Tag Archives: Life is a Melting Pot

January 16, 2015 · 6:00 am

Good Things

I’ve seen photos of these around New Years in previous years, thought they looked like a neat idea but never attempted it myself. This year I changed my mind. 2014 was a rough year, as I wrote about in Kicking 2014 Goodbye. We also had a lot of good things that happened throughout the year, including a vacation to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and a weekend spent with my sister and two cousins we traveled with often growing up. A granddaughter was born in December. Those are the big things. We all remember the big things, but I know there were a lot of small, minor tidbits of happiness that have long been forgotten.

Good Things Jar. Photo by Grace Grogan 2015

That is why this year I decided to start a Good Things Jar. I purchased a large canning jar, typed up a label for it and placed it on our kitchen counter. I then inserted several notes from the days that had already gone by since January 1st. I started this when my husband, Ron, was in the hospital for his surgery. I didn’t mention it to him, and now that he is home he hasn’t asked about it. He can put things into it too. I should mention it, because his good things may be quite different from mine based on the fact that he is quite often out shooting photographs all day while I am at work.

It will be interesting to see how full the jar is by the end of the year. I have read about people starting these but then not keeping them up. When you begin to jot down the miscellaneous good things that happen it is amazing how many things happen on a day-to-day basis that we don’t put emphasis on. For example in my jar already I have the celebration of my grandson, Corbin’s birthday, which was done late so his brother could be there. My daughter, Caroline and her boyfriend, Rob, came over and ran the snow-blower and cleared the front porch and sidewalk of snow while Ron was in the hospital. I included the day of Ron’s surgery that the procedure was successful, and of course a note the day he came home from the hospital.

Some of these things I will remember at the end of the year, some would be forgotten. It will be interesting on December 31st to dump out my jar of notes and enjoy the memories. I have read where people frequently keep the jars so they can re-open and read the notes in later years if they choose. I will take my notes at the end of the year and put them onto a scrapbook page and they will be permanently saved in a scrapbook.

The year is still new. Maybe you should consider making a Good Things Jar. If you have done this in the past I would love to hear your comments about it. If you haven’t are you now considering starting one? We should all focus on the Good Things in our lives.

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Filed under Activities, decisions, Family, habit, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, reality, time, Writing

Tagged as activities, challenge, family, Good Things Jar, Grace Grogan, life, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, New Years, writing

January 9, 2015 · 2:10 am

Slippery Surgical Stress

Why is it we have had great weather until the day we have to leave home at 4 am to drive over an hour away for my husband, Ron’s, surgery? As if the day wasn’t going to be tiring enough, that was the way it started.

We were told that he would need to be at the hospital at 5:30 am for a 7:30 am surgery. Ron is a morning person, so although I thought we should get a hotel for the night before the surgery, he didn’t think it was a problem getting up at 3 am to be on the road by 4 am for the drive to the hospital. I told him if we were driving at that hour of the morning, he was driving.

Of all weeks for the weather to turn bitter cold and some spots on the roads were definitely slippery. Ron is retired and spends a lot of time driving to various locations to take photographs. I work full time and have only a three minute commute to get to work. Although we used to live in a more populated area, I am no longer used to the heavy traffic driving bumper-to-bumper.

Ron’s surgery was scheduled at University of Michigan Hospital in Ann Arbor. The drive requires traveling on expressways that tend to be very busy. What I couldn’t believe is how many cars are on the expressways at 4:30 am! What the heck time of day do these people start working? Combine that with it being dark outside, the roads slightly slippery at points, and Ron going only 60mph but still passing everyone on the road, I was tense.

I’ve ridden with Ron for 34 years in all kinds of weather. He does not loose control of the vehicle, but I guess the days of feeling invincible have given way to the fear of what could happen. It probably didn’t help that prior to getting on the expressway he slid through a stop sign on our cut across, which is a dirt road, to the expressway. My words when that happened were “don’t go in the ditch on the way to the hospital.” Then on the expressway as we are passing other vehicles I would periodically ask if it was slippery and he would respond “it’s getting that way.” Obviously, I just felt the sway of the wheels a bit on the road! I used to drive fast on the roads when I had a 4 x 4, but we were traveling in a Ford Focus.

Ron did not have any problems maintaining control of the vehicle. It was the other vehicles that were making me tense. There were a couple times when a car decided at the last minute to move over in front of us and was driving considerably slower than we were, requiring Ron to break firmly. A couple times cars weren’t lane changing but for whatever reason decided they needed part of our lane and moved over at us. We had a semi we were passing that was very close to us on the passenger side, too close for my comfort. My downfall was I wasn’t chewing gum, which was probably a blessing for Ron. When I am tense and chew gum I tend to chew in a way that causes the gum to repeatedly crack. Probably because I wasn’t chewing gum my jaw was hurting because I had apparently been clenching my teeth. I also had to repeatedly concentrate on relaxing my shoulders and legs, as they would get sore from tension.

View showing esophagectomy procedure in three steps.

We were only 15 minutes late arriving at the surgical center. If you have ever been to U of M Medical Center you know it is huge. I have a map in my purse of the buildings so I know the route from where the car is parked to where Ron’s hospital room is. His surgery went well. He had a transhiatal esophagectomy in which they removed his esophagus and raised his stomach up and attached it where the esophagus once was, so his stomach now starts in his chest and is like a long tunnel down to his intestines. He was predicted for a 4-6 hour surgery and was in 5-1/2 hours. The surgery was on Tuesday and he is doing very well. The medical staff are very pleased with his progress. The normal stay after this procedure is seven days, but release is dependent on certain milestones being met.

Needless to say it has been an exhausting week. I had the hospital make hotel arrangements for me the night of the surgery, and I was very glad I did. By the time he got through recovery and into a room it was around 4:30-5:00 pm. I didn’t leave the hospital until 8 pm. When you have been up since 3 am and at the hospital since 5:45 am, it is a long day, and I still hadn’t had dinner. It was 10 pm before I was settled into my hotel room for the night.

I am glad the day of slippery surgical stress is behind me and the recovery process is now underway. I anticipate Ron being released to come home Tuesday or Wednesday and then life should begin to return to a normal routine.

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Filed under cancer, Family, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage

Tagged as cancer, comute, driving, esophagectomy, esophagus, family, Grace Grogan, hospital, Life is a Melting Pot, surgery, University of Michigan, weather

December 31, 2014 · 11:38 pm

Kicking 2014 Goodbye

While I can’t say its been a horrible year, because there have been some good things, I am ready to kick 2014 to the curb.

Grogan Gravesite. Copyright 2014 Grace Grogan

My father-in-law passed away at the age of 94 on February 11, 2014 and my father passed away at the age of 75 on December 3, 2014. While my father-in-law at the age of 94 should not come as a surprise, my father at only 75 was a shock. My sister and I had not yet completed going through my mother’s things (she passed in May 2013) and now have an entire house to contend with.

Although it has not been finalized, we found out that rather than letting us adopt our biological granddaughter she is going to be given to total strangers for adoption. Her younger sister, who we also wanted to adopt, was awarded to her foster care parents for adoption in 2013. The frustration dealing with DHS and realizing that this is an ongoing problem across the country is what inspired me to write a book about our situation.

Kiley Grogan’s photo posted on MARE.org

My ankle, which was severely injured in an accident 4-1/2 years ago, has continued to deteriorate. I was told in September 2013 that I have degenerative arthritis from the accident and will eventually need an ankle fusion. The condition has gotten considerably worse in the past year and I fear the operation will bee needed sooner rather than farther in the distance.

My husband, Ron, began having difficulty swallowing in June/July and by September was a true problem. It was discovered he had a tumor almost completely blocking his esophagus and the tumor was cancerous. He has undergone radiation and chemotherap and has lost about 60 lbs due to his inability to swallow more than thin liquids/broth. He will have surgery on the 6th of January to remove his esophagus and his stomach will be lifted/stretched up to take its place.

Walking from the boat dock to the lodge. Photo by Grace Grogan

In the midst of all this chaos we also had some good things. My sister, two of our cousins and I got together for a girls weekend, which we did on an uninhabited island and had a great time. We had traveled together while growing up and then had not spent much time together since becoming adults, so over 34 years. It was during the burial of my mother in 2013 that the four of us decided to revive our vacation get-togethers. Spending time with just the four of us on an uninhabited island for two nights was fun. We had a great time and are in the process of planning another outing this year.

