 1960’s showing students in costume. Photo obtained from the internet.

Store bought costumes were a simple “cover” over the clothing and a plastic mask that covered the front of your face and attached with an elastic band.   As we got older costumes might be more of the self-made type.  I remember one year my sister went as Mrs. Beasely from a popular show called Family Affair.  I don’t know why that one costume stands out.  I don’t even remember what I dressed up as most the time.    There was always the school party and the parade of costumes throughout the school.   Then everyone went home and anticipated dark so they could go out trick-or-treating.

Trick-or-Treating was of course done on the appropriate night regardless of whether the weather was good, rain, or snow.  Someone always stayed home to hand out candy and the other parent took out the kids trick-or-treating.   The worst part was my mother was very cautious and so we were never allowed to eat our candy for several days.  This was back in the 60’s and 70’s when people did things like slip razor blades or needles into fruit or candy, or sometimes use a needle to shoot drugs into candy.  She always checked every piece of candy over carefully to see if it appeared to have been tampered with, and then we had to wait a few days to see what type of tampering made the news.  It was a horrid wait, but eventually we got the go-ahead to eat whatever we wanted.    People were generous with their hand-outs so we always had way more than we could eat anyway.  As I got older there was the occasional Halloween party or haunted house, but those were not huge parts of the holiday for us.

Caroline and Patrick carving pumpkins.  Photo by Grace Grogan

Caroline and Patrick carving pumpkins. Photo by Grace Grogan

By the time I had children things had changed a bit, plus I had moved away from the small town and lived in a much more populated area.    Costumes were more detailed and many times people designed their own at home.  My son’s first Halloween I dressed him up as a pumpkin and he “helped” me hand out candy while my husband took our daughter out trick-or-treating.  One year when she was small I made her a clown costume and have a photo of her looking at herself in the mirror, entranced with her painted on red nose.    As the holiday approached we made trips to the cider mills and pumpkin patches.  We purchased pattern books and usually spent several days carving elaborate designs into our pumpkins, and of course the seeds had to be roasted.    My daughter always enjoyed Halloween, but my son has always loved it so it was a big holiday at our house.   As they got older we attended haunted hayrides, and as teens they would go to the large haunted houses.  As adults they still love all those activities.

The school parties were much as they had been when I was a child with treats and a costume parade. Parents attended taking photos of the little ones all dressed up.  One year there was an announcement over the PA for all the Batmans to meet the principal in the cafeteria for a photograph.  The school principal had dressed up as Batman, a popular costume that year, and there were so many Batmans in the school that he decided to have a group shot taken with them.

Patrick and Kiley Trick-or-Treating.  Photo by Grace Grogan

Patrick and Kiley Trick-or-Treating. Photo by Grace Grogan

Grandson Austin dressed for Trick-or-Treat.  Photo by Grace Grogan

Grandson Austin dressed for Trick-or-Treat. Photo by Grace Grogan

Nighttime trick-or-treating was done with a pillowcase to hold all the loot.  The streets were packed with parents and children going door to door.  Most years I stayed home and handed out the goodies and my husband made the rounds with the kids.  On occasion I would go out, and it is always fun to see the little ones in costume whether coming to the door or trudging down the streets.    My husband started with our kids a tradition they had in their family — putting out sheets of newspaper for each kid to dump and sort their candy on — basically an inventory of the goods collected and a great time to trade.  A must in our house – I got all their Butterfinger candy bars!

Patrick and his girls out trick-or-treating.  Photo by Grace Grogan 2009.

Patrick and his girls out trick-or-treating. Photo by Grace Grogan 2009.

Austin and ceramic pumpkin 2009.  Photo by Grace Grogan

Austin and ceramic pumpkin 2009. Photo by Grace Grogan

Now my children are grown with children of their own.  Trunk-or-Treats are held everywhere leading up to the big day, and there are plenty of other events related to the holiday as well.  Haunted hayrides, trips to the cider mill, trips to the pumpkin patch, and of course traditional trick-or-treating are still alive.  I no longer live in a sub division so my only trick-or-treaters are my own grandchildren who are brought by in costume to trick-or-treat at our house.  Some things never change, and one year my daughter, Caroline, told Austin, my grandson, that he had to give his Butterfinger to me.

I do not miss the expense of having to purchase several bags of candy to hand out, but  I do miss having the children coming to the door all dressed in costume yelling trick-or-treat.   In some ways I miss the lengthy carving of the pumpkins, but not the mess it created.    I still go to the cider mill, but that is an event everyone should enjoy several times a season.

What are your Halloween Traditions?

 

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Filed under Activities, children, events, Family, Holidays, kids, Life is a Melting Pot, school

Blog Bonus – Spiders

Spider tipping hatThis is a Blog Bonus – a posting that is not on my normal schedule, a little something extra.  In my last post  They’re Back I talked about the return of the spiders to my front porch, something I am not thrilled with.  My 3-year old grandson, Corbin and 8-year old grandson, Austin, seem to view the event differently.  Corbin thought they were spiderman, and Austin thought I had a “cute little spider” and they both stood on the porch the other night when the spiders were out and said goodbye to the spiders before leaving.  Guess it is all in perspective.  I would love to say goodbye to the spiders, but on a permanent basis and it would be them leaving, not me.

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Filed under backyard, bugs, children, Family, Life is a Melting Pot, nature, spiders, spring

Let’s Get Prepped

Corbins First Day  of Preschool September 3, 2014

Corbin ready for preschool. Photo by Caroline Kelch.

This week as the children in Michigan returned to school I was thinking about how the more things change, the more they stay the same.  There were numerous Facebook postings of children on the first day back at school.  Photos were posted of my grandsons.  I don’t remember my mother taking the “first day” photographs every year, but I did take them of my children and that seems to be a popular modern activity.   In reflecting on back-to-school preparation and school routines there are generational similarities that may or may not be an improvement.

Austin and Corbin ready for school.  Photos by Caroline Kelch.

Austin and Corbin ready for school. Photos by Caroline Kelch.

I was of elementary school age in the 1960’s.  Back-to-school preparation involved getting 2-3 new outfits, new shoes, tennis shoes for gym class, new pencils, an eraser, a box of crayola crayons and a notebook and loose leaf notebook paper, and of course your metal lunch box, carefully selected with your favorite TV show on the outside and a matching thermos to carry your beverage.  There were no book bags or backpacks.

If you lived in town you walked to school, if you lived in the country you rode a bus.   There is a home movie of me and other students walking to school my kindergarten year on the shoulder of a road.  There were no sidewalks and we walked with cars driving past us on the roadway.  My first grade year we moved to the small town where I grew up.  Subdivision streets did not have sidewalks, so again we all walked on the side of the road.  Somehow we all managed to survive the hike each way without anyone getting killed or kidnapped.   Today’s parents would most likely cringe at the thought of sending their young children out to endure such a walk on a daily basis.

In the classroom each student had a desk with a lift up top so you could store all your supplies inside.     School started at 9:00 am with the Pledge of Allegiance, and then class instruction began.  There was a 15 minute recess in the morning,  and another recess in the afternoon.  A hot lunch could be Back to School Desk 1960spurchased or students could pack there own, and there were no restrictions on what could or could not be brought to school to eat.  Lunch was a one-hour period in which students sat wherever they wished in the cafeteria and once done eating would get up and go outside to play for the remainder of the lunch period.  If it was cold weather this involved walking back to your classroom area, unsupervised, to put on your hat, boots, etc. and then exit onto the playground.    School was dismissed around 3:20 pm.  Latch-key did not exist, everyone went home after school.    While some kids had extracurricular activities, for the most part the time after school was open for to play with friends, watch TV or do chores.  Elementary level students rarely had homework.

When my children were in elementary school in the early 1990’s shopping for school included several outfits, shoes, gym shoes, backpack, folders, spiral notebooks, pens, pencils, crayons, colored pencils, Kleenex, glue sticks, highlighters, red pencils,  lunch boxes, thermos, and other items I have since forgotten.    If you lived within a mile of the school your child was a “walker”, but the majority of the parents drove their children to school.  There was always a long line of vehicles going in and out of the school parking lot.  School began with announcements over the intercom system and each classroom then had the option of saying the Pledge of Allegiance.  When my oldest child was in third grade the district we lived in eliminated recess and it was Back to School Suppliesnever restored.  The only physical outlet the children had was gym class once a week, and art class.  Children who could not sit still or pay attention for extended periods of time were diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and medicated.   At lunch time students had assigned tables, sat with their classmates, and had to remain there until lunch was over.  Lunch was a quick affair, only 20-30 minutes to get your food and eat.  If a child forgot their lunch money or lunch they were offered a free peanut butter and jelly sandwich.    With most children coming from two income families, many children went to latch-key after school or had other organized activities in which they participated either immediately after school or in the evening.    My kids were no exception, participating in cub scouts, girl scouts, Awana, Karate, dance, and probably a few other things I have forgotten.

Now zoom forward to the 2010’s.  I  have grandchildren who are in elementary school.  Clothing and shoe requirements are about the same as they were when my children were young.  Backpacks are a must and children ride the bus to school even if they live in town.  My daughter deals with a lengthy list of required school supplies.  Many schools have supply lists available in advance at major stores so people can stock up.  You are not purchasing supplies for just your child, some items are shared with the entire classroom.  Required supply lists include notebooks, paper, folders, pencils, pens, highlighters, markers, glue pens, erasers, scissors, Kleenex, hand sanitizer, and snacks to share with the class.  Young children often have a lunch box as well.  Schools are managed tightly for security, teachers meet the youngest grades outside as they exit the bus, and escort them back to their buses at the end of the day.  Entrance to the school is only possible through the main entrance, all other doors are locked to prevent entry from the outside.  Most schools have eliminated the Pledge of Allegiance because of its reference to “One Nation Under God” and the fact that this reference might offend some people.  Classrooms have a mid-morning snack time using food provided by students.   Classrooms and/or schools may have restrictions on certain food items due to other children having allergies, with peanuts and/or peanut butter being a frequent restriction.  I believe there is limited recess time for the children to go outside and play and do not know what the arrangements are for lunchtime seating but assume it is a controlled and organized system.  Many children are scheduled with after school activities.Back to School Bus