A gathering for the purpose of a memorial service for my in-laws resulted in a min-reunion of my husband’s family. That lead to plans for another family gathering/reunion in August of this year. It was great that so many family members who reside in other states were able to make the memorial and plan to attend the reunion again this year.

My husband and I took our motor home out for 11 days, with the first stop being the memorial service for my in-laws, and the next stop being Iron Mountain in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. From there we took day trips to various counties across the UP with the main objective being to photograph waterfalls. We also took in a few other sights an spent two days visiting with our son who is located on the west side of the UP.

Bond Falls. Photo by Grace Grogan

My husband and I have continued to build our photography business an have had several good sales this year. We celebrated our good year by purchasing each of us new Nikon D750 Cameras for Christmas and are looking forward to a photography filled year. We also have a great new photo subject, our newest granchild, Alexandria, born on December 12th.

Alexandria’s first Christmas – only 12 days old on December 24th.

This was the year I took a more intense dive into my writing. I started working on a book about my husband’s and my battle with DHS trying to adopt our granddaughters. I continued in my position as newsletter editor of our local genealogy club’s newspaper, write a genealogy column for a local paper, plus took on the one-year position of being an opinion columnist for another local paper. I also began this blog, keeping it to a manageable one post per week, although I have on occasion thrown in an extra. I have found all these writing projects enjoyable. The more I write, the more I want to write.

So what are the plans for 2015? We all make resolutions every year and then falter and don’t accomplish them. I’m not making resolutions this year. I’m going to set goals and strategies to accomplish my New Years Goals — in my mind that has a more positive ring it than a resolution. I have not mapped out the specifics or broken it down into manageable segments yet, but the overall goals are going to be weight reduction, organization, cleaning and scheduling to get it all accomplished. Wish me luck, because I’m probably going to attempt the impossible, once again.

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Filed under events, habit, home, Life is a Melting Pot, Photography

Tagged as activities, blogging, challenge, Grace Grogan, life, Life is a Melting Pot, reading, scrapbooking

December 25, 2014 · 7:43 pm

Merry Christmas

My Christmas Tree. Photo by Grace Grogan

Wishing Everyone a Merry Christmas.

This year we had family Christmas with my sister, her daughters and grandchildren on the 21st of December, followed by Christmas with my daughter, three grandsons and daughter’s boyfriend on Christmas Eve. All previous years Caroline came

Caroline with her three children, Alexandria, Corbin and Austin; Linda with her two Children, Aiden and Marney.

over with her kids on Christmas Day after they had opened gifts at home, but this year we had to make different arrangements.

Our oldest grandson, Austin, was leaving at 9 pm Christmas Eve to spend the rest of his Christmas vacation at his father’s house. This created a bit of a dilemma as my daughter’s boyfriend, Rob, had to work the morning of Christmas Eve, so it raised a problem with when Santa should arrive. The solution – Santa came to our house, left a note explaining why all the gifts were here and not at their house.

Corbin and Austin

Once Rob was out of work they all came over to our house, arriving around 2 pm for pizza and gift opening. This worked out perfect as Austin was then able to go home and play his new and #1 gift wish, Skylander, before leaving to go to his dad’s for the rest of his Christmas break. Corbin, who will be 4 on the 30th of December, was thrilled with his Thomas The Train tracks, his fire engines and cars. He is a kid that likes anything with wheels, but his number one love is trains. Alexandria, just born on the 12th of December slept through the entire event. She looked adorable in her “Baby’s First Christmas” shirt sleeping away.

Ron and I waited until the gang had left before we opened our main gifts for ourselves — new Nikon D750 Cameras and gear. Since we had no children in the house or gifts to open on Christmas morning, we were able to spend the time figuring out our new cameras and getting them programmed the way we wanted.

I hope all of you had a fun-filled Christmas celebration.

: The guys and babies.

: My sister, Carol and I (I’m on the right)

: My daughter Caroline, and my two nieces, Mariah and Linda

: Nikon camera gear for my husband and I

: Alexandria’s first Christmas

: Corbin and the Train book of photographs taken by his grandfather and my husband, Ron Grogan

: Corbin and his Thomas the Train

: Austin looks at his #1 desired gift – Skylander Game

: Alexandria’s first Christmas – only 12 days old on December 24th.

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Tagged as camera, celebrate, celebration, Christmas, Christmas Eve, family, gifts, Grace Grogan, grandchildren, grandmother, Life is a Melting Pot, photography, presents

December 18, 2014 · 9:20 am

New Life

As one life ages and leaves this earth, another is born. This is the case this month in my family. The rotation of life.

My father passed away on December 3, 2014 at the age of 75 and my new granddaughter, Alexandria Louise, was born on December 12, 2014. Coming into this world a whopping 4 lbs 15 oz and 18″ long. She has a good set of lungs on her, which is probably a good thing as she has two older brothers with whom to compete.

A family gathering with my sister and her family will be fun this weekend. She has two grandchildren. Aiden is 7 years old and Marney is 5 months. Combined with Austin who is 8, Corbin who will be 4 on the 30th of December and the newborn baby, it will be a fun, child-filled gathering. Then on Christmas Eve my daughter will come over with her three children again for our own Christmas exchange. Christmas is more fun with children around.

Everyone is busy now in preparation for the holidays, and in fact my next two regular posting days are Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. I hope you will find time to check back in, but I will take this time to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. If you do not celebrate Christmas, then I hope you have an enjoyable time celebrating the appropriate holidays for whatever faith you practice.

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Tagged as baby, beginning, born, children, family, Grace Grogan, grandchildren, grandmother, kids, life, Life is a Melting Pot, new life

December 11, 2014 · 7:30 am

Master Bath Guests

Our Master Bath has special guests that come for a short visit every spring and every fall. They must not like weather change because they arrive when the temperature warms slightly, then again when the temperature turns cold. They must eventually adjust to the change because their stay is generally short, only a week or two, and then they disappear until the next season.

What we can’t figure out is where the flies come from. They just suddenly appear and generally stay up on the ceiling or near the lights. An occasional visitor may be seen near the sink or floor, but not often. They only come in small groups of three to six at a time, and seem to be lacking in energy. They don’t fly around, normally just sit on the ceiling or wall. We rarely find a dead one anywhere, they just suddenly disappear one day and don’t return until the following spring or summer.

What attracts the flies to our master bath? They do not appear anywhere else in the house. What is even more bizarre is we always leave the door to our bedroom and our closet open and the bath is right between them, but the flies are never seen in either of those rooms. What we have is the bathroom fly mystery. Where do they come from? Where to they go? We may never know.

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Tagged as bugs, flies, Grace Grogan, insects, Life is a Melting Pot, master bath, season change, weather

December 5, 2014 · 7:30 am

Caught in a Tornado

It started out as a heavy wind, then the momentum kept building, blowing harder and harder, starting to spin around me. The power increased steadily until it was overpowering, hitting me with its impact and before I knew it I felt like I was spinning uncontrollably. I was caught in a vicious tornado, life had thrown too much at me and I was loosing control.

Back in July my husband, Ron, began having some trouble swallowing when eating. By the time we returned home from vacation in August the problem had become much worse. It was discovered that he had a large tumor in his esophagus and that it was cancerous. During the time it took for the various tests and consultations with doctors to be done the tumor became worse and his ability to eat went from normal to soft foods only to very thing liquids/broths. At the beginning of his 5-1/2 weeks of chemotherapy and radiation his esophagus was 90% blocked. He has lost around 40 lbs and is down to around 131 lbs, very thin. He finished his chemotherapy last week and today, the 4th of December, was his last radiation treatment. The treatments have reduced the tumor and four about 1-2 weeks he was able to get some foods down, but the burning from the radiation has now caused that to be extremely painful. We have to wait about a month for the burning to heal and the poisons from the chemo to leave his body. In January he will have surgery to remove the esophagus and they will raise his stomach up to replace it. Once those steps are done and he recovers from the surgery he should be able to resume a normal lifestyle.

If you have been reading my blog for a while you know that my husband and I have been trying to adopt our granddaughters and lost one to adoption already. We found out on the 17th of November that although we have never received an official denial that another family has been found and she will likely be placed with them in January and adopted in June. DHS has fought us all the way, and although we have not totally given up, we know that we are not likely to succeed in any attempts we make. If you are not familiar with what has been going on, you can read about it in Power of Emotion and Attempted Adoption: An Emotional Whirlwind.

My father has been experiencing health issues for the past year or so, plus struggling emotionally since my mother’s death in 2013. He recently went into the hospital in a weakened state and with fluid around his lungs. He was transferred to a medical rehabilitation facility to regain his strength when a set-back sent him back to the hospital about a week ago. I spoke with him on the 7th of December and he was uncomfortable, weak, and having difficulty eating/swallowing. On the 2nd of December, his 75th birthday, he began to fail badly. They attempted to drain fluid from his lungs and one collapsed, his kidneys were not working properly, and a multitude of other problems existed as well. Throughout the day he changed floors in the hospital twice as his condition worsened. By the end of the day he was intubated and not expected to live through the night.

The hospital is two hours from where I live. Ron is weakest in the evenings and has had some dizzy spells and falls so I didn’t want to leave him home overnight. The emotional impact was hitting me and I was struggling with everything — the loss of Kiley to adoption, Ron’s condition, and my father’s anticipated death. I was able to call the hospital and they held the phone to his ear so I could talk to him. I was surprised when my sister, who lives near him, called the next morning and said she was at the hospital, he was failing very fast but they could maintain him for family to arrive. I called into work and hit the road. I was lucky, the roads were clear and very little traffic, I was at the hospital within about 2-1/2 hours from when I received the call. My father’s skin was cold and clammy to the touch, his vitals were very low, but when I spoke to him I could tell from his facial movements that he could hear me and was able to register what I was telling him. My sister and I decided to go to the cafeteria for a quick lunch, as her son-in-law and a pastor were expected to arrive and we would then remove life support and switch him to comfort measures only. When we returned to the room we said a few final words to him. Once we made the change in his treatment he passed peacefully within about 20 minutes.

One life ends and another begins. My daughter is pregnant, a high-risk pregnancy and her C-Section is scheduled for December 12th, so 1-1/2 weeks after the death of my father, the birth of another grandchild will take place. The juggling of life continues as we have to drive her 45 minutes away to the hospital where she will deliver, take care of her other two children while she is at the hospital, and handle getting her and baby back home and to her follow up appointments.

I’m either adjusting to the speed of the tornado or it is loosing momentum. We are now down to my grandchild’s birth, a family Christmas at our house, my husband’s surgery in January, continuing to monitor what happens with our granddaughter being adopted out to a non-relative rather than us, and my sister and I sorting through and cleaning out our parents’ home and belongings and handling the details of settling their estate. It only goes to show that Life is a Melting Pot of incidents and activities.

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Filed under Adoption, cancer, death, Family, grandchildren, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, memoir, parents

Tagged as adoption, birth, cancer, death, family, Grace Grogan, grandchildren, grandmother, Life is a Melting Pot, marriage, memoir, parents

November 27, 2014 · 7:13 pm

Tossed Turkey and Dog Food

This year our Thanksgiving meal was unique. We had tossed turkey and dog food. I know, not everyone can enjoy such unusual holiday fare, but then it takes a special talent to come up with such things.

When I removed the turkey from the oven it was a picture perfect golden brown, the stuffing displayed in a perfect mound between the legs and I knew it was done because the little plastic thermometer had popped. I asked my daughter to steady the pan while I lifted out the bird. All was going well until the darn thing fell apart as I was lifting, so I only had half a bird as I moved it over the serving platter. Then the inevitable happened. Before I got the 1/2 bird placed on the platter it too fell apart, flipping around in mid air and landing upside down on the platter with its two winds spread as if in flight and displaying its ripped apart belly. Caroline and I were laughing hysterically as I stabbed and managed to flip the bird back over. We then tried to remove the remaining half a bird from the pan, but everything kept just falling off the bone so the other half of the platter was a jumbled mess of turkey and a mound of stuffing. Of course everyone knew we were having a bit of an issue so when my tossed turkey was placed on the table, it was good for a laugh. Little did we know the best was yet to come.

Corbin, who is 3 years old, took one look at that mound of stuffing on that platter and said “Dog Food, No!” and went to the other end of the table.

That announcement of his impression of my cooking got me to laughing so hard I was choking. How can you argue with the observation of a 3 year old? You can’t. No matter what we said, no matter who ate what, Corbin was not going to be fooled by anyone and he was not going to eat that dog food, nor was he going to eat any meat that had been placed on the same platter as the “dog food”. It just wasn’t happening.

Although they would never have won a Betty Crocker award for appearance, the turkey and dressing were tasty. The mashed potatoes and gravy were a bit on the lumpy side but everything else was fine. When the meal was over my daughter, Caroline, and her boyfriend, Rob, left Cobrin with us while they went out to begin Black Friday shopping at 4 pm on Thanksgiving Day. While I was tackling the kitchen cleanup Ron and Corbin both fell asleep on the couch for a nap.

I knew this Thanksgiving would be a little different. This is the first time my 8-year old grandson, Austin, would be with his father for Thanksgiving and not our family. My husband, Ron, has been undergoing chemo and radiation for cancer of the esophagus and it has reduced his tumor enough that he was actually able to consume a small bit of dinner. No elegant table cloth, elaborate center pieces or fancy clothes. Just a tossed turkey and some dog food, but nonetheless a fun, memorable Thanksgiving. Hope yours was memorable too.

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Filed under children, Family, food, grandchildren, Holidays, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir

Tagged as family, Grace Grogan, grandchildren, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, Thanksgiving, ups and downs

November 20, 2014 · 10:15 am

Looking Out My Front Door

Photo Copyright Grace Grogan 2014

As I sat down this morning and looked out my window I had the contrast of a tree in my front yard that is still full of leaves, and they haven’t even changed color, but the trees across the street are bare of any leaves at all. Then I have shrubs with snow on them, and a neighbor across the street running his large snow blower in his drive.

Photo copyright Grace Grogan 2014

The contrast of these items shouldn’t come as a surprise — I live in Michigan. We have a saying here, if you don’t like the weather wait five minutes, it will change. However where I live, in the thumb just south of Port Huron, I am not used to snow on the ground until January or February. We still wear spring jackets in November, people ride their motorcycles, we haven’t found our ice scrapers yet. I am not a winter person, I took these photos standing inside my house, through the screen.

Photo copyright Grace Grogan 2014

An arctic blast has moved across the country, dumping cold and snow everywhere. Buffalo, New York has taken a major hit. Given what is going on elsewhere, I really can’t complain about what I am dealing with here in the thumb….well, yes I can. I’m still not happy, just recognize it isn’t as bad as it could be. There is snow coming down as I write this.

In April I wrote Wild Weather Past and Present because we were also having strange weather this past spring. If you didn’t get a chance to read it then, check it out. It shows that bizzare weather has been going on for hundreds of years. The advantage is we now have homes with furnaces, cars with heaters, snow blowers, plow trucks, and tons of modern conveniences that our forefathers did not have when dealing with wild and bizzare weather.

Photo copyright Grace Grogan 2014

Stay Warm. I am trying to look on the positive side: It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere we go.

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Tagged as artctic blast, blogging, cold, Grace Grogan, Life is a Melting Pot, Michigan, snow, thumb, weather, winter

November 13, 2014 · 9:43 am

Toot My Own Horn

As a writer I love putting thoughts down and sharing them. This week I am going to share two columns I recently had printed in the local paper…I’m going to toot my own horn.

It seems as if the government is getting involved in our lives more and more, taking control in areas they never have in the past. Once such area has to do with the regulation of school lunches, so I wrote a column School Food Guidelines Will Not Solve Kids’ Nutrition Problems. I am sharing it with you here both as a link and with a copy of the column posted below in case the link no longer functions, as sometimes happens with newspapers.

The other column is on a subject much more personal to me. My grandchildren were taken by CPS, parental rights terminated and although my husband and I tried to foster and adopt our granddaughters CPS/DHS fought us all the way. That battle is the subject of a book I am writing. I recently wrote a column that Foster Care Policy Change is Modest Given the Need for Reform.

I hope you enjoy the subjects on which I have chosen to “toot my own horn”. If you have any accomplishments to share, please do in the comments section below.

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Filed under Adoption, Child Protective Services, children, CPS, Department of Human Services, DHS, education, Family, food, Foster Care, grandchildren, kids, Life is a Melting Pot, lunch, nutrician, school

Tagged as Child Protective Services, foster care, government, Grace Grogan, grandchildren, grandmother, life, Life is a Melting Pot, lunch, Michigan, nutrician, school, school nutrician, writing

November 6, 2014 · 9:09 am

Cemetery Shooting

The quietness envelopes you. A light drizzle of rain can add to the atmosphere. The headstones are old and weathered, some no longer can be read. Some are sinking into the ground, barely visible but still maintained by loved ones of the modern day with flowers or flags beside them. Ancestors who are not forgotten but are sinking into the ground forever. There are headstones with elaborate carvings, statues signifying the importance of the person or an affluent family.

Grave of Chester Haight. Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2013

Look at the dates. One hundred years ago, two hundred years ago, walking on ancient burial ground. What were their lives like back then? What was the ceremony like that layed the person to rest at this location? What was the reason for their passing? Life spans were not as lengthy back then. What did they accomplish in such a short time on earth?

Crawford Settlement Burying Ground. Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2013.

The most heart wrenching are the baby plots. Infants, toddlers, and children laid to rest at such a young age. What caused them to pass before their life had begun? Was it childhood diseases that no longer exist? An accident? Why do so many children die at such a young age?

These are the things that go through the mind as you wander old cemeteries. That is why I love shooting pictures at cemeteries. They are peaceful, calming, and are wonderfully interesting places to take photographs.

I like to stop at old cemeteries when by myself. Most people think I’m a bit crazy to enjoy wandering a cemetery for an hour or more taking photographs, only to leave that one and drive to another. I have visited as many as four cemeteries in one day, each one with something different to offer.

I hope you enjoy my cemetery photographs. If you ever want to take a peaceful walk, stroll an old cemetery. Don’t go to a modern one, they lack personality. Pick an old one with ancient, tall headstones, weathered with age, and enjoy a relaxing stroll.

Almost lost but not forgotten. Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2013.

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October 30, 2014 · 8:52 am

Haunted Past

Buffy from the TV show Family Affair and her doll Mrs. Beasley. Photo located online.

Haunted happenings are everywhere. Halloween has changed since I was a child, even since my children were young. The holiday has grown in popularity and activities leading up to it have stretched out. This is no longer a one-night event.

I grew up in a small town. You purchased a few pumpkins and carved them with a basic jack-o-lantern face. One year my dad decided to dress ours up by using markers to paint around the carvings. I didn’t like having jack-o-lanterns that weren’t “normal” but everyone coming to our house to trick-or-treat thought they were great.

Typical costumes from the 1960’s. Photo obtained online.

A vintage photo from 1960’s showing students in costume. Photo obtained from the internet.

Store bought costumes were a simple “cover” over the clothing and a plastic mask that covered the front of your face and attached with an elastic band. As we got older costumes might be more of the self-made type. I remember one year my sister went as Mrs. Beasely from a popular show called Family Affair. I don’t know why that one costume stands out. I don’t even remember what I dressed up as most the time. There was always the school party and the parade of costumes throughout the school. Then everyone went home and anticipated dark so they could go out trick-or-treating.

Trick-or-Treating was of course done on the appropriate night regardless of whether the weather was good, rain, or snow. Someone always stayed home to hand out candy and the other parent took out the kids trick-or-treating. The worst part was my mother was very cautious and so we were never allowed to eat our candy for several days. This was back in the 60’s and 70’s when people did things like slip razor blades or needles into fruit or candy, or sometimes use a needle to shoot drugs into candy. She always checked every piece of candy over carefully to see if it appeared to have been tampered with, and then we had to wait a few days to see what type of tampering made the news. It was a horrid wait, but eventually we got the go-ahead to eat whatever we wanted. People were generous with their hand-outs so we always had way more than we could eat anyway. As I got older there was the occasional Halloween party or haunted house, but those were not huge parts of the holiday for us.

Caroline and Patrick carving pumpkins. Photo by Grace Grogan

By the time I had children things had changed a bit, plus I had moved away from the small town and lived in a much more populated area. Costumes were more detailed and many times people designed their own at home. My son’s first Halloween I dressed him up as a pumpkin and he “helped” me hand out candy while my husband took our daughter out trick-or-treating. One year when she was small I made her a clown costume and have a photo of her looking at herself in the mirror, entranced with her painted on red nose. As the holiday approached we made trips to the cider mills and pumpkin patches. We purchased pattern books and usually spent several days carving elaborate designs into our pumpkins, and of course the seeds had to be roasted. My daughter always enjoyed Halloween, but my son has always loved it so it was a big holiday at our house. As they got older we attended haunted hayrides, and as teens they would go to the large haunted houses. As adults they still love all those activities.

The school parties were much as they had been when I was a child with treats and a costume parade. Parents attended taking photos of the little ones all dressed up. One year there was an announcement over the PA for all the Batmans to meet the principal in the cafeteria for a photograph. The school principal had dressed up as Batman, a popular costume that year, and there were so many Batmans in the school that he decided to have a group shot taken with them.

Patrick and Kiley Trick-or-Treating. Photo by Grace Grogan

Grandson Austin dressed for Trick-or-Treat. Photo by Grace Grogan

Nighttime trick-or-treating was done with a pillowcase to hold all the loot. The streets were packed with parents and children going door to door. Most years I stayed home and handed out the goodies and my husband made the rounds with the kids. On occasion I would go out, and it is always fun to see the little ones in costume whether coming to the door or trudging down the streets. My husband started with our kids a tradition they had in their family — putting out sheets of newspaper for each kid to dump and sort their candy on — basically an inventory of the goods collected and a great time to trade. A must in our house – I got all their Butterfinger candy bars!

Patrick and his girls out trick-or-treating. Photo by Grace Grogan 2009.

Austin and ceramic pumpkin 2009. Photo by Grace Grogan

Now my children are grown with children of their own. Trunk-or-Treats are held everywhere leading up to the big day, and there are plenty of other events related to the holiday as well. Haunted hayrides, trips to the cider mill, trips to the pumpkin patch, and of course traditional trick-or-treating are still alive. I no longer live in a sub division so my only trick-or-treaters are my own grandchildren who are brought by in costume to trick-or-treat at our house. Some things never change, and one year my daughter, Caroline, told Austin, my grandson, that he had to give his Butterfinger to me.

I do not miss the expense of having to purchase several bags of candy to hand out, but I do miss having the children coming to the door all dressed in costume yelling trick-or-treat. In some ways I miss the lengthy carving of the pumpkins, but not the mess it created. I still go to the cider mill, but that is an event everyone should enjoy several times a season.

What are your Halloween Traditions?

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Filed under Activities, children, events, Family, Holidays, kids, Life is a Melting Pot, school

Tagged as activities, cider mill, costumes, family, Grace Grogan, grandchildren, Halloween, holidays, jack-o-lanterns, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, pumpkins, tradition, trick-or-treat

October 23, 2014 · 7:30 am

Who Am I?

What defines who you are? Is it the job you hold, the hobbies you participate in? Does one define you more than others?

I work as a paralegal in a one-person law office. I am also a photographer and a writer. Which of those things defines me? While I enjoy my full-time position, I don’t think that necessarily defines me as a person, but it definitely opens my mind to various subjects and allows me to look at things with an objective viewpoint. When I see laws that have changed or situations that have a negative impact on people it inspires me to write and create public awareness of the situation, whether it be good or bad.

The two things that I feel best define who I am are my writing and photography. Am I a writer who does photography or a photographer who writes? This is a question that is difficult to answer. I do not like publishing a post in which there are not at least some photographs or other images. When I take photographs I often think of how I might be able to use them in my writing or what I may want to journal about in my scrapbooks. When I write something my mind is wondering what photographs I have that relate to the post, because I want to include a visual image for the reader. What I like about these two activities is that they both inspire people to think about something, what I am writing about, what I have photographed. It may trigger a memory, inspire them to take action, encourage them to travel and visit somewhere different. Writing and Photography are activities that draw in the reader and viewer so as to hopefully trigger some form of reaction.

One example is a favorite quote of mine which hangs on my wall here at home. In fact I wrote about this in my very first post for this blog titled Life Is Like A Camera. Inspiration for photographs does not have to come from things I write, it can also come from things I read, such as the saying at left.

At the same time, photographs inspire memories, thoughts, and desires in lots of people. Several people can look at the same photograph and have thoughts or memories that are very different. For instance look at the photo below. Does this make you think back to a time when something happened and you ended up in a ditch or in some other form of accident? Do you wonder why a photo was taken of this? After all, it is nothing spectacular, just a jeep in the ditch…or is there a hidden story to tell?

Jeep in Ditch. Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2010.

Did you notice, the jeep is backwards to the road and nose down, so now what are your thoughts? This is where the photo needs the words to tell the story.

I was recovering from an accident and lacked mobility, so my husband would drive the vehicle across the lawn and up to the front porch to park near the steps so it was easier for me to get into the house. Luckily I wasn’t with him when he left to go on an errand because the front lawn had iced up. When he made the circle through the front lawn to go back to the driveway he lost all traction on the ice covered grass. The jeep would not stop and would not turn. Into the ditch he went. The ditch is quite deep and was a wet, soupy mess and he was unable to back out. The tires were sunk half way in a suction-like muck. A tow truck had to be called to extract our vehicle from our own front yard ditch. We were so glad I hadn’t been in the car because I would not have been able to leave the jeep and climb up out of the ditch. I did take the photo. I grabbed my camera after Ron came in to call the tow service and worked my way to the front door so I could shoot this photograph. It was taken through the front door window which is why it is not a properly positioned photo. I was working around the posts on the front porch and a tree in the front yard. Now you may ask, why are their bales of hay sitting there? Because Ron was planning to spread the hay on the front grass to absorb moisture and help provide a little surface traction as the lawn thawed and froze. So much for great plans!

So who am I? Am I a photographer who writes, or am I a writer who takes photographs? I would love to hear your thoughts. I would also like to leave you with a few photos to inspire your memories and your thoughts — I hope you will share them with me.

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Filed under Activities, employment, hobbies, Life is a Melting Pot, Photography, reality, work, Writing

Tagged as activities, author, Grace Grogan, life, Life is a Melting Pot, office work, personality, photography, writing

October 16, 2014 · 9:08 am

World Wide Photo Walk

Scott Kelby’s World Wide Photo Walk is an annual event during which photographers all around the world go out in groups on the same day and take photographs. This past Saturday Ron and I participated in the 7th Annual Walk. It is always fun to see what other photographers capture when they are at the same place as you shooting. The event is held in numerous cities with local walk leaders. Each walker may submit one photo from the event to their local group. The winner of the group photo submissions wins a prize, and then their photo is submitted into a world-wide main photo competition from which there are thousands of dollars in prizes available to the 10 finalists, and then of course a Grand Prize Winner.

Paint Creek, Rochester Michigan. Photograph by Grace Grogan, copyright 2014

The opportunity to meet other photographers while walking around taking photos of an area you may not normally explore and the ability to later view what other photographers decided to capture is interesting. Several photographers can go into the same area and spot different subjects or photograph the same subjects but in a different way. In any hobby or profession seeing what others do is informative and fun.

This year Ron and I decided to participate in the event held in Rochester, Michigan. The main portion of the walk took place in a park where we have been numerous times for special events, but I had never visited on a normal day for a casual walk. Even in what first may appear to be a limited subject matter if you open your eyes and look around you can spot many interesting photo subjects. Unfortunately the fall colors have not yet come into full play, but there was still a bit of color here and there to enhance the effect.

Water flow over rocks, Paint Creek, Rochester, Michigan. Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2014

The park had three different bridges over the creek that provided interesting subjects. There are various points in the creek where rocks create interesting formations of water, mini waterfalls and rapid effects. Flower gardens, trees, benches, and a fountain are also items of interest. I’ve included a few of the photos I took on the walk here. If you would like to view more I have posted 57 pictures I took during the photo walk on our Facebook page, Times Gone By Photography – Quality Photographs and Photo Tips.

Pond at Paint Creek, Rochester, Michigan. Photo by Grace Grogan, copyright 2014

Everyone is welcome to joint the annual photo walk event. It is a great way to interact with other photographers, see new areas, and just enjoy a few hours out taking pictures. Have you ever participated in the Scott Kelby World Wide Photo Walk? If so I would love to hear about your experience, what City and Country you walked in and what type of camera you use.

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Filed under Activities, events, Life is a Melting Pot, Photography

Tagged as activities, camera, challenge, Grace Grogan, Life is a Melting Pot, Michigan, Paint Creek, photographs, photography, photos, Rochester, Scott Kelby, World Wide Photo Walk

October 8, 2014 · 9:36 am

Songs About Me

Everyone has songs they love, either because they relate to themselves personally, remind them of a previous time in their life, or make them think of someone they know. There is a country song that contains the lyrics ” songs about me and who I am” by Trace Adkins. That made me wonder, what are the songs about me? Songs that I love, that make me think of people, that relate to my life. There are many, and I’m sure after I’m done writing this post I’ll remember something i didn’t include.

I mostly listen to country now, but I love all kinds of music. I was a teen in the 1970’s and I still love that old time rock and roll. Whenever I hear that song by Bob Seger I have a hard time sittiing still, it just makes me want to get up and dance. That song also holds another memory because when my children were in elementary school there were several roller skating parties each year, and I always skated at each one (on quads, I was a kid before roller blades existed) and at every roller skating party the principal of the school always had that song played. That song moved me at a good speed on skates, and whipping around the rink was great fun. That is, except when a young child fell right in front of me one time and I have no idea how I accomplished it, but I managed to jump him because there was no way I could swerve or stop. I impressed myself and could never have done it again if I was trying it.

In 1975 the United Nations Government Assembly declared 1975 International Women’s Year in support of the women’s movement. I was 15 at the time, and Helen Reddy’s song I Am Woman was released that same year. It is a song that not only speaks of the era I grew up in and achievements that were being made, but it also fits my personality. I can be very determined, and the lyrics state “You can bend but never break me, ‘Cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal, and I come back even stronger, not a novice any longer, ’cause you depended the conviction in my sole. Oh yes, I am wise but it’s wisdom born of pain, Yes, I’ve ‘aid the price, but look how much I gained. If I have to I can face anything, I am strong (strong), I am invincible (invincible), I am woman.” While I may not achieve the original goal, my determination to make something positive come of it can be a silent but effective form of revenge.

I grew up in Small Town USA, like the town portrayed in Justin Moore’s song. Although I moved away and never went back, there are lots of people who never left, and others who did leave and go back. There is something comforting about growing up in a small town where everybody knows everybody and what they are doing. My sister still lives in that same town and many of her friends are people we grew up with. It should be said that I now live in another small town where there are a lot of people who grew up in town and have strong roots and family heritage here.

When I was 19 I met the man that is now my husband in a bar when he asked me to dance. Two weeks after we met I told someone I was going to marry him and 16 months later that goal was accomplished. We recently celebrated our 33rd anniversary. Whenever I hear Ann Murray’s song, Could I have This Dance I think it fits my husband and I perfectly. “I’ll always remember, the song they were playing, the first time we danced and I knew,
as we swayed to the music, and held to each other, I fell in love with you. Could I have this dance for the rest of my life, Could you be my partner
every night, when we’re together it feels so right, Could I have this dance for the rest of my life.” While I don’t remember the song they were playing when we danced, I remember him staring at me from across the bar and several other bits of conversation throughout the evening.

That isn’t the song we used at our wedding, that was If, by David Gates, a popular song for weddings at the time. “If a picture paints a thousand words
Then why can’t I paint you? The words will never show the you I’ve come to know.”

As time goes by and our children were growing older, there are songs that make me think of them, what they have been through, their personalities. When I purchased a Lori Morgan album that contained the song “Skakin’ Things Up” I immediately thought of my daughter, Caroline. That song fits her personality perfectly. Unfortunately I was unable to locate a link other than the lip-sink one I linked to above. The words are so perfect for her as both a child and an adult, “I’ve been told better safe than sorry and to look before I leap, To think about what I should say long before I speak. I’m tired of holding back my true emotions, I can’t help but cause a little commotion. I like shakin’ things up, I like pushin’ the boundaries, I like livin’ my life on the edge and chasin’ far-fetched dreams, I’m gonna feel young when I grow old, I’m gonna chalenge the status quo, when bein’ good just ain’t good enough, I like shakin’ things up.” Anyone that knows here will agree, that is Caroline.

Now our son, Patrick, has always managed to find trouble. Sometimes he started it, sometimes he didn’t. Actually, the Rodney Atkins song “If You’re Going Through Hell” not only applies to him, but also all of us in our family at some point in time, rather my husband’s nasty divorce from his first marriage and battle with his wife repeatedly denying him visits with his daughter, the legal issues our son encountered growing up and as an adult, my recovery after my motorcycle accident, our attempts to adopt our granddaughters and the adversity we encountered from CPS/DHS, to our newest challenge with my husband having cancer of the esophagus, the song fits. It is a good song to apply to anything you encounter: “If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going, don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it, you might get out before the devil even knows you’re there. When you’re goin’ through hell keep on movin’, face that fire walk right through it, you might get out before the devil even knows you’re there.”

There are so many songs I can relate to, after all, “I’ve Got The Music In Me” because “I’m never frightened or worried, I know I’ll always get by
I heat up, I cool down, When something gets in my way I go around it, Don’t let life get me down” and I am Proud to be an American, “where at least I know I’m free, And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.” The country I call home, It’s America — “It’s a high school prom, it’s a Springsteen song, it’s a ride in a Chevrolet. It’s a man on the moon and fireflies in June and kids sellin’ lemonade. It’s cities and farms, it’s open arms, one nation under God, It’s America.”

My wish for all who read this is that “you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean, Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I Hope You Dance.”

When my life it over, I hope it reflects Garth Brooks, “I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end, the way it all would go, our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain but I’d of had to miss The Dance”

Please Share/Comment: What are the songs that reflect you and your life?

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Filed under Family, impressions, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir

Tagged as ann murray, author, david gates, family, garth brooks, Grace Grogan, helen reddy, life, Life is a Melting Pot, lori morgan, lyrics, memoir, music, rodney atkins, songs

October 2, 2014 · 9:47 am

Attempted Adoption: An Emotional Whirlwind

Kiley Grogan, our granddaughter we are trying to adopt.

I have been contemplating when to post this, actually having originally written it about six weeks ago, but not wanting to interfere with the process and at the same time wanting to share the frustrations we have endured trying to adopt our grandaughters. We lost Kae-Lee to adoption when she was awarded to the foster care parents rather than us. Since then we have been working on adopting the older grandaughter, Kiley, and have been trying to obtain answers as to why DHS is against us having even supervised contact with her. Over the course of the past two years we have been dealing with this quietly, waiting patiently and expecting that the professionals involved would do their jobs appropriately and efficiently. However our patience has not paid off and the situation continues to grow more frustrating as time goes on.

Kae-Lee Joy Grogan

In August of 2012 my husband and I applied to adopt our two granddaughters, Kiley Grogan and Kae-Lee Grogan, who had been in foster care since June 2010. At the time they went into foster care we had applied to have them placed in our home and DHS denied our request. After the termination of parental rights in 2012 we applied to adopt. Our application packet was turned in within a month of receiving it from the adoption agency. It took Ebony Armstrong, adoption worker for Bethany Christian Services, seven months to write her report and submit it to MCI in Lansing. William Johnson is the one person at MCI who makes the decision on adoption for every child who is a state ward in Michigan. During the entire time the girls were in foster care DHS denied us any access to our granddaughters, and the adoption agency continued to withhold our contact.

After waiting for seven months during which we were lead to believe they were going to recommend we adopt our two granddaughters together, the adoption agency advised us that they had talked with MCI in Lansing and based on Lansing’s instructions they were going to recommend the youngest child, Kae-Lee, be adopted by her foster care parents, who had also applied to adopt. Their reasoning was that Kae-Lee had bonded with them, not with us. Of course this had happened, we had been denied all access! After Kae-Lee’s adoption went through, to strangers so we have no contact, I created a photo book Kae-Lee Joy Grogan: Forever in our Hearts.

Kiley Grogan’s photo posted on MARE.org

Bethany Christian Services did recommend we adopt the older granddaughter, Kiley, who had suffered severe brain trauma at seven months of age and is visually, mentally and physically handicapped. We also discovered that Kiley had been listed on the MARE.org website, incorrectly stating that she has no siblings when she has a full-biological sister and a half-sister who had also been placed into foster care, plus she has another half-sister by a different mother. Although they never indicated she had been matched with us, her biological grandparents, almost immediately after the adoption agency indicated that another family was “interested” Kiley’s Status on MARE.org changed to “My name is KILEY and I was matched with a recruited family on Friday September 19, 2014.” The original MARE.org listing is shown at the bottom of this posting. As of this date we have never received an official denial from William Johnson regarding our application to adopt Kiley.

Kae-Lee Grogan July 2012 taking during a sibling visit to which we were not invited. Kae-Lee was lost to adoption. We wanted to adopt our two granddaughters together and raise them as sisters, but Kae-Lee was awarded to her foster care parents so we have no contact.

It was approximately four months after Bethany Christian Services submitted their report to Lansing before William Johnson, Supervisor at MCI in Lansing, issued his recommendation. Because DHS in St. Clair was objecting to our adoption William Johnson stated that we needed to receive supervised visits with Kiley so he could make a determination on our ability to provide for her care. The visits were set up to begin but the day before the first visit took place a hearing to which we were not invited nor notified of (Ebony Armstrong, adoption worker, refused to provide us with information regarding hearings after the termination) was held and our visits were suspended. We were contacted after that hearing by Ebony Armstrong, adoption worker, who informed us that Rory Ayotte, DHS Foster Care Worker had objected to our receiving the supervised visits and that the Honorable Elwood Brown had suspended the visits. We were never given any notice, any opportunity to respond to whatever accusations were made, and when Ebony Armstrong told us she had a court order that we not receive the visits she refused to provide us with a copy of that order, and no order has ever been provided to us by anyone. I find it extremely upsetting that a foster care worker who was not involved in the case after June 2011 (a new DHS Foster Care Worker was involved from June 2011 through the termination in August 2012 and was favorable to our adopting) was allowed to make objections and that Judge Brown issued an order without giving us the opportunity to appear in court and respond to whatever those objections may have been.

That happened in November 2013, and we were told by the adoption worker that William Johnson was going to order transcripts and talk with Samantha Lord, guardian ad litem, about resolving the issue. We have repeatedly emailed William Johnson over the entire course of the adoption process and stated that if he had any questions to feel free to contact us. No one ever has — not William Johnson, not Samantha Lord, and not the DHS worker who made the objections.

Kiley Grogan – the granddaughter we are trying to adopt. Photo taken in 2012 during a sibling visit to which we were not invited.

We realized that Kiley was due for a re-check with her pediatric cardiologist this year. She was born with the center wall of her heart being too thick and was on a compounded heart medication the first two years of her life. When she was removed from the heart medication at age two the pediatric cardiologist informed the parents that she needed to come back five years later for a re-check and ultrasound of the heart. We advised Ebony Armstrong, adoption worker at Bethany Christian Services of this both verbally and in writing and sent a copy to the guardian ad litem, Samantha Lord. When we notified Ebony Armstrong, Bethany Christians Services, verbally she kept saying “the pediatrician said she is fine,” discounting the need for a specialist to re-check her heart. The foster care worker from Bethany Christian Services stated that Kiley’s insurance has been changed and it wouldn’t be covered and then that the pediatrician would not be able to refer her back to her pediatric cardiologist (I had provided them with the contact information). The foster care worker did eventually say they could check with the pediatrician , but that the pediatrician would not be able to refer her back to the original cardiologist.

This is extremely frustrating. A child that was removed from the parents in 2010 for alleged medical neglect (they were giving her a recommended break from her physical therapy) is now being denied medical follow-up because DHS and/or the adoption agency has changed her insurance and it probably won’t be covered. If you take responsibility for a child you assume all their medical needs and expenses, regardless of whether or not you were careless about the kind of medical insurance you put her on. Kiley was on medicaid that covered those needs when she was placed in foster care, and she should still be on medicaid so it is a rather poor excuse for their negligence.

While we were not invited to sibling visits, the biological mother's family was allowed to attend. This photograph is a niece of the biological mother, in yellow is Kae-Lee Grogan, lost to adoption, Katlyn Hosang, half-sister to Kiley and Kae-Lee and who is being adopted by her step-grandfather, and in the stroller is Kiley Grogan, who we are trying to adopt.

While we were not invited to sibling visits, the biological mother’s family was allowed to attend. This photograph shows a niece of the biological mother in the pink shirt, Kae-Lee Grogan is in the yellow top and is the granddaughter lost to adoption, Katlyn Hosang, half-sister to Kiley and Kae-Lee is being adopted by her step-grandfather, and in the stroller is Kiley Grogan, who we are are still trying to adopt.

This entire adoption process was supposed to be a rather easy process, where everything just flowed into place and instead it has turned into an absolute nightmare. We desperately want answers on what DHS has against us, we want to make sure Kiley receives the needed medical follow up, and we want to adopt her. She is a beautiful little girl who deserves the love and care of her grandparents, not living in a foster care home. Even though someone has now applied to adopt, the excuse that she cannot bond with us is weak…we are her biological grandparents and had a bond with her prior to her being placed in foster care. How can Rory Ayotte, Samantha Lord, and Judge Brown believe that she is capable of bonding with total strangers but not us? It makes no sense, but than nothing in this case does.

We had some difficulties finding an attorney that handles adoption and was willing to drive to St. Clair County. We were able to obtain one through Ford Motor Company’s legal benefits, and after the attorney attended an August 18, 2014 hearing with us she was also baffled. The attorney had filed an appearance on our behalf, but Judge Brown was short with her and instructed her to go beyond the rail, even though attorneys are allowed to stand inside the rail, even if it is not their case. Neither Samantha Lord nor the adoption worker and foster care worker from Bethany Christian Services brought up Kiley’s medical needs, so the judge is not even aware of those. Both Ebony Armstrong and the foster care worker did inform our attorney that they are still favorable to our adopting Kiley, but it is DHS, the guardian ad litem and the court that has caused the breakdown of that process. The court refused to allow our attorney to look at the file and she was refused a copy of the court order in which Judge Brown allegedly ordered we not receive visits. She did say she would attempt to obtain a copy of that order for us and contact William Johnson regarding the situation at hand, but to date we have not received any additional information from her. What the attorney did tell us is that in a weekly meeting at her firm she advised the other attorneys of what had happened in court and the Judge’s conduct towards her and they all agreed that there is something strange with this case. It appears DHS and/or the Court are attempting to hide something.

This situation has been an emotional whirlwind for us for four years now. Kiley, Kae-Lee and Katlyn were separated from each other and placed in foster care by DHS in June 2010. We have tried to be patient and allow the professionals to conduct themselves in an efficient and appropriate manner. They have failed our granddaughters and it is time to stand up and take action. If nothing else, their refusal of our adoption application has provided me with the time to engage in making people aware of the tragic conduct of DHS/CPS, the adoption agencies they hire and the Courts that support such conduct by supporting the destruction of families and ultimately, the destruction of the emotional well-being of children.

If you have lost children or grandchildren, whether temporary or permanent, because of the bad behavior of workers employed by Child Protective Services and/or the Department of Human Services please let me hear from you. I know this is a country-wide problem and I would like to communicate with others who have had similar experiences. We need to unite to strive for changes to the laws of this country to put an end to such disgraceful mishandling of our children and enact appropriate sanctions for those workers who misuse their power and cause emotional trauma and suffering to children under the claim that they are protecting them.

Kiley Ann Grogan – MARE.org listing

Patrick and his girls – Kiley Grogan, Katlyn Hosang, and Kae-Lee Grogan

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Filed under Adoption, Child Protective Services, CPS, Department of Human Services, DHS, Family, Foster Care, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, MCI, memoir, Michigan Childrens Institute

Tagged as blogging, Child Protective Services, CPS, DHS, family, foster care, Grace Grogan, Life is a Melting Pot, MCI, Michigan Children's Institute

September 29, 2014 · 9:40 am

Blog Bonus – Spiders

This is a Blog Bonus – a posting that is not on my normal schedule, a little something extra. In my last post They’re Back I talked about the return of the spiders to my front porch, something I am not thrilled with. My 3-year old grandson, Corbin and 8-year old grandson, Austin, seem to view the event differently. Corbin thought they were spiderman, and Austin thought I had a “cute little spider” and they both stood on the porch the other night when the spiders were out and said goodbye to the spiders before leaving. Guess it is all in perspective. I would love to say goodbye to the spiders, but on a permanent basis and it would be them leaving, not me.

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Filed under backyard, bugs, children, Family, Life is a Melting Pot, nature, spiders, spring

Tagged as bugs, family, Grace Grogan, grandchildren, Life is a Melting Pot, nature, porch, spiders, spring

September 26, 2014 · 1:37 am

They’re Back

It keeps you on your toes when things are constantly changing. A couple weeks ago I noticed they started appearing again, just a few, but the number has grown and their size has grown, and unfortunately they have returned, but I don’t really understand why that would happen now.

Back in June I wrote a post Where Have All the Spiders Gone? about the spiders that have taken up residency on my front porch every spring since our move here in 2004. This year for some reason they never arrived. They weren’t putting forth an appearance every evening on the sides and ceiling of my front porch, and we didn’t have to worry about walking through a web if we arrived home after dark and the front light wasn’t on. Over the course of the summer I enjoyed not having them here. I could sit out on the porch reading in the evening and not have to worry about them stringing webs above my head if I read past dusk. It was wonderful, until now.

They are back! Why would they come back in mid September? Don’t they know fall is here, that the temperatures are going to get colder? Do they have to cover my porch with their webs now, after all this time? Don’t they know I have grown accustomed to their absence? Could I be so lucky as to have a frost this fall kill them all off once and for all?

I really shouldn’t complain, after all they stay outside. In all these years I have never had a problem with them invading the inside of the house. I don’t have a problem with mosquitoes, most likely thanks to spider consumption. Maybe they have done me a favor. I used to be the type of person that would freak at the sight of a microscopic sized spider, now I can walk in with them all over the porch and not go into a state of panic. That isn’t to say I don’t try to come in as quickly as possible to prevent the possibility of one landing on me, but I am able to walk calmly into the house without looking like I’m trying to escape a mass murder. In fact I have grown to enjoy the comical, panicky entrance of those who are freaked out by them. That still does nothing to satisfy the questions that now perplex me.

My mind is even more curious than it was a few months ago. Why were they here for nine years beginning in the spring and staying through fall, then this spring never arrived? Where have they been all summer? Why are they suddenly making their appearance now? Will they be back next spring? The great spider mystery, it just adds to the craziness. I think it may become a cold case, never to be resolved.

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Filed under backyard, Life is a Melting Pot, nature, spring

Tagged as bugs, fears, Grace Grogan, Life is a Melting Pot, spiders, spring, summer

September 19, 2014 · 9:19 am

Impression v. Reality

We all have an impression in our mind of what certain people should look like or behave like. Impressions that are imbedded in our minds from past experiences, misconceptions or any other wide range of factors. When we meet someone who does not meet the criteria our mind has set forth the reality is quite shocking. Chances are everyone who is reading this post has either been the subject of or subjected someone else to impressions that do not match reality.

Photo found on the internet that depicts the writer’s impression of “grandma”

When I think of the term “grandmother” I picture my own grandmothers, grey haired ladies who did their hair with pin curls, wore full length aprons, never worked, never drove a car, and were great cooks. That is the image that always comes to mind for grandmother, but I and numerous friends are the living reality that that is not the case now. Modern day grandmothers work full time, drive cars, travel, are involved in activities, and although some of us may be great cooks we do not wear aprons. So why can’t I shake the image in my mind of what a grandmother should look like? Because that is what my grandmothers looked like and it is most likely what most grandmothers looked like in that era, but it is no longer the reality.

Motorcycle Gear – a photo of my friend Vicki dressed to ride. Photo obtained from her Facebook page.

My husband and I participating in a poker run.

What does a biker look like? Back when I was in physical therapy following my motorcycle accident, one of the other patients asked what happened to me and when I told her she responded “You don’t look like a biker.” She thought that people who rode motorcycles were always dressed in their leather vests, coats and biker boots. I explained to her that people who ride motorcycles only dress that way when they are riding, but they are ordinary people who hold a variety of jobs, doctors, lawyers, salesmen, etc. and they wear normal, everyday clothing suitable to their profession. When I was riding I did encounter people who treated me differently when I was dressed in my motorcycle gear, to the extent that I would say some were nervous. What was funny was had I approached them without the leather vest or jacket they would likely have treated me the same as they were others. Regardless of my clothing I was the same person. People allow their minds to cloud reality and the impression they have set in their minds can cause them to prejudge.

I recently read a person’s letter to the editor in a newspaper in which the writer was commenting on a person who entered the McDonald’s he was at and voiced an objection about a non-handicap marked vehicle being parked in a handicap spot. The writer was the person who had parked in that spot, did not have the state-mandated handicap tag but was on crutches and parked there. In referencing the person that had objected to the spot being taken, the writer stated he “seemed to have nothing wrong with him other than being a bit overweight.” What classifies a person as being handicapped? They do not have to have an obvious physical disability that stands out and screams “I am handicapped.” Persons who have obtained handicap markings for their vehicles have to obtain a doctor’s note specifying why they need handicap designation and then that document goes to the Secretary of State to obtain the appropriate tag for the vehicle. Most people who do not know me do not realize that I have been in an accident and have a handicap parking designation on my vehicle. I worked very hard to not have a limp after my accident, so when I walk into a building people do not realize that under my slacks I am wearing a compression sock and either a leather boot that supports my ankle or an ankle brace and that my ankle almost always has some level of swelling. I have mastered the technique of getting in and out of my car so that people do not realize that to exit my vehicle I have to be able to open my car door all the way to put both feet firmly on the ground before standing up or that to get back into the vehicle I have to open the door all the way to get my left leg in a specific position to sit down. My disabilities are for the most part not detected by the general viewer. Therefore the impression of what a handicapped person is and whether or not they should be using a designated handicap parking tab and the reality of what may qualify a person for such a designation can be very different.

A wedding ceremony. Photo by Grace Grogan

I recently photographed a wedding in which I was shocked when I realized who the minister/pastor was. My impression of a clergyman is someone who is conservative, soft spoken, and always uses a traditional version of the bible. Wrong! The pastor/minister that conducted the ceremony was a very nice person, but did not fit my mind’s impression at all. He was tattooed, had some piercings and used an electronic pad instead of a traditional bible. I was very surprised when I realized he was the person officiating the ceremony and not a guest. Had I met him on the street I would never believed he was a minister/pastor. The combination of the handicap posting and my surprise at the minister/pastor’s appearance at the wedding is what led to the creation of this post.

Impression v. Reality can be a fun experience if you accept that what you mind thinks is correct may not be accurate. The experience of learning how the mind plays tricks on you can be very enlightening. If you have experienced the surprise of Impression v. Reality please share you experience here.

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Filed under assumptions, decisions, handicapp, impressions, Life Changing, Life is a Melting Pot, mind, reality

Tagged as apron, behavior, blog, Grace Grogan, grandmother, handicapp, impression, life, Life is a Melting Pot, mind, minister, pastor, reality, ups and downs

September 4, 2014 · 9:44 am

Let’s Get Prepped

Corbins First Day of Preschool September 3, 2014

Corbin ready for preschool. Photo by Caroline Kelch.

This week as the children in Michigan returned to school I was thinking about how the more things change, the more they stay the same. There were numerous Facebook postings of children on the first day back at school. Photos were posted of my grandsons. I don’t remember my mother taking the “first day” photographs every year, but I did take them of my children and that seems to be a popular modern activity. In reflecting on back-to-school preparation and school routines there are generational similarities that may or may not be an improvement.

Austin and Corbin ready for school. Photos by Caroline Kelch.

I was of elementary school age in the 1960’s. Back-to-school preparation involved getting 2-3 new outfits, new shoes, tennis shoes for gym class, new pencils, an eraser, a box of crayola crayons and a notebook and loose leaf notebook paper, and of course your metal lunch box, carefully selected with your favorite TV show on the outside and a matching thermos to carry your beverage. There were no book bags or backpacks.

If you lived in town you walked to school, if you lived in the country you rode a bus. There is a home movie of me and other students walking to school my kindergarten year on the shoulder of a road. There were no sidewalks and we walked with cars driving past us on the roadway. My first grade year we moved to the small town where I grew up. Subdivision streets did not have sidewalks, so again we all walked on the side of the road. Somehow we all managed to survive the hike each way without anyone getting killed or kidnapped. Today’s parents would most likely cringe at the thought of sending their young children out to endure such a walk on a daily basis.

In the classroom each student had a desk with a lift up top so you could store all your supplies inside. School started at 9:00 am with the Pledge of Allegiance, and then class instruction began. There was a 15 minute recess in the morning, and another recess in the afternoon. A hot lunch could be purchased or students could pack there own, and there were no restrictions on what could or could not be brought to school to eat. Lunch was a one-hour period in which students sat wherever they wished in the cafeteria and once done eating would get up and go outside to play for the remainder of the lunch period. If it was cold weather this involved walking back to your classroom area, unsupervised, to put on your hat, boots, etc. and then exit onto the playground. School was dismissed around 3:20 pm. Latch-key did not exist, everyone went home after school. While some kids had extracurricular activities, for the most part the time after school was open for to play with friends, watch TV or do chores. Elementary level students rarely had homework.

When my children were in elementary school in the early 1990’s shopping for school included several outfits, shoes, gym shoes, backpack, folders, spiral notebooks, pens, pencils, crayons, colored pencils, Kleenex, glue sticks, highlighters, red pencils, lunch boxes, thermos, and other items I have since forgotten. If you lived within a mile of the school your child was a “walker”, but the majority of the parents drove their children to school. There was always a long line of vehicles going in and out of the school parking lot. School began with announcements over the intercom system and each classroom then had the option of saying the Pledge of Allegiance. When my oldest child was in third grade the district we lived in eliminated recess and it was never restored. The only physical outlet the children had was gym class once a week, and art class. Children who could not sit still or pay attention for extended periods of time were diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and medicated. At lunch time students had assigned tables, sat with their classmates, and had to remain there until lunch was over. Lunch was a quick affair, only 20-30 minutes to get your food and eat. If a child forgot their lunch money or lunch they were offered a free peanut butter and jelly sandwich. With most children coming from two income families, many children went to latch-key after school or had other organized activities in which they participated either immediately after school or in the evening. My kids were no exception, participating in cub scouts, girl scouts, Awana, Karate, dance, and probably a few other things I have forgotten.

Now zoom forward to the 2010’s. I have grandchildren who are in elementary school. Clothing and shoe requirements are about the same as they were when my children were young. Backpacks are a must and children ride the bus to school even if they live in town. My daughter deals with a lengthy list of required school supplies. Many schools have supply lists available in advance at major stores so people can stock up. You are not purchasing supplies for just your child, some items are shared with the entire classroom. Required supply lists include notebooks, paper, folders, pencils, pens, highlighters, markers, glue pens, erasers, scissors, Kleenex, hand sanitizer, and snacks to share with the class. Young children often have a lunch box as well. Schools are managed tightly for security, teachers meet the youngest grades outside as they exit the bus, and escort them back to their buses at the end of the day. Entrance to the school is only possible through the main entrance, all other doors are locked to prevent entry from the outside. Most schools have eliminated the Pledge of Allegiance because of its reference to “One Nation Under God” and the fact that this reference might offend some people. Classrooms have a mid-morning snack time using food provided by students. Classrooms and/or schools may have restrictions on certain food items due to other children having allergies, with peanuts and/or peanut butter being a frequent restriction. I believe there is limited recess time for the children to go outside and play and do not know what the arrangements are for lunchtime seating but assume it is a controlled and organized system. Many children are scheduled with after school activities.

What I question is whether things have improved over the generations. Things were far more relaxed in the 60’s and 70’s than they are now. There was less structure giving children more opportunities to make their own decisions and they had more unscheduled free time. More time was allotted for play/recess during the school day which allowed students to expel excess energy and learn social skills such as how to resolve conflicts on their own. You rarely heard of children being medicated for disorders, allergies were practically non-existent, and violence such as stabbings and shootings in schools were extremely rare, basically non-existent. If children got into a conflict or fight they may have been sent to the principal’s office, but suspensions from school for such conflicts were not common. If our parents worked we went to a friends house after school or by around age 11 were allowed to let ourselves into the house and stay there alone until our parents came home. Actually many of us were babysitting other children by the age of 11 or 12. Parents of today may read this and wonder how we survived without having our lives properly organized. The answer, we learned how to cope with boredom, how to socialize and resolve conflicts without violence and how to take care of ourselves so that we were well prepared to go out into the world and be productive members of society.

Children that grew up in the 80’s, 90’s and the 2000’s have led a much more structured lifestyle. Their time has been mapped out for them with activities, video games and TV to prevent boredom. School days are organized with where to sit, who to socialize with at lunch, and any physical or verbal conflict results in suspension due to “zero tolerance” policies. Children do not learn how to conquer boredom, resolve conflicts or care for themselves because their time and care is mapped out for them on an hour-by-hour basis. In my opinion this has resulted in increased violence amongst young people who are frustrated, angry, over-scheduled, and have never learned coping mechanisms for boredom and conflicts. While not all children demonstrate these symptoms and many are successful, there are also a high number who are unable to adjust to the realities of adult responsibilities.

While it is doubtful that things will ever change back to what they were in prior generations, I think it is important to look at the overall affect our lifestyle is having on our children and try to make whatever adjustments we can to make sure that they learn all the skills they need to be successful academically and socially in school and later in their adult years.

I welcome thoughts on what you think on this topic. Whether you agree or disagree, an active discussion is a great way to open minds and consider different viewpoints.

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Filed under children, education, Family, grandchildren, kids, Life is a Melting Pot, school

Tagged as back-to-school, change, education, family, Grace Grogan, Life is a Melting Pot, memoir, school

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