What I question is whether things have improved over the generations.  Things were far more relaxed in the 60’s and 70’s than they are now.  There was less structure giving children more  opportunities to make their own decisions and they had more unscheduled free time.  More time was allotted for play/recess during the school day which allowed students to expel excess energy and learn social skills such as how to resolve conflicts on their own.  You rarely heard of children being medicated for disorders, allergies were practically non-existent, and violence such as stabbings and shootings in schools were extremely rare, basically non-existent.  If children got into a conflict or fight they may have been sent to the principal’s office, but suspensions from school for such conflicts were not common.  If our parents worked we went to a friends house after school or by around age 11 were allowed to let ourselves into the house and stay there alone until our parents came home.  Actually many of us were babysitting other children by the age of 11 or 12.    Parents of today may read this and wonder how we survived without having our lives properly organized.  The answer, we learned how to cope with boredom, how to socialize and resolve conflicts without violence and how to take care of ourselves so that we were well prepared to go out into the world and be productive members of society.

School - How do you turn this thing onChildren that grew up in the 80’s, 90’s and the 2000’s have led a much more structured lifestyle.  Their time has been mapped out for them with activities, video games and TV to prevent boredom.  School days are organized with where to sit, who to socialize with at lunch, and any physical or verbal conflict results in suspension due to “zero tolerance” policies.   Children do not learn how to conquer boredom, resolve conflicts or care for themselves because their time and care is mapped out for them on an hour-by-hour basis.  In my opinion this has resulted in increased violence amongst young people who are frustrated, angry, over-scheduled, and have never learned coping mechanisms for boredom and conflicts.  While not all children demonstrate these symptoms and many are successful, there are also a high number who are unable to adjust to the realities of adult responsibilities.

While it is doubtful that things will ever change back to what they were in prior generations, I think it is important to look at the overall affect our lifestyle is having on our children and try to make whatever adjustments we can to make sure that they learn all the skills they need to be successful academically and socially in school and later in their adult years.

I welcome thoughts on what you think on this topic.  Whether you agree or disagree, an active discussion is a great way to open minds and consider different viewpoints.

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Filed under children, education, Family, grandchildren, kids, Life is a Melting Pot, school

Cold Hearted and Cruel or Realistic?

I am typically not what I would consider a political person, I am more human interest, and usually if a news item captures my interest it is because I feel things are being handled in an unjust manner.  As I contemplate an issue that concerns children, I have to wonder am I cold hearted and cruel or realistic?

What I am referring to is the issue that has been making the news about all the undocumented children from El Salvador, Guatemala, the Honduras and Central America being brought into this country as refugees.  While I can feel compassion for the fact that these children are coming from a bad situation, I also feel it is inappropriate to take in children from other countries when we have children in our own country who are living in poverty, hungry, and growing up in areas where gangs and violence prevail and the quality of education is lacking.  Why can we provide federal funding to support another country’s children before we have used that funding to provide for our own American born children?

There are approximately 30,300 children that have been placed with sponsors in the United States since January 2014.  That number does not include the status of approximately 2,500 children from Central America being housed on U.S. Military facilities in several states, and the Defense Department has agreed to house an additional 5,000 at other facilities.    The undocumented children that are being brought into this country are going to be classified as refugees and the procedure as an “humanitarian crisis.”    Why can’t the legislators recognize that we have children and adults in our own country that deserve such treatment and to provide them with the equivalent services would help to rise them out of their situation would be a humanitarian gesture?

What am I referring to?  Although these children are being dispersed throughout the country, their care is being financed by the Federal government.  The children range in age from six (6) years old to seventeen (17) years old and will be provided with educational classes and the cost of their medical care will be covered by a federal health care program.  I guess it is supposed to make the American citizens feel better because their individual states aren’t paying for it, but in reality it is our Federal tax dollars at work providing care to members of a foreign country.

Each undocumented person that is brought into this country must have an immigration hearing, but when will that be?  As of this month there are approximately 375,000 cases before the immigration courts.  With such a backlog already in existence it is possible that in places such as California immigrant children could wait three years or more for their hearing, and the situation is likely to become worse.  Immigration lawyers and judges are said to be setting hearings for 2017.

What does this mean?  Thousands of immigrant children are being brought into this country to protect them from a life of poverty and violence, with our own government providing them with not only an education and medical care, but our tax money is paying for the court staff, judges, court recorders, and attorneys are handling cases on a pro bono basis to represent these children.

Please let me make one clarifying point, I have no objection to people who immigrate into this country in a legal manner, and many of those who do so are very well educated, productive, members of our society.  What I have an issue with is providing financial aid and services to those from another country before we make sure that our own American born citizens are taken care of.

What is your opinion?  Am I cold hearted and cruel not to want to take in thousands of children?  Am I being realistic in thinking that we should take care of our own American children and families before we take on those from another country?  I would love to hear the thoughts of many on this subject.

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Filed under children, Family, kids, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot